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Old 01-30-2019, 09:45 PM   #1
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Heart Smoking Cessation check in

Hi all, I dont see a smoking Cessation check in.
I am not sure if one was made and it dwindled off or if some thought to combine it with the addiction check in.

Right now with me I would like to focus on just smoking, I hope it's ok that I'm creating this and I sincerely hope others to join in and support o our selves and one another.

*we are all strong in our own ways, and we can achieve so much.
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Old 01-30-2019, 10:05 PM   #2
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Default Re: Smoking Cessation check in

Checking in- today has been very difficult. Today per my app is "day 12" .
I've had very negative thoughts, very depressed thoughts, I cried for two hours this morning. While my other disorders, along with a few heart aching anniversaries coming up, have some play in this, but the quitting cigarettes has touched something,.. it's very difficult. And I hate it's difficult. I hate that I struggle with this too.

I remind myself to reread articles, to remind myself this will pass and it's part of a process. To remind myself of coping skills and bringing myself to do them.

I have had coworker support, my ex/my friend, and even when I picked up my package from the office today- the apt manager, that's kind, mentioned to me that I can do this, and that at least I keep tryin even of I've quit a thousand times before and struggle.

Part of my ties to cigs in away was.... so much.
One was just a slow acceptable death, that in a way validates core negative beliefs- I am nothing and dont matter, so why not light up?

I want a cigarette right now because "nothing matters " but I know from many failed attempts in the past- if I light one up, I'll be here again just on another day. Very much so trying best to challenge these thoughts, as they are nothing unusual for me. I've had practice, I've learned some more tools and hope to find more along the way.

Day 18 for some reason a milestone for me.. if I can make it to day 18 , while not a month it will mean so much... day 18 is 6 (actually almost 5 days, as I am about to go to sleep and wake up on day 13).

I hate the counting, but also understand for me- it means a lot In the long run.

I've made it almost a year one time, I understand now- I can't just have one... I am sad at this fact for me.
I will miss cigs. As sad as that may seem to others I will... no one in flesh, has been such a great shoulder to cry on and help me keep my temper at times, or validate such strong (negative)beliefs when I felt I needed them to.

I am quitting smoking for health reasons, I have back issues which i know, i understand and have had horrible times with.
I remind myself to try best not to feel shame or regret-- I must admit, I am an addict to this substance... and try best not to compare and beat myself up with other addictions I've had that I've left in the past.

One day at a time... follow the patches that I'm doing, and yes- I am using a vape for the time being, but at a low level-
Remind myself to use skills, to reach out.

I am trying to remind myself I don't know what the future holds... i have fears that some may not understand, but I'll just have to wait and see.
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Old 01-31-2019, 07:55 AM   #3
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Default Re: Smoking Cessation check in

Checkin in, it's a rough morning. Cried again, had to try to avoid what I get to sometimes- but got to the point my jaw and body was shaking, used my some grounding skills.. I still have a day of work to go to, which I will need to just take one moment at a time.

One thing that I notice with me, and looking on line a few others too, is my asthma strangely gets worse when I stop smoking.

Found this post/blog from another that experienced similar with some info. The little filter things, cilia, in the lungs... all I can remind myself is to help them out with continuing down this path.

Breathing and asthma initially got worse after quitting - No Smoking Day | HealthUnlocked
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Old 01-31-2019, 08:15 AM   #4
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Default Re: Smoking Cessation check in

Thank you so much for making this thread, beauflow! I hope it will help someone here at PC. Please don't give up. You're doing great. Just take it one step at the time. It will get easier. Try to hang on. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. Stay safe and take care of yourself. Remember that we're here for you if you need us. We all love you here. We'll listen to what you have to say and won't judge you. Keep writing here if it helps. I'm here for you as well if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 01-31-2019, 07:58 PM   #5
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Default Re: Smoking Cessation check in

Thanks MickeyCheeky I hope others can find use in this, I do not want this to be a Beauflow check in...
------
Thank you very much for your kind words, I wasn't in a great place earlier today.. I did make it threw the day.
At the moment I really dont want a cig, I am better off without - almost a 180 from earlier.. but I'll have moments to come, for sure.. today at work wasn't horrid..no cigs, and I even stepped outside with a friend who lit up, didn't want one but wanted to go outside.

I am grateful for people at work too.. jokes are good and support... even my manager joked around that they too wanted a cig and they do not smoke , when I was whining of wanting one ((or if they do -it's been very secret- very lol..I usually find the secret smokers because I am me and a wonder-er ... it's always by chance )).

