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zapatoes
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Default Oct 30, 2019 at 11:31 PM
  #1
It seems it’s easier to communicate when just talking briefly to a cashier, even then I feel self conscious and wonder if what I’m talking about is “exciting” enough. Or if passing through an airport and just going to meet a fellow passenger briefly for a short flight it seems often I feel more comfortable than when I know someone well or have to see someone daily and feel as though the their judging can increase with daily contact. Just something I’ve noticed over the years.
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Default Oct 31, 2019 at 12:03 AM
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Originally Posted by zapatoes View Post
It seems it’s easier to communicate when just talking briefly to a cashier, even then I feel self conscious and wonder if what I’m talking about is “exciting” enough. Or if passing through an airport and just going to meet a fellow passenger briefly for a short flight it seems often I feel more comfortable than when I know someone well or have to see someone daily and feel as though the their judging can increase with daily contact. Just something I’ve noticed over the years.
@zapatoes

I can relate to what you've shared. I feel self-conscious for similar reasons.

I recently moved out of state and into a new apartment complex. I see my new neighbors frequently. It was easier to see them at first, but it gets harder over time because of the same reasons you mentioned. I'm self-conscious, but I do enjoy taking healthy risks, such as getting to know my neighbors better. I even went out to dinner with a neighbor, who happens to be a licensed therapist. We primarily talked about her issues, but I felt safe in the company of a professional. Still, the combo between her being both my neighbor and a mental health professional got me thinking, "Is she diagnosing me?" LOL.

My other neighbors are professionals or retired. Most of them have pets. I see them walking their dogs while I'm outside smoking, and many stop by to say hi. I've forgotten their names repeatedly, but over time, I've noticed myself feeling both safe to know them but also self-conscious. I don't shower every day, and they know it. They still accept me, but I still worry about what they think. And then I stop myself.

They have a right to their opinions about me. And I have a right to laugh at myself, hee hee. I figured, if they don't like me, so be it. At least they are honest. If they like me, great! I feel accepted as I am and where I am. I can always change and shower every day, but that will take me some time - and I'd be doing that for myself, not them.

Social anxiety gets the best of us sometimes. But we can support one another and find ways to overcome our fears, any reactions from others or ourselves, or our thoughts. It's not easy to overcome social anxiety, but it's doable (eventually).

What helps me is when I think of something funny. And when I consider if the other person is worried about the same things from me. I try to be more empathetic that way - to others and to myself.

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Default Dec 10, 2019 at 10:41 PM
  #3
I also prefer to be on the outside and don't like being part of a social group too long. I'm not sure why except that I'm used to being a loner and I feel judged by people becaise my family hated me and always told me everyone hates me. Did you have a past that conditioned you to think people will judge you?

You probably don't need to worry about boring a cashier so long as your conversation is not slowing the checkout process or preventing them from serving others. In a job like that, it's nice to have friendly customers because you occasionally get a really angry or difficult customer and a nice customers feels like a relief. Once I just said I had to hurry home because my dog had diarrhea and probably made a huge mess while I was shopping, and the cashier seem to find that pretty amusing.

In my 20s, I was always really nervous about encountering people to pay a bill or buy groceries. I used to be afraid people would get mad if I fumbled with my credit card or took too long to sign my name. I eventually realized that I was always afraid everyone would yell at me because my sister and stepfather constantly yelled at me for years. I was able to see objectively that cashiers are not likely to yell at me because most other people aren't bad people like my family were. After that, I gradually lost my fear of approaching people to pay for groceries and stuff. Maybe if you think about why you have your specific anxiety, you can diminish the power it has over you.
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Default Dec 11, 2019 at 03:08 PM
  #4
I find it easier with people I don’t know well such as customer service staff and coworkers. What I find most difficult is inviting people to events, going to events where I don’t know everyone, such as a friend’s birthday party, and going to meetup groups. I’m think of asking for prn Ativan or similar to help me summon the courage to invite someone for coffee or get out the door to the events and groups.

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Default Dec 12, 2019 at 09:35 AM
  #5
I think what you are saying makes sense. Real communication can leave us vunerable and not everyone is ready for that.

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