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Old 07-06-2020, 10:16 AM   #31
Xerox
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Default Re: I met someone recently, and I can't make sense of him

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Autism Spectrum disorder was my guess, too. The maturity level, anxiety, impulsivities, limited social circle and understanding, the depression which could stem from having ASD.. it's such a wide spectrum. It could very well be the case. I've known adults with this disorder that you wouldn't think had it.

Are you able to tap into ASD resources and Community Living supports? Are you receiving financial disability income? This may help you build independence while receiving support outside of the family.. build autonomy even more so, without your parent's influence.

I wouldn't have a problem being on the autism spectrum (although it's not like I would have a choice), but in my opinion the diagnoses never quite seemed to fit me. Part of this has to do with the fact that I went to school with an autistic kid when I was in my early teens. I don't have most of the traits he exhibited. The one that sticks out to me most was his habit of rambling to absolutely anyone about computers, which was his obsession. I don't know if he was 'high' functioning, 'low' functioning, or something in between.


I think I likely have a personality disorder of some kind. I've considered that I may have dependent or borderline personality disorder. BPD occurs mostly in women I believe, and involves a lot of sex and drug use. I've never used recreational drugs, and I've only had these few recent sexual experiences.


Based on my placement on the autism spectrum, I have worked with job placement programs for the disabled. I am currently working with an employment agency now.


I have been told I don't qualify for financial disability income, due to my ability to find and hold down jobs in the past (although not always for long periods of time).


One other kicker is that I've recently got a job at a grocery store located 10 minutes away from this guy. And he knows.
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Old 07-06-2020, 11:35 AM   #32
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Default Re: I met someone recently, and I can't make sense of him

Why aren't you able to hold down jobs for very long? You may have a case to appeal for financial support. How long has your longest job been?

ASD is such a wide spectrum. I'm not sure I agree about BPD being mainly for women. I'm sure there's an overlap. Do people with personality disorders have trouble holding down jobs?

How ironic about your new job.. or was it planned to be closer to this guy?
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Old 07-06-2020, 04:43 PM   #33
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Default Re: I met someone recently, and I can't make sense of him

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Why aren't you able to hold down jobs for very long? You may have a case to appeal for financial support. How long has your longest job been?

ASD is such a wide spectrum. I'm not sure I agree about BPD being mainly for women. I'm sure there's an overlap. Do people with personality disorders have trouble holding down jobs?

How ironic about your new job.. or was it planned to be closer to this guy?

I've had difficulty holding down a job due to both social anxiety and impulsivity. I walked out on my last two jobs.


The job I held the longest, almost 4 years at a clothing store, I left abruptly after shouting at an irritable customer. I had never done anything remotely like that before. I'd always been quiet and timid. That was 2 years ago. Ever since then my tolerance for rude strangers has completely evaporated. I've had a bad temper since I was a little kid, but it has gotten worse because now I have difficulty suppressing it in public.


Most of the time, I self harm as a way to express my rage towards other people.


I don't know much about personality disorders, but I would guess that they very well could make it difficult for a person to hold down a job, especially if they involve impulsivity.


I had an interview with the grocery store the very day that I first met the guy. It's an unfortunate coincidence that it is located in his town.


I didn't think I got the job at first, and I was relieved, because I didn't want to be stuck working someplace that put me within this guy's reach.


I did tell him about it, because I figured he'd see me there sooner or later anyway. If things are to end with this guy, I want it to be on good terms if we are going to be bumping into each other.

I was bullied a lot as a kid, from the time I was 8 until about 16. I think that might have arrested my development. I didn't grow up socializing with my 'peers'. I think it also has made me prejudiced against people my own age, therefore I'd rather be with an older man.
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Old 07-10-2020, 08:14 PM   #34
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Default Re: I met someone recently, and I can't make sense of him

So, we met again, after his four week long vacation in Florida.

It was a bit of a disaster. We had all these things planned sexually that neither of us could quite accomplish. Out of my lack of experience, and some difficulty he has due to an enlarged prostate. I was there 5 hours, and we fumbled through one failed experiment after another.


