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Old Yesterday, 07:35 PM   #11
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Default Re: Selective Social Anxiety? Or just an irrational fear of strangers?

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro View Post
I do understand it. It always happened the same with me in relation to my coworkers and job were too way more easy for me to deal with.
I see it normal because you are good at your field and intelligent so this is the door you may find open to grab it and also improve in other social situations. But, you will have to make an effort. Its not easy.
You know, I don't know if I'm good at my field because I'm new to it still. I have the academic knowledge, but I don't have the practical experience yet. I'm also not very confident. So it comes down to if I feel good at what I do and if other people seem to agree that I'm good at what I do.

In many social situations, I feel held back that my real and core self is unacceptable to others and I have to play a character or a different version of myself. For years, I did not even have a personality. When I was finally in an environment (a school I used to work in) that gave me positive feedback for having a personality, I actually began to have a personality again (at least on a more regular basis), but that was the point that my significant other began to pull away from me. I don't know if there's a direct correlation, but I also can't rule that possibility out. And then there is the whole gender thing...I just feel like I can't truly be myself around others because who I am is not acceptable to enough people in the US yet. In a purely social environment, I'm not sure how to interact with others when I'm inferior and different. It just gets tiring pretending to be someone I'm not and I really don't feel safe to be myself (referring to personality) until people have been deemed safe. How can I take that risk sooner?
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