STD Question

I had sex with a man. His now ex-gf called me recently, when she finally got ahold of me, she said he has herpes. I am concerned that I may now too. Is there any chance that if we had sex without a condom I might not have it? I can honestly say I don't recall if we used one or not; not that they protect against stuff all the time. Either way I need to get tested for stuff too; as I tend to make very poor decisions when I'm manic and sometimes when I'm depressed because sex makes me feel better. I'm a little afraid too with the fact that I might becoming a "nympho". If it does come back that I have something I need to take care of things and certainly do not want to spread things to others and need to be more responsible than this sleaze, and more responsible in general. I'm really stressed out and disgusted with myself a lot at the moment; not to mention scared. I wasn't sure if this belonged in the woman's section or not... this seemed to be more general and might benefit others. Hope I didn't upset anyone. A response would be greatly appreciated as I have been having a terrible time lately with mania and what not (if u read my post in the general section it goes into great detail), and could really use some support as well Thanks.

maybe you need to ask him if he really has it first. then see a dr. always use a condom.

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evildouble102 said:
Is there any chance that if we had sex without a condom I might not have it?
I'm really stressed out and disgusted with myself a lot at the moment; not to mention scared.

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Yes Evildouble,,there is a chance. Herpes is difficult(but not impossible) to transmit without an active "sore". If he was in a dormant stage you may indeed not be infected.

I would have a complete screen done for all STDs to put your mind at ease and begin a program of safe sex practices regardless of your emotional state.

The guilt/shame you are feeling is misplaced IMHO...we all make mistakes..the real tragedies are in not learning from them...

You have a chance at learning now..

With care,

Lenny

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evildouble102 said:
Is there any chance that if we had sex without a condom I might not have it?

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Yes it is very likely that you could have it if you two did not use a condom during sexual intercourse...... please know that it only takes one time of unprotected sex to pass along a STD.

Please talk to him and if he does indeed have it - see your own doctor ASAP!

I am crossing my fingers that you will be safe from getting it if he was not active with a breakout...... ((( hugs )))

Thanks to all who answered. I talked to his ex this morning bc she called me to tell me that. She seemed serious about it and thought that I should know. Like I said I don't know if a condom was used or not. I know there were no breakouts atleast (no sores, etc. that were visible). I don't think I am showing any symptoms from what I have read about he herpes virus; but, still want to get checked and make sure. Can someone tell me: what I need to ask the doctor to do for tests or whatever... I guess I would like her to test for anything and everything she can; but, I know at my current state couldn't handle being scolded for it or anything like that and I know that would add to my stress right now. That would not be a good thing. I am going to try to be more careful at the very least. The problem is all men say (or so it seems) what you want to hear or what they think you want to hear. Never have I heard of any woman (including myself) being told that her partner had something he could pass on. I am thinking of calling a friend I went to college with. She said at one point she contracted something; but, did not say what. She would probably be able to tell me or have some idea about all of this because she works in a hospital as well, not as a career; but, it seems she has been working there even before school. I'm going to have to try and let it go for now and not worry about it so much. I know that's going to be very hard to do; but, it's the best thing and the only thing I can do for myself right now or atleast until I am able to be tested.

just a note, if your feeling nervous about seeing your own doctor, you could probably visit a planned parenthood clinic and have the testing done through them. If you have one near by.

True, worrying about it won't do any good. Be tested and remove all doubt.

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A good doctor isn't going to scold you. They may remind you to use protection next time you have sex, but I wouldn't take that as a scolding.

Just tell the doc what you've said here -- you want all the STD testing.

Unfortunately, herpes can be spread with apparent symptoms and without. There does not have to be an "active" outbreak for contagion to occur.

I hope all your tests are negative!
Best,
Okie

I'm not sure his ex-girlfriend is the most reliable source. You must consider her motives for causing stress in your relationship.

If he does not have active HSV-1 (usually cold sores around the mouth) or HSV-2 (genital type) there is a small chance that you could still contract HSV. This would be through "viral shedding" in which the virus sheds itself at the skin surface. This is estimated to only occur for 5% of the year.

The best thing to do is get tested. there is treatment available.

Actually it occurs a lot more often than only 5% of the year. And it is more than a "small chance" that it could be passed to you.

Just wanted to clarify.
Thanks,
Okie

I think you both should be tested. She could be being a good person and warning you, or she could by lying.

Thanks again to all who responded. To update this I got the results over the phone a couple of weeks ago and was told by my pcp that the results were negative. However, I got the official document from my pcp a week or maybe a lil longer ago. And again I was completely relieved to find out everything came back negative that they tested for: which I couldn't think for anything they didn't test for. I just told them to test for whatever they could and the reasons.

Great news! I am glad to hear. Congrats, Im sure this was a weight off your shoulders!! But if you consider sexual activity with this partner in the future, use protection, and maybe he should get tested himself, because there is a chance that if he had it afterall he can still transmit it to you. Take the advice. You want to know my little secret? I have herpes. I got it from a sexual partner that did not know he had it. I should have known not to mess around with him, he was a "ladies man" and who knows how many people he slept with. You know, this is my first time admitting this in PC, but if I can share something personal to help someone else with future choices to protect them, i will.