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Regularjoe
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Member Since: Oct 2020
Location: The Hague
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Default Oct 25, 2020 at 01:19 PM
  #1
Hi everyone,

I am a 35-year-old man from Europe. I will try to be as frank as possible about my situation and hope someone can offer me some advice.

I am well-educated, have 2 MA degrees, work out regularly but cannot help but feel down from time to time. I suffered from major depression in november/december 2014 and have since recovered from that and am functional again.

However, I have been single for quite some time and have (despite telling myself not to do it time after time again) paid for (different kinds of) sex. In all cases it is with a woman but I have a thing for feet and sometimes I pay for a foot fetish date and sometimes I pay for sex. This is generally with the same woman who comes to my house and to whom I am kind of a sugardaddy This lady is not a professional but a mother who wants some extra money.

Now, the above has been a pattern with different women throughout my life (since sexual maturity) and it is almost always followed by guilt. This pattern is so incredibly hard for me to break and I need some help.

As far as (real) dating is concerned, I have been on dates and kissed women and attractiveness is not really an issue as such but -especially during covid 19 times- keeping in touch is hard and every time I feel I am rejected or a date is not going to happen or I feel guilty about something I go back to the same pattern of paying some lady for the above mentioned activities. I want to have a fulfilling relationship with a woman but am constantly filled with doubts, self-doubt, fear and always ponder whether I have made the right move. I end up paying for sex/foot-date to get rid of my sexual urges but feel utterly unfulfilled again.

How do I break this pattern and actually find a decent relationship? I have tried Tinder but somehow I don't know how to keep things going and with some of the ladies I kiss but at the end of the day it is not a relationship and I end up alone. To fill that void of frustration, I end up paying for sex/foot fetish date.

My question is : how do I break this pattern of paying for sex/foot fetish dates? How do I not get disappointed by not having a gf and falling into old patterns? I work out very regularly and it helps against the sad/depressing feelings which I still occasionally experience (not nearly as extreme as in 2014 I am pleased to say) but there is this void inside me (loneliness) which I have been filling in a wrong way for such a long time and I just don't know how to break this habit. What should I do?

Thanks
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Skeezyks

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Smile Oct 26, 2020 at 08:07 PM
  #2
Hello Regularjoe: I'm sorry I don't think there is much in the way of advice I can offer with regard to this except, perhaps, to work through what you are experiencing with the help of a mental health therapist. (Perhaps other PC members will have advice they can offer.) However I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So I thought I would at least welcome you to Psych Central. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Here are links to 3 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of habit change plus links to 5 articles on the subject of finding your soulmate:

7 Steps to Changing a Bad Habit

Science Says This Is How to Break Any Bad Habit

The Golden Rule of Habit Change

8 Ways to Find Yourself Before Looking for Your Soulmate

Stop Looking for a SOULMATE and Start Looking for a LIFE PARTNER

https://psychcentral.com/lib/soulmat...ditional-love/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relat...-my-soul-mate/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...-relationship/
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sarahsweets
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Default Oct 27, 2020 at 03:15 AM
  #3
Something that could help would be to put yourself in the shoes of this woman? Do you think she has good self esteem and a stable life? If she accepts money for sex do you think she feels good about herself? Do you think its possible that she may not be happy but is in such a hard situation that this is the only way she feels she can support herself?

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