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Praderas
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Member Since: Aug 2020
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Default Aug 03, 2020 at 09:29 AM
  #1
I am currently 55 years old, in a great relationship with a wonderful woman also 55 years old. My life with her is great ! we share a lot and spend a lot of time together. Our sex life could not be better. We have sex several times per week, and enjoy it very much.
Ever since I can remember I have loved wearing women lingerie, but that is my secret. I truly enjoy it, and when I am alone, I sometimes wear my wife's underwear. Recently I told her and went on and bought some "sexy thongs", and I love wearing them, and having sex with her. But I am also in fear that she might think that I am Gay, or some *****. I do not feel gay and have never been attracted to men, but I do love to wear lingerie and would like to do it more. But again, it holds me back that she might think that I am a pervert or something like that. What do you think ? Should I open up and tell her of my true desire ? or should I carry on with this secret.

Last edited by bluekoi; Aug 03, 2020 at 10:23 AM.. Reason: Profanity edit.
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Skeezyks

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Smile Aug 03, 2020 at 12:43 PM
  #2
Hello Praderas: I believe this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.

My first thought with regard to this is you might be better off taking this question to a forum website that caters to crossdressers so you can get replies from individuals who've been where you are. (I don't know how many crossdressers, or spouses of crossdressers, we have here on PC.) My second thought is that this is the type of thing where one simply can't foretell what the outcome might be.

I myself have had a life-long struggle with what is referred to as Gender Dysphoria (which, of course, is different from what you're talking about.) However, as a result of that, I have frequented some transgender websites that have forums for crossdressers. And whether one is talking about something (such as being transgender) or enjoying crossdressing (or any type of fetish for that matter), disclosing that information to a spouse or significant other is it seems to me always a journey into the unknown.

Sometimes disclosure goes well. Sometimes it can be little short of a disaster. And the spouse's (or S.O.'s) perspective sometimes can change over time. Sometimes they may be supportive at first. But then, upon further consideration, they may decide otherwise. Also sometimes, while they may be supportive in theory, when they actually see things starting to happen & reality hits, they can change their minds. And, unfortunately, there's no way to know which way it's actually going to go until you make the overture. You did mention you recently disclosed, to your wife, something about your love of lingerie. And it sounds as though she was receptive. So that may be a good sign. Or it could be she simply went along with it in order to not "rock-the-boat", so to speak, & she's hoping it will pass. Time will tell. Given you're both 55, I presume you've been married for quite a while. And I would presume your wife would want to do what she could to keep your marriage intact.

At the end of your post, you asked if you should open up & tell your wife of your true desire or carry on with your secret. Of course, ultimately, I can't tell you what you should do. (Plus, I don't know how serious a concern this is your you... if it's just something you'd like to indulge more in or if it is truly a compulsion.) But what I can offer, from personal experience, is that keeping secrets such as this can be excruciatingly difficult. And it doesn't seem to get better as one ages. I know this because I kept my gender dysphoria struggle a closely guarded secret literally for decades. (I'll spare you the details.) So I think you are going to have to be the judge as to whether or not it's going to be possible for you to continue to keep this secret or whether you simply have to disclose it because continuing to hide it is just too difficult.

My best wishes to you. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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