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DazedandConfused254
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DazedandConfused254 On hiatus from MSF, except for PMs
 
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Default Jun 22, 2020 at 08:43 PM
  #1
One of the most common themes of my dreams in recent years involve former crushes, which I’m highly confused over since my current lifestyle does not lend itself well for dating. Due to a wealth of insecurities, I’ve lost interest in the opposite sex even if I had the chance, and also get annoyed when some discussed the topic with me. Since I’ve been able to do so much independently (friends, traveling, finish school), the benefits of being single for me far outweigh those of romance. Except for the annoying, pretentious stories I see from people coupling up on SM I have come to find joy in being single. Therefore it seems as if mingling should be the last thing on my mind, apparently except in my subconsciousness.

This phase started about a year ago, where I had a vivid dream of the girl who I took to my high school’s presentation play. On the contrary to real life events (she is actually dating someone even though we are good friends), the dream featured me dating her and throwing in a wealth of flirts over her character and other-worldly appearance. I woke up in the middle of the night wishing the dream was real. But I think I was keeping up with this woman at that time on social media because she was traveling to the same places that I have visited and won a sweet position with a real estate agency.

Now let’s fast forward to the present day after quite a few similarly-themed dreams, increasing in intensity since the first. Many of my more recent dreams have involved behavior more common in almost married relationships (ex: prolonged kissing). I’ve had more of them focused on attractive women I’ve known since my early childhood.

The one dream that has me interested in finding these dreams’ root cause is one I had a couple of weeks ago. The woman in my dream was the closest chance I had at a relationship when I was in my final days of high school. Everyone wanted me to ask her out after a few dates, because it was apparent she was smitten with me but I was about to hit undergrad and was slightly repelled by a few undesirable traits. She would display an inappropriate affect at upbeat social events (like prom, homecoming dance) and sometimes used sweeping, obvious attention-seeking statements if I could not accompany her on a date. The weirdest thing was she even specifically messaged me to like a post on Facebook. I’ve reconnected with her after 3-4 years of not speaking with each other when I sent her a heartfelt birthday wish recently, but I’ve been baffled ever since I had a dream where I was seriously dating her and after bringing her flowers and plenty of smooches I even asked her to marry me. What the living heck is up with that?

Why am I having all these dreams??? As stated since the thought of women and dating make me cower, is there even a remote chance I can keep them from happening??

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DX'd Moderate GAD and depression in April 2021. But it is only a part of me, not defining me.

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Default Jun 23, 2020 at 09:56 AM
  #2
Dear DazedandConfused254,

I have had dreams like that too although I am generally quite happy that I am single. The human brain is so mysterious and seems to have a mind of its own. Since you are a very complex human being, I wouldn't really have any clue about why you are having these dreams. If there is some way to "control" what dreams come to one during sleep, I don't know. I am so sorry that your life is being disrupted by your dreams.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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DazedandConfused254
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Default Jun 24, 2020 at 12:06 AM
  #3
Thanks for your thoughtful response Yaowen. You’ve been more helpful lately than you may ever know! My sleep life hasn’t been disrupted too much by dreams themselves per se, but since I struggle with keeping normal hours and often take melatonin to help me fall asleep I’ve had some pretty wacky dreams since. Since people in the past have said stuff like “well if you’re experience these feelings/sensations why don’t you just seek a relationship??” I have kind of fretted over appearing as hypocritical, or not practicing what I preach even in situations I can’t control, but I feel better knowing that there’s someone like me experiencing the same thing.

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DX'd Moderate GAD and depression in April 2021. But it is only a part of me, not defining me.

"If you can dream it you can do it!" ~ Walt Disney
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Default Jun 27, 2020 at 04:44 AM
  #4
I have repeated dreams in which former boyfriends appear. Usually they are judging me harshly. I was the one to end the relationships with both men. The dreams are very unpleasant and I've no idea why I have them. I wish I could help you with insight.

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Default Jun 27, 2020 at 12:02 PM
  #5
In dreams they often represent parts of yourself.

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Thanks for this!
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Default Aug 27, 2020 at 10:17 AM
  #6
I can kind of relate - I often dream about my last ex. In these dreams, I’m usually looking for him and feel sad that I cannot find him. In reality, I didn’t love him, was very confused/anxious all the time and glad I ended it! I’m also very happy being single; I’d never go back to him especially, so I have zero clue what this is all about.
I have read the “logic centre” in the brain turns off during sleep, at least during the REM phases, which explains why dreams don’t make sense, although when it comes to recurring dreams I’m in the “there’s a message there, find out what your mind is trying to tell you” camp. But I don’t think the message here actually is as simple as “find a partner.”
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Default Aug 27, 2020 at 03:44 PM
  #7
Strangely or not, I've never dreamt about my ex and we were together a long time. Perhaps I've not addressed the issue properly or just consigned it to history.

I've dreamt about men I had an excellent platonic relationship with. Perhaps it's regret that couldn't be closer or because you've lost touch.

Perhaps I'm still searching for Mr Right.....
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Default Sep 01, 2020 at 11:41 AM
  #8
I've had dreams about my previous relationships when I've done something or seen something that has made me think about my past that has obviously triggered something in my brian to have such a dream?
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