I have some issues...

I'm new to this site, and I've been browsing the forums for most of the day. I really enjoy reading about the lives and situations of all you people out there, but I haven't really found anyone yet that I can relate to.

I'm 16/F, and a junior in high school. I'm also attracted to guys way older than me.

Besides like the few same-age crushes I had in elementary school, I haven't really liked anyone my age...

In middle school I was infatuated with some older book characters (There were like no eligible guys at my school, I'm sorry to say =P)

Then I liked my 30-year-old church teacher. He went off and got married though, and I haven't really seen him since. I liked a 23-year old science teacher, and my 46-year old band teacher.

When I got to high school, I started to like my P.E. teacher, who was around 36, and I liked him for a little over a year. Then HE got married to my best friend's swim coach u.u

Now here's the kicker: My current crush is almost 56. That's right. Like 39 years older than me. I don't think there's a limit on how old a guy I can like.

And there's not even necessarily a commonality between all these guys other than that they're men, teachers, and significantly older than me.

Some are tall, one was really short. Most have brown eyes, one had blue eyes. Some were balding, some had full heads of hair. Some were.. uh, portly, while one was really muscular, and two or three were pretty lean. Most are pretty intelligent, one wasn't really.

I don't know... it's just been hard liking my teachers. I mean... who can you tell at school that you like your 55 year old teacher? It makes it hard to bond with other girls because it's so hard for us to relate to each other.

It also makes relationships with guys difficult. I'm a reasonably attractive girl. I've had lots of guys crush on me over the years, and I have to turn them down over and over again cuz I just... feel nothing toward them. I went out with a guy for about a month, but that was kind of ridiculous, lol. I think he could tell I just wasn't into him, and he ended it xD I didn't care at all, and haven't had a real relationship since.

There was another guy, though. He moved here at the beginning of my sophomore year. He's pretty quiet and amazing at drawing. He's very bright, which I value in a guy. He's also really funny in a witty/sarcastic/negative kind of way. He's the same religion as me, too, so we have the same values and beliefs. He just seemed perfect. We became friends over time. He had a huuuge crush on me, and we were always seen together. Everyone thought we were going out, but true to our faith, we said we weren't going to date until we were 16 (lol, any guesses what religion I am? =P)

That was just an excuse for me, though. I should have been straight with him from the start, and let him know I just didn't like him like that. But I had so many people give me advice that I should give him a chance. Why shoot down a possible relationship before it even started? Everyone thought it was for the best, and I thought, "Hey, maybe if I go out with him, I'll start to like him, and I can finally have a normal relationship with a guy and live a normal teenage life."

Now, I'm not much into trying to be normal. I think people should accept who they are and not try to change themselves to suit society, but it was becoming very inconvenient, so I hoped a relationship with him would change me.

Well, clinging to this hope, I let the relationship go on far longer than it ought to have. I led him on, and never felt anything for him past friendship.

This has caused a ton of problems, and I just feel horrible for the way I handled the situation. I shouldn't have gotten his hopes up like that. I mean, I don't want to sound vain or anything, but he was like crazy about me--followed me anywhere, was at my beck and call, dreamed about me, talked about me all the time... etc.

And all that time I harbored feeling for someone else. This 55 year old teacher... the aforementioned boy would even accompany me on my trips to visit this former teacher of ours, completely oblivious to my ulterior motives.

Now, I don't want to worry anyone. I haven't actually been involved with any of my teachers. The 55-year-old is married and has a son, and I wouldn't really even dream of trying to break up his life like that. I know he's not the guy for me, and I'll move on, but it just makes me wonder what kind of life I have ahead of me. Will this infatuation with older guys go away? Is it just a phase, or will I have trouble in college as well, enjoying the benefits of healthy relationships?

I just can't see myself liking someone who's not much older than me. I compare it often to being homosexual. They're just NOT attracted to people of the opposite sex. In my case, I'm just NOT interested in any teenage boys. Not really even college-age either. They're just too young to be appealing.

Sorry this post is getting really long, but I think I'll add in one more thing...

As I'm not in my current crush's class anymore, I find it harder to stay infatuated with him. But I can't just NOT have a crush on someone... So... my attentions seem to dart around a lot.

They seem to have gotten caught on my English teacher... problem is... she's a girl...

She's pretty young, I'd say mid-twenties. Married, coaches softball, tomboyish. She's also somewhat overweight. She's not one of those young female teachers that all the boys want. And yet... I think she is one of the most beautiful women I've ever met. I really think she's just like breathtaking, and I admire her immensely.

But I'm not bi. I had some difficulty with this a while back, but I've come to terms with it. I'm not interested in the female teacher sexually or romantically at all. Not one bit. It's like... think about having a crush in elementary school, back before you even knew about sex. Sex has nothing to do with what I feel for her. But I absolutely adore her.

The situation gets even more complicated, but I don't think I'll go any farther than that. I just want to know what you guys think about it. I don't really know what to do. I'm not sure there's much I CAN do. I think there are probably just aspects about ourselves we have to cope with.

