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Junior Member
Member Since Jul 2008
Posts: 14
15 |
Jul 05, 2008 at 05:51 PM
#1
<font color="yellow"> </font> my fiance and i have been together for 9 months now.when we first got together he was wearing bras and womens underwear. he has stopped wearing the bras last december, but continues to wear womans underwear. its gotten so bad that hes always looking on ebay for new panties and told me he wont even try to wear mens underwear-what do i do? hes been know to watch gay porn and or bi sexual porn. im straight and never wanted to have that lifestyle. i love him but dont like the things he does. he also has tons of womens clothing packed up that he use to wear. ive been told that he use to wear lingerie with his ex wife. is he gay, or what is he? im confused and it kinda makes me sick sometimes--someone please give me some advice.
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Ga
Posts: 13,936
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Jul 05, 2008 at 07:12 PM
#2
I would say you either need/have to accept his lifestyle or move on. not sure I could live with my husband if he had that lifestyle either. I can't say whether your guy is gay or not but I think he won't change either. you haven't been together for very long for sure. I think it would be easier to move on now rather than later. good luck
__________________ He who angers you controls you! |
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Junior Member
Member Since Jul 2008
Posts: 14
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Jul 05, 2008 at 08:03 PM
#3
thank u bebop for tha reply. i do love him very much. and i want to love him for him but its really hard when he secretly looks up things that i wouldnt look up.he says hes not bi or interested in guys but sometimes i wonder??? and when we first got together he had a myspace page and on that page he listed himself as bi-sexual,when i asked him about it he said his ex put that on there, and of course i thought ok so why didnt you change it. he did eventually.
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Ga
Posts: 13,936
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Jul 06, 2008 at 12:22 AM
#4
hon I just see red flags popping up here for you. a tough place for sure.
__________________ He who angers you controls you! |
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Junior Member
Member Since Jul 2008
Posts: 14
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Jul 06, 2008 at 04:26 PM
#5
hi bebop--well did some investigating and found out he belongs to a site that is adults only and he has listed himself as bisexual swinger that into men and women. the last time he was on that site was august of last year.
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,840
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Jul 06, 2008 at 06:04 PM
#6
Some people just have weird fetishes, but hmmmm thats a toughie
__________________ Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn's rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there, I did not die. R.I.P. Bandit 7-12-08 I love you I miss you. |
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2003
Location: noplace
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Jul 06, 2008 at 06:55 PM
#7
You need to sit down with him and talk about these things. Ask him to help you understand what it is and what it means to him. Wearing women's underwear doesn't make him gay, since people can cross-dress and that might be as far as they go and might not have anything to do with their preference for partners. But it sounds like he's into some other stuff too, and it concerns me that he seems to be hiding that from you. But that might just be how I read it. If he will be honest and tell you about his lifestyle and what it means to him, then you two can decide what each of you can live with and what you can't, and work out whether or not you can make this work.
__________________ “We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg 
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Junior Member
Member Since Jul 2008
Posts: 14
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Jul 06, 2008 at 08:29 PM
#8
thank u for the reply.ive tryed talking to him in the past and all he tells me is that he wont even try to wear mens underwear because supposedly every type is uncomfortable to him.i got him to stop wearing bras==thank god. that was really wierd for me.hes always looking up womans panties and crossdressers underwear on ebay- it kinda grosses me out.his favorite color is pink and he actually wears pink shorts around the house.his family doesnt know he does these things,every time i do try to talk to him he gets real defensive about the subject. i love him and he is very sexy when i overlook his female side. he actually looks alot like stone cold steve austin.
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Ga
Posts: 13,936
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Jul 07, 2008 at 02:59 PM
#9
hon he is hiding alot from you. if he is listed on adult sites as bi then I bet he is and maybe he is trying to go straight beging with you. though I would not bet on it working. again I see big huge red flags.
__________________ He who angers you controls you! |
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Member
Member Since Sep 2007
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 380
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Jul 07, 2008 at 03:07 PM
#10
Why do you want him to be something he's not?