I was thinking about what I wrote earlier
Quote:
As sad as that may seem to others I will... no one in flesh, has been such a great shoulder to cry on and help me keep my temper at times, or validate such strong (negative)beliefs when I felt I needed them to.
Addiction... and distortion, In that all.. and also I fail to give myself credit with what I would do during a cig time -especially when angry or almost rage... No doubt the cigs helped with chemicals in brain, the "magic it does" (sarcastic), but the thinking, planning, breaking down a problem and talking to myself about situation. Or in some cases, keepin my mouth shut and hands busy in rage ..
Any ways. My point- I was taking a break, the walk away/remove self from situation. , the deep inhaling of smoke is similar to deep breathing grounding... the breaking down, part of rationalization and sorting out.
The chemicals I may not be able to replicate but some aspects, I can without a cig.

Also, I forgot in that moment many who have or tried to reach out- I give no credit ... very tunnel vision.. apologies
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Old 02-01-2019, 05:38 PM   #6
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Default Re: Smoking Cessation check in

Depression Related to Quitting Smoking

I have been diagnosed with disorders that depression go hand in hand with them.
I keep reminding myself that this will pass... part of this is the withdrawal, part of this is my grieving of giving up my cigarette friends.

I keep having some split thoughts with this subject.
Possible trigger:

I'll get through this..... just, feel empty and alone.. for me, I sadly know this is just what it is for me, "just change the way I think" right? ... sure
This will pass... made it to day 14 ...
Though I have issues with this "rewarding " ...
Idk, have issues with that In general sometimes- other times no problem at all... right now isn't a up so, having issues...
I want to go see a movie but I keep battling with myself on going...
----
Update
I went to a Japanese restaurant I've wanted to go to for a while now... yummy
Attached Images
File Type: jpg 20190201_172100.jpg (320.9 KB, 1 views)
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Last edited by beauflow; 02-01-2019 at 06:47 PM..
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Old 02-03-2019, 11:09 PM   #7
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Default Re: Smoking Cessation check in

Day 16 going on 17 ..
Had a few rough days, but with assistance with supportive people along with what I know to use for myself, I am still going.

Though I have to laugh for a second, and remind myself life goes on while I do this journey... with my car's check engine light on...again ... Sunday (today) I didn't deal with much, it'll be addressed or at least taken to a shop to check out what the code is.... life goes on.
---

Also today I realized that since June 2018 I had been tracking my attempts to cut back or quit smoking before this Jan 18 attempt..

It may be confusing to some- but just more realization for me on the problem and struggles
. Some what seeing if trends too..

My tracker shows that
June started strong with not buying a pack, (i recall trying to quit then).
But July and part of August- its like I bought a pack and made it last like a week and half or so and then weekly.
then started to smoke up again Sept.
In October -went back to weekly or biweekly packs.
November weekly
December started up again with more frequent buying a pack with in a week...until the holidays got closer....
I sometimes wish I was better with tracking, like daily notes, as I have issues with that in general.

None the less, I understand more on me and see some sort of tracking..

I share this, because I know when I read some suggestions with how to quit smoking and doing a journal or tracking- I wonder why? and don't fully understand why.... I see, right now I am just using the tracker for "putting on a patch" ... I probably should had done a mood tracker too (I have issues with that all though)).

This reminds me too ... back In March 2016 when i started to smoke after almost a year, i wrote down what smoking a cig was like at that time... again a strange me thing I guess.....
Just part of my "data collecting " of why does an addict do what they do? .... with me as the subject, getting lost along the way .... it's all so subtle...

I think today is a good reminder for me to read why and how, nicotine is so addictive.

Why is Nicotine Addictive
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Old 02-06-2019, 10:33 PM   #8
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Default Re: Smoking Cessation check in

Day 19, going to day 20.

I have to say that I am feeling like I may be able to do this.
While I still have a vape, I do not constantly vape as if switching to one method to another.

I am annoyed though with two stinging comments:
On day 13 a neighbor, that I do not really know, made the comment they had been 2 months not smoking a cig, they have been vaping instead.
I congratulated them and said way to go. While I was walking away, I did mention some thing like "hopefully I can make it to two months, I am almost at two weeks of not smoking a cig"... and this guy actually said- "Well I'd be more proud of you if you actually stopped smoking".

