advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
PrettyBoy17
Member
PrettyBoy17 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: Rural USA
Posts: 52
3 yr Member
4 hugs
given
Default Jun 28, 2020 at 10:38 PM
  #1
So, this might sound strange, but I don't feel particularly anxious about being on camera, being on the radio, giving an unprepared speech for a decently sized audience, teaching or most things in an academic/professional setting. I may get some butterflies/adrenaline, but for the most part I seem to be more comfortable than average in these settings.

However, get me into a social situation and it all changes. Put me in a small house party where I don't know most of the people there and I'm terrified. It's very difficult for me to talk to strangers in social situations and I have to know a person very very well before I can relax and talk naturally and be comfortable.

Apparently, that is not the norm, as I've had people not believe that I can't make friends easily or navigate purely social situations unless it's with people I already know. I even used to have a difficult time going through drive-thrus or calling to make appointments etc. because it meant talking to strangers. When I lived in a city and there were more options for stores, I would have difficulty going to places that were very large (like Walmart) or places that weren't my usual place because I didn't know what to expect and maybe even the whole too many people (although I think large stores came from my fear of getting lost).
PrettyBoy17 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
zapatoes
Grand Magnate
 
zapatoes's Avatar
zapatoes Looking for my way
 
Member Since: Sep 2018
Location: Islandia
Posts: 4,263 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
10.9k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 28, 2020 at 11:40 PM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrettyBoy17 View Post
So, this might sound strange, but I don't feel particularly anxious about being on camera, being on the radio, giving an unprepared speech for a decently sized audience, teaching or most things in an academic/professional setting. I may get some butterflies/adrenaline, but for the most part I seem to be more comfortable than average in these settings.

However, get me into a social situation and it all changes. Put me in a small house party where I don't know most of the people there and I'm terrified. It's very difficult for me to talk to strangers in social situations and I have to know a person very very well before I can relax and talk naturally and be comfortable.

Apparently, that is not the norm, as I've had people not believe that I can't make friends easily or navigate purely social situations unless it's with people I already know. I even used to have a difficult time going through drive-thrus or calling to make appointments etc. because it meant talking to strangers. When I lived in a city and there were more options for stores, I would have difficulty going to places that were very large (like Walmart) or places that weren't my usual place because I didn't know what to expect and maybe even the whole too many people (although I think large stores came from my fear of getting lost).
Wow you are fortunate that you do not mind being on camera, I’m very uncomfortable being on camera and giving a speech. Being on the radio is slightly better since people only hear you and are not staring at you. Some symptoms you describe sound like agoraphobia, regarding difficulty going to a large store with a fear of getting lost. For me, I dislike most social situations and prefer small groups of 10 or less at a dinner party where I know most people.
zapatoes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
PrettyBoy17
Member
PrettyBoy17 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: Rural USA
Posts: 52
3 yr Member
4 hugs
given
Default Jun 29, 2020 at 08:39 PM
  #3
Well, now that I think about it, the radio interview I'm thinking of was back when I lived in the city and it was downtown at a coffee shop with a live audience...so not the typical radio show/interview. I might get anxious about not being able to recall basic information (and as a result, look stupid), but if I have notes for myself, I'm fine.

It could be agoraphobia. I don't know much about it. I always associated it with being anxious to leave home. I guess unless I have a reason to go somewhere or even outside, I just stay inside. I guess I'm anxious going to events (even if I may be fine once I get there) because what if I went to the wrong place, or have the wrong time, or the wrong day etc. I guess changes in my routine or going to unfamiliar places can make me anxious. I would be anxious driving an unfamiliar route if it weren't for the gps on my phone.