I wasn't able to reach an orgasm. I wasn't able to with the first guy, either. I think I am too nervous to when I'm doing the real thing. Thankfully I got him to, which is all I wanted.


I know he felt inadequate because he couldn't do the same for me, but I truly didn't care at all whether I came or not. It was worth it to make him cum.

I've come to the conclusion that this guy doesn't mean to do me any harm. As I had thought, he's extremely lonely, and I think that has clouded his judgement.


He wanted to know if I would want to do yard work for him, or to help him in his auto shop in his barn, just to have someone around. He's been considering different ways I could explain to my parents how I met him, and what my relationship with him is. They are all pretty silly ideas.


He admitted to me that he is a little older than he let on. I didn't ask about his age. He freely admitted it.


He also agreed, although begrudgingly, to use a condom. He was very much looking forward to doing without one, as he is under the impression that I am a virgin, and would therefore be no risk. It ended up not mattering anyhow.

So anyway, those are two more points in his favor.

He hasn't emailed or messaged me since I left his house. I hope for his sake he comes to his senses and realizes I am not right for him.


I like him. I think he's hot and sexy. I empathize with him. Theoretically, it would be nice to have some sort of friendship with him. I'm not mature enough to be in any kind relationship with him, though. I've got to leave this guy alone.
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Old 07-11-2020, 03:33 PM   #35
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Default Re: I met someone recently, and I can't make sense of him

I'm sorry things didn't go according to plan. It does sound like he's just lonely. It's good that you know your life isn't at risk.

I'm not sure about one thing. If you are interested in a friendship and to maintain a sexual relationship, isn't that a relationship? I get if you're wanting "friends with benefits" but I'm wondering if you're depriving yourself. Maybe you're "too immature" right now. But maturity grows with experience. One day your parents are not going to be around. What are you going to do then?

Is he older than your parents?

Is it possible to just enjoy each other's company and figure out this sexual piece together, without any expectations?

If you're not afraid of him and you're attracted to him, can you not do the work around his farm and earn some money?

I'm inclined to think you could both benefit from each other, pending that he not force a living arrangement or a serious commitment, at this time. Take it easy and set these boundaries with him. Take that job near his place and get to know him as a friend.. again, if he'll respect your boundaries and is willing to go slow for you.

This isn't just about his needs. Maybe something beautiful will come of this if you're both mindful of each other.
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Old 07-11-2020, 03:41 PM   #36
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Default Re: I met someone recently, and I can't make sense of him

I also want to add..

Make a decision about him and stick to it. I would really hate for him to be led on by you if your intentions don't jive with his. I know you've been clear with him but I'm wondering if you're giving him false hopes, too.

I think it's worthy to have another conversation with him about all this, and decide together whether or not to proceed. Yes or no and under what specific guidelines?
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Old 07-12-2020, 02:33 PM   #37
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Default Re: I met someone recently, and I can't make sense of him

He's younger than both my parents.


My mind is going around and around in circles over this guy, and I realize I've been repeating myself a lot, and will continue to.


A friends with benefits type of relationship might interest me.



We've had countless conversations about what exactly he is expecting from all this, and what kind of relationship I am comfortable with. Every time it seems we have come to an agreement, he starts talking about traveling and vacations again.


I'm not willing to lose my therapist over him, though. I already violated our agreement big time by going to his home again. That is ground for terminating me.


I think this guy would be much better off with someone more well-adjusted and independent than I am, anyway Someone who isn't living with and still has to answer to their parents at age 31. Who is free to travel and vacation with him, or at least sleep over at his house.


A young man who will wear makeup and stockings and panties and perfume for him, which is his 'thing'. He needs to see men feminized in order not to feel some lingering guilt over sleeping with another man (he grew up in a very Catholic household). I don't judge him for that, and I understand the logic.


He shaved off all my pubic hair, a process that was a big turn on for him, but has left me feeling completely neutered and asexual. I have a bit of an attachment to my body hair.


