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Default Feb 15, 2020 at 01:19 PM
  #1
Ok, so why do I keep dreaming about my past flings and crushes?? I mean, I'm married and mostly happy, but I suppose, as I said in another post, I never really had those sick to my stomach butterflies about this relationship...did I just answer my own question? Does my subconscious still long for that which I don't have? How do I make it stop??

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Default Feb 15, 2020 at 07:11 PM
  #2
What about your current relationship made you want this relationship?
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Default Feb 15, 2020 at 07:41 PM
  #3
Idk if you’re manic but it can make you hypersexual ....stopping the mania will stop it.....

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Default Feb 16, 2020 at 12:50 AM
  #4
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Originally Posted by SorryShaped View Post
What about your current relationship made you want this relationship?
Hi! Sorry, I'm a bit confused by your question. What about my current relationship made me want them?

Well, if so, they gave me a sense of peace, gave me confidence in myself but also gave me tools to succeed at life. They were kind and gentle and patient and innocent...

We joke about it, but there may be an element of truth to this, he's now changed and the joke is that I created a monster. I mean that my influence and presence has changed him in that he's not as innocent and maybe has less patience with me now (although he claims to have a lot of patience). We both have lost that shield you have when first dating that keeps you from being overly honest. It's a good and bad thing. Feeling comfortable enough with someone to be that honest is good...maybe I feel it's a little one sided though. And while we do have peace, it's not all the time. With the exception of the last week, we'd been kindof arguing a lot with each other or complaining at each other...or well, for awhile that too was feeling one sided.

So, perhaps I'm jus out of the honeymoon phase and miss the newness of new relationships and just cling to the ones I used to want in my subconscious???

Did that answer you question or have I just blown this whole topic into a new topic?

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Default Feb 16, 2020 at 12:51 AM
  #5
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Idk if you’re manic but it can make you hypersexual ....stopping the mania will stop it.....
Yeah, I don't think I'm hypersexual (er well, maybe just last night but) because I have these dreams when depressed too.
(See my followup thoughts in the post above)

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Default Feb 16, 2020 at 03:26 AM
  #6
I think you've solved why you find yourself thinking about others. You're unhappy. You have a lot to be happy with, but also things to work on.
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Default Feb 16, 2020 at 12:06 PM
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I think you've solved why you find yourself thinking about others. You're unhappy. You have a lot to be happy with, but also things to work on.
Yeah, I suppose. But I feel like, even in my honeymoon phase, I was still dreaming.

-----

It probably goes without saying, but I had another dream last night. Sigh! It's just something I wanted so desperately once upon a time and just can't seem to move on, maybe not even if I work on/fix those things. Sigh! Sorry if I'm wasting people's time here. Just thought I'd give it a shot to see what others think before I see a therapist. Thanks!

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Default Feb 16, 2020 at 03:18 PM
  #8
Afterthought (because I was wondering why I had this particular dream) it's probably because the topic of my old high school being torn down soon came up again last night and this was a high school crush (although it developed into "something" in the next few years as we sorta kept in touch). Anyway, I have strong feelings about the school closing, but because of these reminders, maybe it's a good thing and these dreams might even go away!

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Default Feb 16, 2020 at 04:24 PM
  #9
I went through a time when I fantasized constantly about being with other women, when I was married. I learned to use that energy in my monogamous sex life. It did make being with my wife at the time much better, though I never told her I was fantasizing.
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Default Feb 16, 2020 at 05:55 PM
  #10
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I went through a time when I fantasized constantly about being with other women, when I was married. I learned to use that energy in my monogamous sex life. It did make being with my wife at the time much better, though I never told her I was fantasizing.
Well, how would that work if I don't want to be thinking of others when I'm ...you know. (I know I can say the words, but I'm a little reserved too). I mean, I actually think things have been getting better in that department, to be frank, but what's lacking is the flirting, the excitement of the like unknown (do they really like me? I think so...this game is fun...sort of stuff). Know what I mean?
So i mean, is it even possible to use that energy without thinking about others and if so, how?

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Default Feb 16, 2020 at 06:02 PM
  #11
I don't know.
Ever hear the phrase "everybody's always f-------g somebody else" which means that most people fantasize during sex?
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Default Feb 16, 2020 at 08:18 PM
  #12
Ah, it's ok SorryShaped. No I've never actually heard that. Hmm. Oh well! I do appreciate you speaking frankly with me though and sharing your experience. I guess I'm still at square one, but it's still nice to at least try to figure these things out.
best!

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