Trauma First Thoughts at Waking

Since this rift, which led to his abandonment, happened with my son, I wake up with it on my mind. For the past couple months, I’ve been waking in the middle of the night with this panic. I think, “Did this really happen? I wish it was only a bad dream and didn’t really happen.” But it happened.

You are processing or perhaps figuring more out about why it all happened. You will always be connected with him in some way but it is just time to accept that you need this time apart from him to process it. I hope that eventually everyone understands their part in the drama and forgives themselves and each other. Hugs.

I know what happened, have spend countless time figuring it out. He was completely impressionable to his new influencers and simply turned on us. The reality is so traumatic, I keep thinking it couldn’t be real when I open my eyes, only to remember it is a living nightmare.

I know you have had similar issues with your son. It’s so strange how we both first had husband issues, then son issues. You must feel similar shock that it can’t be happening, but it is.

In all honesty, I am completely in the dark about 100 percent of what goes on in my son's heart and perhaps there is a mood swing issue but I do know that spending countless hours thinking about what already happened was driving me to madness and deep depression. When things happened, there were lots of characters reacting to each other (projection, triggered emotional reactions, bad decisions). I meant well and have mostly forgiven myself for my role. I hope he can forgive himself (if he feels guilty about anything, just not 100 percent sure where his heart is at) and find his way to a better life.

I will continue to pray for you and your family.

Yes, there are differences in that your son is on his own with his struggles and anger toward the family for reasons he can explain. Although, a young man that doesn’t have mood issues may have handled the situation better. It is hard to distinguish between real circumstances and his own personal issues in how he reacted.

With my son there were no issues. Then his college friends convinced him that he needed to stand up to his overbearing parents ( which was not true) and be independent ( which really he was led to be just like them) and I am sure the true motive was to alienate him for their control of him. He bit hook, line, and sinker. So there is something wrong with him and with us as parents. Why wouldn’t he have said “My parents are great. I won’t hurt them”?

The dream I just had about him, he reluctantly spoke to me as I begged for answers. He said it was my problem relationship with my husband that made him hate us. Thus it was possibly a MI that got me hated, rather than helped by my family.

Once awake, I still don’t think that was valid justification. My mother was much worse and treated me abusively giving me the silent treatment and disowning me, and I never went estranged. The most I just didn’t call her lately was for a month when she disowned me for accusing me of saying awful things I never said and insisting I did and badmouthing me to the rest of the family. I never did anything but act with love and respect to my son.

I still hold out hope while accepting reality.

I’m having too hard a time getting past this. I guess a psychiatrist and more meds is in order.

How does one get over their son who they thought they had a great relationship with doesn’t love them and turned on them?

Please no ‘helpful’ comments criticizing me here, folks. I don’t need to get accused of having victim mentality. I’m not even saying I am a victim. More just a victim of circumstances.