Is he.. trying to get rid of me?

Hi everyone!

I've been in a long distance relationship with someone for quite some time. We spend a couple of weeks together every few months and this is good for now. The problem is sex.

There seems to be an issue with E.D. no.. no.. there IS an issue. He said he's never had a problem before.. ok.. no problem... it's very common, you're getting older.. blah blah blah. He keeps saying "don't worry.. it'll happen". Ok.. so I believed him. I make sure he's satisfied sexually and sometimes he tries with me.

A few months later we get together, and he still can't get hard enough for penetration. I sort of expected this. We had a good, serious talk.. right then and there. He said he was feeling bad about it, it was hurting his ego... on and on. The funny thing here is that prior to this visit, he asked me if I would marry a man who couldn't "perform". I told him just how I feel... that if there's nothing which can be done about it, I'm fine with it... but if something can be done and he chooses to do nothing.. that shows me he has no interest in my happiness. He was happy with that response.

So, we did the usual do... but no intercourse. He asks me AGAIN how I feel. He asked if I'm disappointed. I told him I won't lie. I would LOVE to have that union with him, but the fact that at this moment we cannot enjoy each other that way doesn't mean he doesn't make me happy. I told him that I truly enjoy him in and out of bed. I love to touch him, I love the intimate time we spend together.

I suggested he go see his doctor and ask if he's healthy enough for a little vitamin V. He laughs... agrees.. and puts some thought into what excuse he'll make for the visit. I go home.

He had call to go to the doctor yesterday.. .. a pulled muscle, so prior to the visit I said "oh.. this is a good time to ask for a rx of viagra or cialis, levitra.. whatever. He agreed.

He called after the appointment and I let him tell me what went on, the rx he got for the problem....... and I waited. He didn't mention asking the doctor if he was healthy enough to take any medication for E.D.. So I asked "did you happen to ask the doctor". He got a little nasty and said loudly "NO I DIDN'T, BUT I'LL GET TO IT".

I changed the subject IMMEDIATELY.. all the while thinking that he just doesn't want me. He says he does, he says he loves me, says he can't wait to see me.. but to be honest, if he's not willing to make the attempt to correct something which could possibly be an easy fix and will make both of us feel a lot better, I'm afraid this reflects how he'll handle other situations.. (by ignoring them)?

The relationship is serious... because of his work, I'm the one considering relocating.. but I have to be honest, I feel like he just doesn't care HOW I feel. I didn't think this was going to be an issue. At first I thought.. "oh.. no biggie.. easy to deal with". Now I'm thinking that this little issue is becoming consuming.

Men are welcome to chime in here. Is this how he's putting me off?

Thank you
L

maybe he is embarressed to ask the dr. I kind of have an issue similar.

I would have thought that he'd feel even more embarassed when he keeps telling me "it'll happen.. it'll happen".. over and over again... then it just can't happen. Why bother saying that to me? Just say "it's not gonna happen.. get over it".. pfffffffffft

I know how you are feeling hon. my hubby refuses to get the rx too. he did go so far as to have his testosterone checked but that is as far as he went.

I don't think hes trying to get rid of you, but we all know most guys dont like asking for help, so i think hes scared. Nothing wrong with that either, did you go to the doc with him?

No, I couldn't go with him... I'm already home (1100 miles). I was just there for 2 weeks in June. Truly though, he had the last year to make a doctor's appointment. He knew this was happening.. the e.d... he knows each time I'm coming out.. and I know he's seen a doctor a couple of times about this joint/muscle issue.

I truly do NOT know what to say to him anymore. It was no big deal at one point, and the intimate time was pretty good considering... but this last time I spent 2 weeks biting my lip as he rolled over to go to sleep.

Is there anything I could say.. or ask? I'm thinking about ending the relationship which is sad because I care for him so much, but I don't think being with a man who ignores things hoping they'll go away is the wisest thing to do.

I dont like the fact that he got nasty and shouted at you when all you was doing was asking as how did it go after he said he was going to ask......

I would question the relationship over this and the fact that he wont do anything about an issue which is serious to a relationship.

Yes.. that's been bothering me as well. This isn't the first time he got loud with me for no good reason. I ask him why he's so angry and he yells I'M NOT ANGRY. I either choose to make a big deal out of his attitude, or saunter off somewhere to lick my wounds. If I call him out.... it could be hours of complete b*llsh*t. When I ask "why do you speak to me this way"? It's usually an hour long oration describing the evils that are "me".

Pack up and move on .....

Gawd, I hate to, but you're probably right on. Yesterday took the cake. He didn't call for a couple of days so I called and asked what was wrong. He yelled "I want some time with my kid".. OMG! Where on earth did THAT come from? Um.. I've been THERE .. he doesn't spend every minute with his son! He lets him go out and play with the other kids and such.

I told him that it's becoming obvious that this relationship simply isn't viable. I feel he mistreated me when I was there and he has continued to do so and that I have to have a tad more self respect by not allowing this to continue.

I think we were a novelty to each other. In high school we had a big crush on each other and didn't do anything about it. So here.. 30 years later, we did something about it and I guess it was like cheating on time or something. So here I am.. alone again, naturally!

Alone .....Yes

Self respect .... Yes

Get someone else .... Yes

Better than him .... Yes !

I can only see pluses without him and minuses with him good luck and I know you will be fine without him !

Trish.

Thank you