Comparing myself to everyone

I've been starting to realize that my biggest problem is that I constantly compare myself to, well, basicely everyone.

Around me people seem all to be more succesfull. But also strangers I'm constantly focussing on achievements they already have and I don't. It makes me feel very bad and insecure about myself, but I can't stop it. It's constantly in my head. Like I have to compare all the time. It's like I'm always looking for someone who is not better than me, but it's difficult to find.

I'm looking for ways to stop this behaviour. I already know that you should not compare yourself to others, especially at my age because everyone lives their lifes differently. But it's like I want my life to be perfect and through other people I always realize my life has many flaws.

It's become an obession. How can I stop this? Any advise? Does this make me a bad person?

You said in another post that you are an MD in europe. The education & training you went through is far beyond what most others do. It us tiugh to compair to others of your status especially when they are specialists in tjeir own areas & their lives reflect the speciality they are involved it. I am sure some have successful relationships & othets not depending on how much of life they have dedicated to their career.

Compairing is one thing. It can keep us up to date in our careers. Compairing with ENVY is a whole other ball game & never has a good ending.

I think a conscious effort to think on what yiu do & what you have & BE THANKFUL is one good way if countering those thoughts.

I think for me envy is starting to become a problem. It's not always that bad, but lately it is. Doubt about carreer choices might be part of it. Regret of decisions in the past. Frustrations about my mental health (in the past).

That sounds indeed more productive than my way of thinking. It's weird that it's such a difficult thing to do. Or at least for me. For me it's never good enough I guess.

It's not easy & it does take focus especially if surrounded by things that make you think negatively.

What helped me was that I left the marriage & the environment & moved somewhere totally new onto a farm I bought in the country. For me, being surrounded by nature brings out the happiness in me anyway. That move opened a door for me to see life in a positive way....even when bad things have happened. I am in a nasty divorce right now but focusing on my positive point if view is getting me through this well even though it is an across the country battle & I feel a peace in spite of it all rather than allowing my anger & regret of ever meeting him whuch would just create bitterness.

I changed most of my life four years ago when I was depressed. It helped a lot and many things have gone better since then. But now I'm not in the position to change so much.

I'm sick and tired of my own behavior. I find it so difficult to change and just be grateful and happy.

I have great respect for how you changed your life.

I had 2 years of intense DBT group therapy after I moved. I was dealing with PTSD, anorexia, major depression & anxiety at the time I moved....it all improved after the move but learning new skills & reprogramming my neural pathways that jyst weren't working for me any longer. Looking back they weren't working well for me even during my computer engineering career & totally broke when I had a breakdown 13 years before I could get out of the marriage. Changing those neural pathways changes behavior though honestly I don't think they could have been changed if I had stayed living in that environment & I doubt I would even be alive now if I had stayed.....so the change has really been a miracle in my life.

Sorry you are going through this. No, it doesn't make you a bad person. I think all of us have a tendency to compare ourselves to others but when it becomes to an obsession, it may be good to reach out to a therapist. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy without realizing God make us all different for a reason. There is only one you and no one else can be you but you. Well wishes, take care!

After summer I'm going to start looking for a therapist. I think it's needed and I'm ready to invest time and money in that.

It's too tiring as an obsession. I can't continue living like this. I'm very much influenced by the way other people think about me.

I'm not a very religious person anymore. I never got God's intentions. I hope God has the best intentions for all of us.

Helmus just wanted to say I totally identify with what you've written. I'm also a doctor and terrible at constantly comparing myself. Someone else is always cleverer, a better doctor, more beautiful, slimmer, better dressed etc. I'm working on all of this in therapy though but it's hard work.

Thank you for the reply. I think what I find difficult is that I always feel that I can't compare in succes with my other colleagues, who seem to be more succesfull and better in the things they're doing. It's not jealousy, it's just that I don't feel good enough.

I'm exactly the same to be honest. People I trained with are all consultants and I'm only about to start my first year of speciality training. But then I try to think I might have done other things (like had kids) and I might be more empathetic. And in ten years time nobody will care who got where first.

This amazingly is one of the very few thoughts that keep me sane. In ten years time so many things won't matter anymore (hopefully). I'll have to work hard for this, but even if things don't go perfectly in ten years I will have achieved most of the things that I want right now and all the psychiatric history of mine won't matter anymore.

But sadly, I also think a lot in the other direction. Thinking: I wish I could go back 10 years and change this or that. I guess I'm a bit perfectionist. I want to be the best and I'm frustrated to accept that I'm not and never will be. And being surrounded by succesfull doctors all day is then not the best environment.

I think I should really go in therapy. I've been looking around and there are therapists in my native language in my area. The waiting lists are very long and the price is expensive (not reimbursed here by insurance). But I'm not in an acute psychiatric crisis, so I can wait and just write my acute frustrations somewhere on this forum.

I go privately and am desperately hoping it'll help. If you want a supportive and non competitive speciality where being successful doesn't seem to be a thing you should choose my speciality.. ironically I'm a pdoc 😂��😂

Irronically I showed my american eskimo dogs with a family where the husband wasva pdoc on disability because he coukdn't handle the stress here in the US. I never pushed to know more tgan he was willing to share because at the time I was in & out of mental hospitals with depression. No one is immune to having mental health issues.

This is very fascinating! I do like the psychiatrists working in my hospital. They are very friendly people and good to work with. Also respectful to their patients. I also know a pdoc who changed speciality because of burnout. As eskielover already said, no one is immune to mental health issues.

Luckily I didn't choose surgery or internal medicine. The competition there is horrible. I don't see any happy people there.

If we compare ourselves to anyone else....we are wasting our valuable time...and life...the only person I am in "competition" with is myself...meaning, I strive to be my best self. I used my life story (of overcoming and thriving) and won a scholarship; started school at age 60 and am a Sophomore at 71! I am a dancer, singer, author, poet, and Vietnam era veteran.

Awesome nicoleflynn.

I fought to get my accounting/computer science degree by age 28 after getting my AA in music...now at 65, when I am totally done with my divorce, I am planning on going back to get my masters in a whole different area of study. We are never too old to learn & grow.....it is totally personal achievements.

I know a lady who finished her degree last year at age 81....our personal goals & achievements don't need to be compared to anyone.

When I was a computer engineer my performance needed to meet standards of accomplishing the design I was given but was allowed to accomplish it in the best way that worked for me as long as the end result worked. The plane testing the data link didn't crash into the ocean.....that was success.

My racquettball games with the guys I worked with every day at lunch.....my goal was to give them good competition so they wanted to play with a girl, not to compare myself. Striving to do my best gained me better ability & I was playing A players. I still didn't compare myself to them because it was all about doing my personal best to give them good competition.

I am in same situation too. I compare myself to other people and it makes me angry about myself. I have to force myself to do better in life and in get better job.

I bounce around jobs so many times that I feel depressed

Big mistake, you should never do that.

I know very well it's a mistake. Rationally it makes no sense. But in my head it's difficult to stop these thoughts.

Is it low self confidence? Low self esteem? Fear of being judged or rejected by others?

For me it has become a problem big enough that it affects my life and I'm seeking help for it.