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Old 07-10-2017, 05:19 AM #1
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Default Not Happy With Myself

Hi, I have low self-esteem and it seems to be hurting me a lot and ruining my relationships with the people I want to keep in my life. I tend to worry about how other people view me and would try to act a certain way to have them like me. But it makes me guilty knowing or fearing that I can't show them who I truly am and that they might leave me and become even more distant. Maybe it is just in my head but that's the problem. Since the beginning of pre-school, I had to act a certain way towards certain people to make myself think that they would like me. This kind of lifestyle had gotten me to confuse myself as to whether I am being true to myself or just not.

The other problem I feel that my low self-esteem is ruining is building relationships to the next level(friendship and partner). Whenever someone doesn't reply to me or seems distant. I tend to act rationally, even when I know I shouldn't but I don't like the feeling in my chest and want to resolve it quickly. This causes me to ruin my relationships and having to start it back to square one. This makes me feel like I'm desperate, not likable enough. Even draws my mind into thinking that if I were prettier or skinnier I would be happier and people would generally want to talk to me. Instead of me always having to initiate the conversation.

I recently just told someone I like them. He didn't know how to respond which leaves me feeling guilty that I am putting him in a spot that did not need to occur. But at the same time, I can move one if he rejects me. Which makes me fall into a stage of where I know that I'm not liked and probably won't find someone because each time I confess I get rejected or somehow ruin it. Makes me feel that from the years I've been living, what have I done wrong?, what have I not been doing right? this also causes me to feel empty, mad, and just generally negative. People don't like to hang out with negative people I get told that or asked why I have to be negative. But I can't help it if that's how I feel. Which brings me back to me feeling that people would not like me for who I am. I am not a happy person or at least not anymore. Each time I say something of how I feel, people get drawn back and distant and leaving me to feel that "I just ruined it".

Sorry if this makes no sense as I don't know how to explain this. But I just don't know what I should do with myself. I seem to be the one that is making my own life difficult and miserable.
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Old 07-10-2017, 06:49 AM #2
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I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I don't have any advice. I struggle with self-esteem as well. I just wanted to lend my support and let you know you're not alone. Best wishes.
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Old 07-10-2017, 05:05 PM #3
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Thanks you for the support. I just got rejected technically so now I don't want to feel love and rather fear it.
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Old 07-10-2017, 07:46 PM #4
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Default Re: Not Happy With Myself

That's very understandable, and it just proves you are humanNot Happy With Myself.

I'm not great with rejection either. It's a tough pill to swallow Not Happy With Myselfand afterwards, i always want to hole up inside my house and protect myself from the world. It's like I want to stop loving anyone and everyone because of the hurt.

Have you tried looking into things like "fear of abandonment"? Often this is at the root of attachment issues/ self esteem issues in relationships. I've researched those areas extensively because I kept pushing people away with being too attached to them, and it gave me a lot of relief to know that it is a learned behaviour and therefore can be unlearned. It has nothing to do with your worth as a human being. It really has nothing to do with who you really ARE. It's just a coping mechanism that was learned and now is in need of being unlearned.
If any of this is striking a cord with you, I would suggest looking up "ways to overcome fear of abandonment" or "ways to overcome attachment issues". eaceandlove:
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Old 07-11-2017, 02:02 PM #5
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Very important to become aware that when you think about and perceive yourself in a negative light - you will unconsciously psychologically project your own thoughts about yourself into the minds of others... In other words you will quite easily imagine (and believe) that others will think about and perceive you in the same negative light that you think about and perceive yourself. Why does this happen? Because you become so consciously identified with your self-generated 'self image' that it becomes your identity (your sense of self, who you think/believe you really are). This process unfolding can kind of create a negative feedback loop in the sense that you continue imagining that others perceive you in the same light that view yourself - and this will have the effect of affirming your self-defeating and disempowering thoughts/beliefs about yourself. Basically, there is a lot of distortions and illusions at work here. Being aware and mindful that this is going on is a major step towards eventually freeing yourself. You have to break this cycle and gradually integrate a state of awareness where you begin to detach yourself from these habitual self-defeating and overly critical thought-forms and then begin to arrive at the realization that you have a nature (an identity, a sense of self) which transcends and extends beyond the former/preexisting 'identity' (sense of self) that you previously could not find acceptance for. In other words, you discover you possess a transcendental nature that supersedes the limited and temporary 'human identity' which you are currently experiencing and which often serves as a source of much hurting & affliction. As your thoughts about yourself begin to transform, and as you increasingly let go of and part ways with your former overly critical & self-defeating thoughts about yourself - you discover that these internal developments will have the effect of simultaneously transform how you imagine others are perceiving and thinking about you. You will react & respond much differently to the same types of situations and external circumstances which previously elicited challenging emotional states within you. Why does this happen? Because you will no longer be projecting those old self-defeating thoughts about yourself into the minds of those whom you cross paths with and interact with. The solution to how you liberate yourself from your current undesirable state of being really does lie within you (internal, inward), and not with trying to influence and exercise some degree of control over the behaviors and reactions of others (external, outward).

Some of the 'feedback' you have alluded to that you have received from others - you can simply choose to perceive those experiences as small reminders that there is still something unresolved within you that you need to address and give attention to (via inner work). There are elements which still need to be fully processed and healed (released)... Anything critical anyone has ever said about you - it's important to remember that this is still not your identity... It's just what you were experiencing at that given time. What you are experiencing at this time in your life is perfectly natural and there is nothing 'wrong' with it. You are hurting and struggling to some degree, yes - however it's the process of going through this experience that eventually steers (pushes) you in a new direction which enables you to discover some truly profound and beautiful realizations about the higher nature of your own being. Once you get to that destination - you surprisingly realize that all of your former hurting & struggling served a higher purpose (and this creates a feeling of acceptance) - because it served to bring you to the newfound and much more expansive state of being where you find yourself (at that time)...

Do you ever read self-help books pertaining to the subject matters that you find yourself struggling with? If not, I highly recommend you thoroughly pursue this course of action. Now, you may find that you will need to go through 9 books which do not speak to you on a deeper level and which you cannot really get into & connect with. But when that very special 10th book comes along and suddenly you find yourself connecting with and being deeply moved/influenced by the content of said book - well the effect can be absolutely invaluable and life-changing! Sometimes you have to dig through lots of dirt before you find that nugget of gold. Sometimes you have to go through the experience of identifying with that which you are not - before you can discover and realize that which you truly are... Keep on going! You are right where you need to be at this very moment in your life. There is a much larger process that's in the works here - and in time you will come to realize this.
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Last edited by wolfgaze; 07-11-2017 at 03:30 PM.
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Old 04-16-2019, 08:45 PM #6
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Old 04-17-2019, 01:33 PM #7
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Old 04-27-2019, 06:45 AM #8
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Default Re: Not Happy With Myself

Wow, you made me feel like I was reading a post made by my past self since that's exactly how I used to be. Sounds like you have a bad case of self-abandonment. Do you tend to be a people pleaser? Always putting others needs before your own? How was your childhood like? If you're willing to share some details that is, you don't have to.

Usually, if you grew up in an environment where you had to please some parental figure in order to get love, you end up learning to abandon yourself, and you grow up to be fearful of losing others' love, and approval. I actually posted an article on my blog that gives some tips on overcoming this faulty behavioral pattern. I pretty much wrote it to help others going through the same thing I had gone through. Hope it helps a bit.

The Authentic You: Self-Abandonment And Self-Validation
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Want some tips on overcoming low-self esteem, Childhood Emotional Neglect or improving yourself? Check my blog!

https://authenticyou93.blogspot.com/
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