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bellatrix
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Default Jun 05, 2008 at 12:41 PM
  #1
ACK! First of all, I know I am not asexual. My husband and I used to have a VERY active and healthy sex life. After we had our son (5 years ago) my sex drive plummeted. Every now and then I get an urge, but it is very infrequently. Even when being stimulated by him/vibrator/self, my body does not respond.

I want to want sex. I am 30 and should be in my prime. I am not on any meds... even birth control. (He had a vasectomy.) My GP has checked my hormone levels and I am completely healthy. My son spends the night with his grandparents frequently, so that's not an issue. I'm not even stressed right now. (Teacher with the summer off.)
Things that used to turn me on do not work anymore and even in the middle of sex, my body does not react. I hate to say it, but I sympathize with Miranda on SATC movie: "Let's just get it over with."
I wish it were a phase, but this is becoming a 5-6 year phase. not interested in sex :(

What gives? Anyone else with this problem? Anyone know a way to help my body get with what my mind wants?
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Rhapsody
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Default Jun 05, 2008 at 01:38 PM
  #2
Since all health issues have been cleared - I have to say this is a psychological issue - as sex is 90% mental and 10% physical.

May I ask of your sexual back ground? - any abuse or any resentment.
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bellatrix
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Default Jun 05, 2008 at 06:57 PM
  #3
No, nothing of the sort. That's why it seems so odd to me... not interested in sex :(
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Default Jun 05, 2008 at 09:13 PM
  #4
You had a big change in your lifestyle, with the baby. Lots of stressors, even though you don't feel it? I suggest your and your spouse begin "dating" again. Make a date each week when it's just you two, but not at home. Do something like what you did when you were courting, or first married. No expectations of ending up in bed though, and no pressure to do so. (In fact, if you can withhold from becoming so physical during the first several weeks of the date, it will help.) No discussion of bills or child issues either. not interested in sex :(

If nothing else, it will strengthen your relationship with each other, and it might also solve your intimacy problem. not interested in sex :(

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Over_It
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Default Jun 06, 2008 at 03:26 AM
  #5
Bellatrix.....Ima pickin up what ur laying down!! I am not interested anymore either. I don't know how to get over it, so maybe we can learn together. Like you said, "I want to want sex". I am 31, have 3 kids, and have been married for 8yrs. My husband and I have been together for 14ys. In my situation, I am at the point of thinking it is resentment. He had multiple affairs. I didn't find this out until our second child was one month old. I was devastated =( to say the least. But, even before all this I didn't really ever have a high sex drive. I have had all the check ups as well, and NOTHING!! It is just my problem. When we got back to together (after separating for awhile....after I found out) we dated, and things were great. My sex drive picked up..... That was 3yrs ago! And, now I really don't care anymore. I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!! It is causing problems in my marriage now. Most people probably argue over money, NOPE not us....our arguements are over S E X. What to do....What to do????

SOMEONE HELP PLEASE!!!
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Default Jun 06, 2008 at 03:37 AM
  #6
well not interested is a start i dont have a good answer try something to bring happiness to you anything at all talk to a doctor or something

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Default Jun 10, 2008 at 08:29 AM
  #7
Over It -
I'm glad I'm not the only one in the world that feels this way. I'm sorry to hear about your husband's previous affairs. I'm wondering if it has that much to do with it since you said before that you didn't have a high sex drive.
I wonder if having kids can sometimes just make us lose the desire... shift of hormones where maybe they are still there but don't work right?! Who knows?!
Like I said though, it is comforting to know I'm not the only one!
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Default Jun 26, 2008 at 06:25 PM
  #8
bellatrix,

Remember, The mind is the number one sex organ!!!

Find a way to work with it.

Rick

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Default Jun 27, 2008 at 11:35 AM
  #9
hey. do you actualy feel properly feminine bella?
cuz i figure, the more like a woman you feel, and the more beautiful your partner makes you feel, the higher your sex drive may be. i dont know. but its a thought. having children i think tends to make women feel less beautiful, i could be totally wrong. but its a thought. maybe dress yourself up and make yourself feel gorgeous. even if it doesnt boost your sex drive, its a nice idea.

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Default Jul 12, 2008 at 02:16 AM
  #10
I have this problem too. Thing is-I have been like this for a long time. When we met I told him I could care less about having sex. Now 8 years later he seems to have forgotten that I told him this and is upset that I am never in the mood. Like you -I too used to be in the mood way more often. Now it is nothing. Married this time for 8 years and now it is a problem. I feel so lost and don't know what to do. He seems to think I should do it anyway even if I don't feel like it. Been there, done that in my previous marriage and it felt like I was being forced every time. Hubby now tries to say he does things he doesn't feel to doing all the time. (such as going to work everyday, mowing the yard, etc) I am lost and don't know what to do. Sometimes wish I would never have gotten married.
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