Just making excuses, or not?

So I'm trying to put together a cat litter box container disguised as an end table. This one, specifically. Reviews are telling me the pre-drilled holes for the dowel pins are too big. The pins slip right out. I fixed that by using silicone to fill in the gaps. But I've been struggling for days. First I had to have my husband show me how the lock screws worked. Well, I'm having trouble getting them into the holes and turned. I can't see the interior very well, and that's where the lock screws go. AND the door keeps popping out. I think the pivot hinges are too short, or those pre-drilled holes are too big too.

People can tell me it's not my fault, it's a shabbily made product, and even Bob Vila couldn't put it together sturdily without tricking it out somehow. But all I can think is, if I said that myself, somebody would tell me I'm making excuses. I'm just a worthless old coot who can't do anything right.

Looks like I'm going to have to have my husband finish up for me. HE doesn't say those things about me, but people before him did.

My first husband, for sure. If I had to have him help me with something, anything, you can bet your life savings he'd say something about how women are helpless without a man around. He even said that once when I needed his help stepping down off a stone half-wall that his longer legs could step down off of with ease. My now-ex had a friend with him. We were all walking somewhere togther, and we came across that half-wall barrier. The two men walked right over it, but I'm shorter, and I needed help. He looked back and saw me standing on the half-wall, unable to step down without falling, and he said to his friend with a laugh, "Hold on. I've got to go help the helpless woman."

Every negative thought I have about myself, somebody else has said to me before. Now those putdowns exist as echoes in my head.

And every one of them is attacking me right now.

UPDATE: It turns out I was able to put it together by myself. All I asked my husband to do was check it to make sure it was right. He gave it a once-over and told me I did fine. I'm guessing that if I hadn't used the silicone as a backup, it wouldn't hold together very well, but that's the materials, not me. Online reviews are confirming that. And so is my husband.

I have this thing where I demand of myself that I must do everything perfectly, on the first attempt. On a good day I might allow myself a few mistakes, but I get frustrated with myself very easily. And if something can't be done, in my head, it's never about the fact that *it* can't be done. It's that *I* can't do it.

Other people in the past have held me to those same standards. This didn't come out of nowhere.