None of this impacts me as much as being able to make and develop friendships/relationships due to being too anxious to talk to "strangers" or even less familiar people that I have met before. I'm kind of worried about this since I just moved somewhere where I don't know anyone.
PrettyBoy17 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
zapatoes
Grand Magnate
 
zapatoes's Avatar
zapatoes Looking for my way
 
Member Since: Sep 2018
Location: Islandia
Posts: 4,263 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
10.9k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 30, 2020 at 12:53 AM
  #4
Yes can relate about being anxious meeting new people and I always get anxiety meeting new people. Being new at a job or school is tough. It always help to make one friend when your new or if everyone is new at first it’s better too.
zapatoes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
AzulOscuro
Grand Magnate
 
AzulOscuro's Avatar
AzulOscuro has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,822
8 yr Member
1,748 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 01, 2020 at 03:38 PM
  #5
I have a question.
In these occasions you mention you deal pretty well because it’s in the academic field, do you prepare yourself very consciously before hand?

__________________
Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
AzulOscuro is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Bill3
PrettyBoy17
Member
PrettyBoy17 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: Rural USA
Posts: 52
3 yr Member
4 hugs
given
Default Jul 03, 2020 at 12:50 AM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by AzulOscuro View Post
I have a question.
In these occasions you mention you deal pretty well because it’s in the academic field, do you prepare yourself very consciously before hand?
Sometimes I do, but I don’t think I always do. I think it’s because it gives me something to relate to when it comes to other people. Working together always seemed like the best “common” ground. And in the case of speeches, I guess I’m considered an “expert” enough that it gives me confidence or something?
PrettyBoy17 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Bill3
Bill3
Legendary
Bill3 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,923
15 yr Member
24.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 03, 2020 at 09:21 AM
  #7
I think people should believe you when you tell them what you are feeling.

Have you considered therapy to help with the parts that are difficult for you?
Bill3 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
PrettyBoy17
Member
PrettyBoy17 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: Rural USA
Posts: 52
3 yr Member
4 hugs
given
Default Jul 04, 2020 at 02:13 PM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3 View Post
I think people should believe you when you tell them what you are feeling.

Have you considered therapy to help with the parts that are difficult for you?
I think so too, but most people need concrete proof for you to prove how you feel or who you are. I mean, most people aren’t going to believe I know my own attraction/sexuality because I haven’t had a relationship or sex with the right people to prove it. I’m obviously not doing enough to prove my gender, even though doing so could put me at risk. If I feel awful about the way I’m being treated by someone, most people don’t believe me and blame me...unless they see it first hand. I guess I’m just untrustworthy among other things.

I’d like to go back to therapy, but due to COVID and having to move to the place where I’ll work in the Fall, I won’t have a paycheck until September, so it may be best to just wait until then.
PrettyBoy17 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Bill3
Bill3
Legendary
Bill3 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,923
15 yr Member
24.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 04, 2020 at 02:41 PM
  #9
I don't think you are untrustworthy.

I think the others are invalidating.
Bill3 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
PrettyBoy17
AzulOscuro
Grand Magnate
 
AzulOscuro's Avatar
AzulOscuro has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,822
8 yr Member
1,748 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 04, 2020 at 02:59 PM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrettyBoy17 View Post
Sometimes I do, but I don’t think I always do. I think it’s because it gives me something to relate to when it comes to other people. Working together always seemed like the best “common” ground. And in the case of speeches, I guess I’m considered an “expert” enough that it gives me confidence or something?
I do understand it. It always happened the same with me in relation to my coworkers and job were too way more easy for me to deal with.
I see it normal because you are good at your field and intelligent so this is the door you may find open to grab it and also improve in other social situations. But, you will have to make an effort. It’s not easy.

__________________
Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
AzulOscuro is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
PrettyBoy17
Member
PrettyBoy17 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: Rural USA
Posts: 52
3 yr Member
4 hugs
given
Default Jul 05, 2020 at 07:35 PM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by AzulOscuro View Post
I do understand it. It always happened the same with me in relation to my coworkers and job were too way more easy for me to deal with.
I see it normal because you are good at your field and intelligent so this is the door you may find open to grab it and also improve in other social situations. But, you will have to make an effort. It’s not easy.
You know, I don't know if I'm good at my field because I'm new to it still. I have the academic knowledge, but I don't have the practical experience yet. I'm also not very confident. So it comes down to if I feel good at what I do and if other people seem to agree that I'm good at what I do.