Any advice? Suggestions? Admonishments? =P
Can anyone relate? Does anyone know anyone else in a similar situation? Can anyone feel my frustration? XD I just want to get this out there, cuz it's really hard to keep to myself.

I think alot of girls your age really don't care for the immaturity of boys your age. It does seem to me though that it really isn't the persons you have a crush on but more that they are your teachers. You sound really intelligent and maybe you see that so are your teachers and you can relate better to them. It is ok to go without having a crush on others.

You seem to be very mature for your age. But I have to say I have gone through his before myself. I have always had crushes and have day dreamed of being with older men. I actually in my past after my first divorce acted on it (which I was 22-23 at the time) and dated an older man. But then I came to the conclusion that the reason I was wanting to be with older men was because "I' was lacking the father figure. I never had a male in my life growing up and I never thought it effected me until I found my self obsessing over older men, and the guy that I did date was 15 years older then me and our relationship started out just like dating until I noticed I was getting these feeling that I liked the comforting feelings he gave me like I was safe and when he would hold my hand I did get it right then!! I liked him holding my hand because I liked the way it made me feel like a little girl and her daddy! OHHHH, I had to run from that relationship so fast! I was looking for a daddy, and never even new it until after I was in that relationship. I would have never thought or known that before, but that relationship confirmed my loneliness and lacking emotions for a father.

So, I am not saying that this is the issue for you at all, but maybe there is something that you need or haven't had, and that for some reason you are directing your emotions and feeling for older men. And as for the women teacher, her kindness can put off a feeling of comfort for you, and you find that attractive. I have met women b4 and they have put off this kind, attracting, and warm side towards everyone, and she was just so very beautiful and comforting to be around.

I do think that because you are only 16, it's not safe for you to go on and act on your feelings for older men. But, you are at consenting age, and maybe you can try dating a man that is 3-4 years older and see how it makes you feel? There might be an answer in there somewhere!

I hope it all works out for you. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

Thank you so much, bebop, and marriedwithacause for replying to my post.

I know it's not really a huge deal, and as I've had these crushes for so long, I'm pretty much used to them, but I really wanted to explain my situation anyway to see if there were others out there who could relate to me, because I often feel somewhat isolated it. I mean, I have people I've told, like my best friends (thank goodness for them. My mom also knows =P She took it rather well. I'd think most parents would be concerned if their daughter liked men older than themselves.)

Anyway, in response both your comments:

I've spent a lot of time trying to pinpoint exactly what it is that I'm attracted to about these guys (hence the comparisons I made in the topic post) and if you include the female teacher, the one thing is that they're teachers. I don't know if there's something specific about teachers I like. Could be I'm attracted to the fact that they're more knowledgeable and wise than I am--I could learn things from them. Or maybe I just have a thing for authority figures in general. Who knows? ^^

I also, as you(marriedwithacause) suggested, considered what role my father might have played in this. My dad's always been in my life, pretty much. There were weeks when he'd go away on business when I was a child, but I think that's normal. My dad's also really affectionate, while my mom is not so much, and like most girls, I butt heads with my mom and generally get along well with my dad. Ever since 6th grade when he got a new job, he wasn't around as much as was with the previous job (for a few years in my childhood he actually even worked from home). I suppose you could draw a connection there, in that 6th grade is around when I first became interested in men and not boys, but I still think it's somewhat of a stretch, and probably unrelated.

Lastly, another thing I've considered:
I wonder if I have a commitment problem, or something against being in a relationship, because I'm not sure I can say completely honestly that I would even WANT a relationship with one of my teachers. As much as I may fantasize about it, when I think realistically that if any of them took an interest in me like that, I think I'd be more concerned than pleased. I mean, one time, there was a teacher I thought I had a crush on for a few days, but he was just like way too friendly/flirty, and I just got a creepy feeling about him, and I avoid him to this day.
So yeah, I wonder if I don't like teachers because I feel like they're safe? Maybe I like them BECAUSE there's a slim chance they'll like me back?

Anyway, thanks again for reading and replying. I really appreciate the time you've taken to respond.

Well I don't want to go making assumptions about your life. By now I think you realize there could be any number of reasons why you like older men.

From what you have said it seems like you have thought what it would be like to be with someone older. Would you mind describing what your ideal older man is like?

Be careful how you engage with these men if you in fact do care for them.

Because of the age difference and todays hyper sensitive and often skewed perspective on the appropriateness of these types of situations, even innocent behaviors and and actions can be misinterpreted creating extremely volatile situations where a simplistic, uninformed kneej erk reaction could land one of these guys in a world of trouble.

It's sad but it's also the reality of life in the year 2008. There's always a busy body somehwere who feels the obligation to insert thier moral judgements unsolicited into things that may or may not concern them.

Be careful.

Your welcome!

I always liked older men, had always been with an older man...now that I've been married to an older man (I'm 22 he's 34) I miss younger men. Once men reach a certain age they become as mature as the girls.

Just saying from my own personal experience that it may change for you later.