Our tastes couldn't be any more different. I like hairy, bearded, masculine men, or good looking older gentlemen (he's essentially both). He's into young men who are effeminate and prepubescent-looking (I somewhat fit that description). It would seem we are close to a perfect fit.


He's into all kinds of kinky things. I'm strictly into 'the basics'. Bells and whistles turn me off. All I want is to simply admire a man's natural beauty.


So, we're not exactly sexually compatible.


Anyway, what this all comes down to is that he could find someone much better suited and more available to him, and I don't want to lose a therapist.

Last edited by Xerox; 07-12-2020 at 03:10 PM..
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Old 07-13-2020, 05:14 AM   #38
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Default Re: I met someone recently, and I can't make sense of him

Ok. It sounds like you've come to a decision. Are you going to tell him it's over?
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Old 07-18-2020, 09:22 PM   #39
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Default Re: I met someone recently, and I can't make sense of him

Here's the latest on that guy.

It's officially over.

I saw him on the very night of my last post. We were supposed to meet again tonight.


I was let go from my job on Friday. They cited 'performance concerns', and bad feedback from previous employers--although they told me I had successfully passed a background check 5 weeks ago when I was hired. It so happens that my 'representative' from an employment agency for the disabled asked my manager in person if I could take a leave of absence for this stupid ******* therapy program my therapist and psychiatrist have pressed me into going through. Two hours later, I got the call that I was being terminated.


This request happened to coincide with the end of my 'probation period' (the first three weeks in which they decide whether to officially employ you or not).

So anyway, I tell this gentleman not to expect to see me there any longer.

Last night, he asks me if I would consider making porn for money. He says 'some kid' he knew was paid $1,000 to masturbate on camera by 'some rich guy' in California. $5,000 to have sex with someone else on camera. This 'kid' was someone who supposedly worked on his property doing something or other. He claims the most he was involved in all this was dropping the kid off at the airport.


He says the kid was driven around in a limo, taken to 5 star restaurants, slept in the 'rich guy's' mansion, blah blah.


I ask what makes me worth $1,000 dollars. Is it because I'm underage looking?


He says yes.

I ask if they have a website. He says they don't. They're 'probably just some sleezy (sic) company'.


It's all 'Just some' this. 'Just some' that....

Here is another odd little moment.


I tell 'Jeffrey' that I'll think about it (he introduced himself as Jeff, and I'm not really considering it at all. I know it's over by this point).

He asks me to 'plz' not call him that (he seems to be deliberately making himself sound dumber).


He asks me how I know his name (I know the guy as Jeff....Jeff, Jeffrey....).

He asks if I've been 'checking up on him'. I must have been to know that he might be known as Jeffrey...

I sent him a goodbye e-mail today. It was short and non accusatory. It was essentially 'it's me, not you' in nature.


I have dirt on him. I don't want him to come after me. So, I thought it best to make it seem as if I were the problem.

I've re-blocked him on my phone, deleted the e-mail address he had.

I wonder if he was in California the four weeks he was supposedly in Florida visiting his son. It happens he is supposed to be returning in a week.

Last edited by Xerox; 07-18-2020 at 11:07 PM..
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Old 07-20-2020, 07:26 PM   #40
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Default Re: I met someone recently, and I can't make sense of him

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so happens that my 'representative' from an employment agency for the disabled asked my manager in person if I could take a leave of absence for this stupid ******* therapy program my therapist and psychiatrist have pressed me into going through. Two hours later, I got the call that I was being terminated
Did you give this "rep" permission to speak with your manager? If not, that's in breach of confidentiality. Where I live, they can't just do something like that without permission.

Also, if your employer knows about your disability, it's illegal for them to fire you if your disability affects your job performance. I believe they're required to train you in an area you'll be successful in. It sounds like you were discriminated against.

Quote:
Last night, he asks me if I would consider making porn for money.
Hm, not surprised unless you're making all this up. How coincidental he happened to already have a "kid" working around his farm, doing the exact thing he was wanting you to. Maybe that was the hook. I bet this guy would get a % of it, too. Not so lonely, afterall.. seemingly.

I didn't understand the story about "Jeff".. ?
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