Day 18 - milestone day in the past for me- I stepped outside after a stressful call at work, and I took two puffs of the vape and was about to head back inside when a co-worker finishing their smoke had the nerve to tell me that I had not quit cigs and that in her mind the vape was the exact same thing as what she had in her hand.

While I could understand this- IF One was using the 12mg, and they were vaping like a train all the time; but for one to use it to eventually quit - while not smoking cigs, and using a low dose- I just am baffled --- I really was upset with this, so upset it bleed into even today. THis woman has seen me struggle with this addiction, and while I understand she has her own along with other evident issues- she just is so invalidating while pretending to be a friend... and it upsets me. Needless to say, I have been stayig away from her. She is unaware of the damaging and hurtful things she says and does it appears.

I keep having this thought pop in my head- the commercial that I hear does not say "Cigarettes lead to vaping for young adults" -- it's that young adults that vape, a year later they are more likely to smoke cigarettes leading the path of addiction.
IDK if I can find that commercial but here is a CDC website that has
Quote:
Young people who use e-cigarettes may be more likely to smoke cigarettes in the future.
Quick Facts on the Risks of E-cigarettes for Kids, Teens, and Young Adults

I am thankful for the few other coworkers that have been encouraging me, and reminding me to forget people like the above- that I am doing what I need to do for me.

I have been a little annoying lately, (as in loud and obnoxious and a little, not ok for everyone to be around me) but one coworker friend had been really helpful with just going with the flow with me, some times reminding me to simmer down a little.

I have had some hostile thoughts in my head the last few weeks, agitation, depressive thoughts-- etc.. Which I understand my own struggles, along with others that are cruel just touch a bit more.. but really, F- them

Things I have noticed -
I seem to breather bigger breaths
My bowls seem to be doing better, I have had a lot issues due to stress and other things with my "tum tum ".. which one issue I was told by the general doc, smoking again was not helping the issue.
I breath and smell things more (which for some things that is shame- ha).
Some days - I seem to get up earlier ((but I still struggle some days, but it will be ok)).
I think I may taste better but I am not sure on that..

At any rate, checking in- One day at a time...

Any one else that is quitting, thinking to quit, struggling to stay quit- I hope you the best as well.
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Old 02-17-2019, 07:01 PM   #9
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Default Re: Smoking Cessation check in

30 day mark of not smoking a cig, well - A week ago sunday I attempted to take a few puffs off of a cig from ex it did not help and was disgusting. Best yet, I did not start back up again and have desired a cig less after that.

I do still have the vape, I do not vape like a train though; and I do have hopes to not just switch from cigs to the vape. Meaning I hope eventually I will stop the vape.
Even in worst case if I did, the vape is cheaper. and my lungs do feel better.

As many times as I fail, right now I am just concentrating on not smoking cigs.

IDK if emotionally I am doing better but it will be ok.
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Old 02-23-2019, 11:04 AM   #10
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Default Re: Smoking Cessation check in

Day 36 going on 37 - there has been some days this week that I have forgotten to put on a patch first thing thing in the morning, as I am not wanting a cig- or am feeling chaotic enough in my head that I would go smoke... When I get to that point, I usually realize I did not put on a patch.

WIth the patch therapy, since I had slacked off on smoking from a pack a day, I am doing the Step 2 for 6 weeks, and then the step 3 2 weeks (or whatever it said, I am not at that stage yet so will re-read when I am- which will be next Friday starting week 6). ((I have had issues with skin problems and other things with step 1 so that is why I had tried to slack off on smoking cigs before step 2 patch was put on))--


I obviously above confessed some issues in this thread, to the point that my friend (ex but friend) wanted me to check in to some where.. but then again, I do have other issues besides the smoking addiction... My POINT Is that- I am still going, still trying to stay quit.

I have gained some weight, I checked in with my general doc as another issue has arose, but smoking would not have helped it.
Doc is not concerned with weight gain at this time and agrees my priorities right now are on track- stay quit, check on issue that brought me into her office recently, and work on weight to come.


At any rate, I wanted to note to any one reading, that may be thinking of quitting-- that while we are all different- but I wrote what I wrote, partially because if someone else goes through similar-- you are not alone... it is rough.

My ex/my Friend, he too smokes still, but he has been slacking off while I stay away from them.. I talked last night with him, asking him if he ever thought on why he smokes, and yes it is hard-- but I found it helped to realize why I smoked.

Also putting reasons on why to quit that are valid solid concerns to me.

At any rate-- hugs and well thoughts- I had hoped others would join this thread, but that is ok.

I wish you all the best.
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