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Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Rural USA
Posts: 52
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#1
So, this might sound strange, but I don't feel particularly anxious about being on camera, being on the radio, giving an unprepared speech for a decently sized audience, teaching or most things in an academic/professional setting. I may get some butterflies/adrenaline, but for the most part I seem to be more comfortable than average in these settings.
However, get me into a social situation and it all changes. Put me in a small house party where I don't know most of the people there and I'm terrified. It's very difficult for me to talk to strangers in social situations and I have to know a person very very well before I can relax and talk naturally and be comfortable. Apparently, that is not the norm, as I've had people not believe that I can't make friends easily or navigate purely social situations unless it's with people I already know. I even used to have a difficult time going through drive-thrus or calling to make appointments etc. because it meant talking to strangers. When I lived in a city and there were more options for stores, I would have difficulty going to places that were very large (like Walmart) or places that weren't my usual place because I didn't know what to expect and maybe even the whole too many people (although I think large stores came from my fear of getting lost). |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Sep 2018
Location: Islandia
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#2
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Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Rural USA
Posts: 52
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#3
Well, now that I think about it, the radio interview I'm thinking of was back when I lived in the city and it was downtown at a coffee shop with a live audience...so not the typical radio show/interview. I might get anxious about not being able to recall basic information (and as a result, look stupid), but if I have notes for myself, I'm fine.
It could be agoraphobia. I don't know much about it. I always associated it with being anxious to leave home. I guess unless I have a reason to go somewhere or even outside, I just stay inside. I guess I'm anxious going to events (even if I may be fine once I get there) because what if I went to the wrong place, or have the wrong time, or the wrong day etc. I guess changes in my routine or going to unfamiliar places can make me anxious. I would be anxious driving an unfamiliar route if it weren't for the gps on my phone. None of this impacts me as much as being able to make and develop friendships/relationships due to being too anxious to talk to "strangers" or even less familiar people that I have met before. I'm kind of worried about this since I just moved somewhere where I don't know anyone. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Sep 2018
Location: Islandia
Posts: 4,263
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#4
Yes can relate about being anxious meeting new people and I always get anxiety meeting new people. Being new at a job or school is tough. It always help to make one friend when your new or if everyone is new at first it’s better too.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
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#5
I have a question.
In these occasions you mention you deal pretty well because it’s in the academic field, do you prepare yourself very consciously before hand? __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Bill3
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Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Rural USA
Posts: 52
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#6
Sometimes I do, but I don’t think I always do. I think it’s because it gives me something to relate to when it comes to other people. Working together always seemed like the best “common” ground. And in the case of speeches, I guess I’m considered an “expert” enough that it gives me confidence or something?
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Bill3
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: USA
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#7
I think people should believe you when you tell them what you are feeling.
Have you considered therapy to help with the parts that are difficult for you? |
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Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Rural USA
Posts: 52
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#8
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I’d like to go back to therapy, but due to COVID and having to move to the place where I’ll work in the Fall, I won’t have a paycheck until September, so it may be best to just wait until then. |
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Bill3
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: USA
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#9
I don't think you are untrustworthy.
I think the others are invalidating. |
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PrettyBoy17
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
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#10
Quote:
I see it normal because you are good at your field and intelligent so this is the door you may find open to grab it and also improve in other social situations. But, you will have to make an effort. It’s not easy. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Rural USA
Posts: 52
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#11
Quote:
In many social situations, I feel held back that my real and core self is unacceptable to others and I have to play a character or a different version of myself. For years, I did not even have a personality. When I was finally in an environment (a school I used to work in) that gave me positive feedback for having a personality, I actually began to have a personality again (at least on a more regular basis), but that was the point that my significant other began to pull away from me. I don't know if there's a direct correlation, but I also can't rule that possibility out. And then there is the whole gender thing...I just feel like I can't truly be myself around others because who I am is not acceptable to enough people in the US yet. In a purely social environment, I'm not sure how to interact with others when I'm inferior and different. It just gets tiring pretending to be someone I'm not and I really don't feel safe to be myself (referring to personality) until people have been deemed safe. How can I take that risk sooner? |
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AzulOscuro
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
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#12
Wished I had the power to send your unconfident to the rubbish so you weren’t afraid of being you. And display your personality. This is the right and the most pleasant thing to do by any of us. A first need.
I have been also going through life in most of the cases, wearing masks to hide my true self, which I considered inadequacy, different, embarrassing. I encourage you to go on therapy. In regards to it, you felt it was helping you, somehow? P.S.: Don’t feel forced to do anything. Only when you see yourself ready. It’s only my personal view, I don’t want you to take a risk that can mean you giving a backwards. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Rural USA
Posts: 52
3 4 hugs
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#13
Quote:
I do still live in a country where it can be dangerous to be anything outside of what is expected when it comes to gender. I can be refused medical care...I could potentially be assaulted or killed unless I hide enough to be “acceptable”. My job may be safe now because of recent Supreme Court rulings, but I’m not sure. It feels entirely like me against the world. I don’t have immediate allies in real life to help defend me if necessary and I don’t have the emotional strength to fight against everyone wherever I go about who I am. And people telling me I’m wrong about myself confuse me so then I wonder if I’m wrong about who I am. But it doesn’t seem safe to ever try to figure it out. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
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#14
I’m sorry you have to live in a place where still there are so many prejudices and troubles to accept people are different.
Friend, don’t take any risk that can compromise your safety, ok?. Unluckily, this world is full of misunderstanding and blindness because many times all the evil is produced by unacknowledged, people are afraid to open their minds and this is the prison for others but also a prison for themselves. Poor them. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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