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Old 12-31-2018, 07:31 AM   #1
123kim456
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Default how to make my self esteem better

my social anxiety has robbed me of many things since my early childhood but now that i know what it is, i can finally try to work on it. so as a first step i tried to practice some self love but it's hard to pretend that i'm smart and attractive when i am really not. i just know that i am objectively ugly but i still can't just deal with it.
i do pretty good with small interactions like saying hello and thank you to the cashier but as soon as something unexpected happens, like when they try to make smalltalk, i freeze up and take forever to think of something stupid to say.
i just don't know where to start
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Old 01-01-2019, 02:43 PM   #2
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Hello kim: I believe this is your first post here on PC. So.. welcome to Psych Central.

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. Social anxiety has been a problem for me over the years as well. I don't know as I have any particular suggestions for you for how to approach this. However here are links to 10 articles, from Psych Central's archives, 6 that offer suggestions for dealing with social anxiety plus 4 that talk about developing self-compassion & accepting / liking yourself more:

Social Anxiety Overview

6 Ways to Overcome Social Anxiety

7 Ways to Overcome Shyness and Social Anxiety

How to Be Less Self-Conscious

Social Anxiety: The Pervasive Creature in your Mind

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/nlp/2...ocial-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/cultiv...lf-compassion/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/every...cept-yourself/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-step...yourself-more/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...yourself-more/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 01-01-2019, 02:48 PM   #3
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Default Re: how to make my self esteem better

I'm sorry you're struggling with social anxiety too. I dealt with it and low self-esteem as a child.

Actually what cured me was taking anti-depressants. I am not shy at all anymore. Not saying that will necessarily work for you. It's just what worked for me.

Also, I don't know that there is a such thing as being "objectively ugly" The other day I saw something on the news about this woman from France who was voted the most beautiful woman in the world. So I looked at the picture, and I did not find her attractive at all. Her face was symmetrical, but the corners of her mouth turned down, so it looked like she was frowning all the time. Apparently almost everyone else finds her beautiful, but I do not. So I highly doubt everyone else in the world thinks you're ugly. A lot of it is probably low self-esteem.
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Old 01-12-2019, 12:55 PM   #4
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Default Re: how to make my self esteem better

ahhh thank you so much guys
idk why it's so hard for me to navigate forums so sorry for the late reply
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Old 01-14-2019, 05:18 AM   #5
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Default Re: how to make my self esteem better

Are you seeing a doctor or taking any medication?
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Old 01-14-2019, 08:09 AM   #6
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Default Re: how to make my self esteem better

I'm so sorry, 123kim456 I think the best way to improve your self-esteem would be to seek help. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn ways to accept and love yourself. I believe there are also several books on the subject. Maybe you could look for one of them? Also remember that there's no such thing as objectively ugly. You are beautiful in your own way. Please don't give up. Things can get better, you just need to work on yourself and your own self-love! You can do this! Sending many hugs to you
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Old 01-14-2019, 09:05 AM   #7
123kim456
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Default Re: how to make my self esteem better

i've talked to a handful of professionals, but there was always something that made me not want to go back to them. sometimes they seemed very judgemental or just too unfriendly. so idk if i'll find someone i'd be able to open up to. for now i'm doing it by myself.
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