Why do you insist that he change to fit your ideal? It does sound as if he's got some sexual issues he needs to work through...But if you aren't willing to work WITH him and be supportive of HIS choices, then maybe you two shouldn't be a couple. I've had people try to change me to be their "perfect" partner, and it just made me feel worthless and unwanted and resentful. I tried to change, but then I wasn't myself anymore. I can't pretend, and I shouldn't have to. Nobody should have to pretend. Why can't you just accept him the way he is? Either that or let him go free to find out who he really wants to be. __________________ They don't ever lock ya up for thinking crazy - they only get ya for actin' crazy! And just 'cause I'm paranoid doesn't mean they aren't really out to get me... |
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 Willcat
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Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2007
Location: where the x marks the spot
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Jul 07, 2008 at 04:15 PM
#11
I completely agree with Kendyll.
Best of luck to you in whatever you choose. __________________ 花鳥風月
c'est tout ce que j'aime |
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 5,042
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Jul 08, 2008 at 08:33 AM
#12
Lovefrogs71
You have two choices 1) accept him the way he is or 2) get out of the relationship. You’ll never truly change him, he'll just hide it better. If you want a long term relationship with him you have to love him warts and all. So the ball is in your court, do you love him the way he is or the way you wish he was? __________________ I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children. |
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Willcat
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Junior Member
Member Since Jul 2008
Posts: 14
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Jul 08, 2008 at 09:31 PM
#13
thanks for the reply
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Junior Member
Member Since Jul 2008
Posts: 14
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Jul 08, 2008 at 09:34 PM
#14
i do love him but not use to the things hr does and is very hard to get use to them when it changes everyday literally!!!
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Junior Member
Member Since Jul 2008
Posts: 14
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Jul 08, 2008 at 09:42 PM
#15
today i found out hes been looking up womans dresses and mini skirts---what the heck bebop? i can handle the womans underwear thing but not him wearing dresses and i know he not looking at them for his mom because thats not her size or type of dresses. im confused and dont want to lose him but im bumfuggled.
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
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Jul 09, 2008 at 07:35 PM
#16
It sounds like he's confused too. Perhaps he's not ready for a long term relationship.
__________________ I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children. |
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Junior Member
Member Since Jul 2008
Posts: 14
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Jul 09, 2008 at 08:08 PM
#17
well to make matters worse i just found out he was looking in personals ads online for men seeking men and is looking up womans skirts to buy on ebay, how can he say he loves me and wants to marry me when he coming across gay--this sickins me. im stuck because i do love him but hes coming across gay.
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Member
Member Since Jun 2008
Location: Jersey
Posts: 245
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Jul 09, 2008 at 08:21 PM
#18
He's definitely not being honest with you and maybe not himself either. If this is who he is and this is not who you want as a partner then I will have to agree with kendyll. You have to let him go. You're not talking about having to deal with leaving his socks in the middle of the floor. This is a biggy and if who he is make you ill just to think about it, how could you love him? This is a big part of what makes him, him. Or is it that you're just physically attracted to him? Lust not Love? You have some serious soul searching to do.
__________________ Take me away... a secret place... a sweet escape... Take me away... to brighter days... a higher place... Take me away. |
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Junior Member
Member Since Jul 2008
Posts: 14
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Jul 18, 2008 at 10:40 AM
#19
well everyone i finally broke down and talked to him about it and he got real defensive, tryed to deny it until i showed him all the weird things hes been looking up on the computer. all he could say was so what and tryed to tell me he told me about all this when we got together----no he didnt.he did tell me 9 months ago that him and his ex wife were into being swingers and role playing, well he knows by now im not like that and i wont be. so im back to square one again.
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 5,042
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Jul 18, 2008 at 02:26 PM
#20
(((((lovefrogs71))))) I'm sorry that this relationship hasn't worked out, but as hard as it is, look at the silver lining, you found out before you got married.
__________________ I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children. |
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