In many social situations, I feel held back that my real and core self is unacceptable to others and I have to play a character or a different version of myself. For years, I did not even have a personality. When I was finally in an environment (a school I used to work in) that gave me positive feedback for having a personality, I actually began to have a personality again (at least on a more regular basis), but that was the point that my significant other began to pull away from me. I don't know if there's a direct correlation, but I also can't rule that possibility out. And then there is the whole gender thing...I just feel like I can't truly be myself around others because who I am is not acceptable to enough people in the US yet. In a purely social environment, I'm not sure how to interact with others when I'm inferior and different. It just gets tiring pretending to be someone I'm not and I really don't feel safe to be myself (referring to personality) until people have been deemed safe. How can I take that risk sooner?
PrettyBoy17 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
AzulOscuro
AzulOscuro
Grand Magnate
 
AzulOscuro's Avatar
AzulOscuro has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,822
8 yr Member
1,748 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 06, 2020 at 06:19 PM
  #12
Wished I had the power to send your unconfident to the rubbish so you weren’t afraid of being you. And display your personality. This is the right and the most pleasant thing to do by any of us. A first need.

I have been also going through life in most of the cases, wearing masks to hide my true self, which I considered inadequacy, different, embarrassing.
I encourage you to go on therapy. In regards to it, you felt it was helping you, somehow?

P.S.: Don’t feel forced to do anything. Only when you see yourself ready. It’s only my personal view, I don’t want you to take a risk that can mean you giving a backwards.

__________________
Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
AzulOscuro is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
PrettyBoy17
Member
PrettyBoy17 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2020
Location: Rural USA
Posts: 52
3 yr Member
4 hugs
given
Default Jul 07, 2020 at 02:09 PM
  #13
Quote:
Originally Posted by AzulOscuro View Post
Wished I had the power to send your unconfident to the rubbish so you weren’t afraid of being you. And display your personality. This is the right and the most pleasant thing to do by any of us. A first need.

I have been also going through life in most of the cases, wearing masks to hide my true self, which I considered inadequacy, different, embarrassing.
I encourage you to go on therapy. In regards to it, you felt it was helping you, somehow?

P.S.: Don’t feel forced to do anything. Only when you see yourself ready. It’s only my personal view, I don’t want you to take a risk that can mean you giving a backwards.
I think I spent too long in an academic environment (as in a university). Those places are toxic and cold. Going back to a high school environment, it was finally accepted to be energetic, to really have a sense of humor, to be unique, to even like your own thing and not what everyone else liked.

I do still live in a country where it can be dangerous to be anything outside of what is expected when it comes to gender. I can be refused medical care...I could potentially be assaulted or killed unless I hide enough to be “acceptable”. My job may be safe now because of recent Supreme Court rulings, but I’m not sure. It feels entirely like me against the world. I don’t have immediate allies in real life to help defend me if necessary and I don’t have the emotional strength to fight against everyone wherever I go about who I am. And people telling me I’m wrong about myself confuse me so then I wonder if I’m wrong about who I am. But it doesn’t seem safe to ever try to figure it out.
PrettyBoy17 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
AzulOscuro
Grand Magnate
 
AzulOscuro's Avatar
AzulOscuro has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,822
8 yr Member
1,748 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 11, 2020 at 11:12 AM
  #14
I’m sorry you have to live in a place where still there are so many prejudices and troubles to accept people are different.
Friend, don’t take any risk that can compromise your safety, ok?. Unluckily, this world is full of misunderstanding and blindness because many times all the evil is produced by unacknowledged, people are afraid to open their minds and this is the prison for others but also a prison for themselves. Poor them.

__________________
Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
AzulOscuro is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:47 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.