Strange Relationship Situation.....

For the past 3 months I have been dating a man who is 9 years younger than me. He is someone I truly enjoy talking to and just hanging out with. We have many similar interests and I am comfortable being around him. So far he has shown no hint of a bad temper which is great because I have been there too many times in relationships. I have a 14 year old who he has met and they get along famously. I am getting to a point where I really like him and want to spend more time with him but there are some um.....odd things going on that I don't understand and have never encountered in a relationship. First, we have held hands once but never kissed in 3 months. Second, as part of a bizarre evening he started masturbating in front of me. I decided to um....help him along. Afterwards he was moody and sullen and the next day we had a chat online about slowing down. I agreed that we needed to take things slower because we get along well and don't want to force the relationship. Then he mentioned that he would still be dating other people....... that really bothered me and I let him know that while I agreed we should slow down the dating other people is just not my style. After that things were a little weird our next meeting and while we talked and hung out just like always he did not give me a hug goodbye and has not in the past month. We have gone on several more dates but still no more physical contact. This was all a little strange for me to begin with but about two weeks ago we were at his place to watch a movie and he started masturbating in front of me again! This time in an attempt to keep the promise to slow down I just sat there and waited for him to finish. Afterward we watched a movie and it was like nothing was out of the ordinary. I am so confused! What is going on here? I am 34 and have been in several relationships but this is a true first. Any ideas or input into what is happening?

He sounds pretty limited/immature sexually. It's sad....as if he can't handle intimacy and this is all he wants sexually.

If you want to continue to date him, you'll need to set and enforce limits with this guy or he will continue this behavior - just like a phsycially abusive man would. If he is doing what he wants sexually despite what you want....that's not OK. If he sees the masturbation as a problem, and wants to change - great. But he may not - and then you'll have a decision to make.

If you want to just be friends with him, he needs to knock it off in front of you or he will lose a caring friend.

Take care!! S

Sounds like to me that you have found your self a man that has sexual issues of his own that he needs to confront and solve before he can have a regular relationship with any one.

I believe from Seaturtle's post that this man may have suffered from abuse as a young person and has a real fear of true intimacy. If that is the case, make sure he gets good counseling on this or your relationship here will be an unhappy one. If he refueses to acknowledge that there is a real problem, be kind but WALK AWAY from this.

Sorry but I cannot stand men who simply gratify themselves and make no effort to bring pleasure to the woman they are with. I feel bad for every woman stuck with a man who denies them in that way, its not right.

In my world the needs of my lover come before my own.

Good luck and take care.

yes he sounds a little different/.

yeah he has some sexual dysfunction thing going on for sure. might want to talk to him about it?

If you feel ackward of the situation then back off and leave hin for good. That's just simple...unless a quantum of interest is in you.

I have a similar situation. I know how you feel and how frustrating it is to be with a guy with sexual issues. You feel like you can't say anything or you'll be offending his man-ness, at least thats how my guy friends defended it.

When, in reality, you just want to understand and help him heal. Good luck to you sister! Hope you find out what is really causing all the stress and help him work through it to some real peace of mind.

~Ally