I've unnecessarily embarrassed myself so many times that I curse myself in my own mind every now and then. I'd like to learn to respect myself, but I don't know how. I don't feel anything is worth doing anymore.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

I've unnecessarily embarrassed myself so many times that I curse myself in my own mind every now and then. I'd like to learn to respect myself, but I don't know how. I don't feel anything is worth doing anymore.

Yeah like said my own self worth took a beating from being ghosted and discarded. Can you examine why your self worth is so low?

You deserve respect, Chemist

Originally Posted by leomama

Yeah like said my own self worth took a beating from being ghosted and discarded. Can you examine why your self worth is so low?

It's because of my mental health. I always made mistakes interacting with other people. I act stupid, to put it simply. Without the intent of it, of course. It goes back to my childhood.

Originally Posted by whispershadow

You deserve respect, Chemist

Thanks Whisper.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

It's because of my mental health. I always made mistakes interacting with other people. I act stupid, to put it simply. Without the intent of it, of course. It goes back to my childhood.

Ok but how is beating yourself up going to help? I lost my primary relationship and it would be really easy for me to blame myself but how is that going to help me? You see what I am saying?

Originally Posted by leomama

Ok but how is beating yourself up going to help? I lost my primary relationship and it would be really easy for me to blame myself but how is that going to help me? You see what I am saying?

I don't know I just feel this dread in my body whenever I am reminded how much of a failure I am. My psychiatrist and internist and the other doctor I used to visit as well as my opthalmologist all said I am clear cut for socializing/driving/hanging out with friends/meeting new people/and even getting a doctorate but the problem is my parents are mentally ill and they're just impossible to deal with. They did and still do restrict my social interactions.

Ever since I graduated high school equivalent here, my symptoms have become more obvious.

[leomama]

I don’t know what your dx is but that sounds like the self blame of ptsd. You said your parents are mentally ill, which could def cause trauma. Speaking for myself, my self blame def comes from my mother, so naturally when something goes wrong, I feel responsible.

I am so lost and confused...

[leomama]

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

I am so lost and confused...

Did you lose something important to you? What is creating the feelings of loss and confusion?

Originally Posted by leomama

Did you lose something important to you? What is creating the feelings of loss and confusion?

I don't have a girlfriend or many friends, while most of my classmates have both. That creates a feeling of jealousy and inferiority and depression and confusion in me. I'd have elaborated but it's not private here.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

I don't have a girlfriend or many friends, while most of my classmates have both. That creates a feeling of jealousy and inferiority and depression and confusion in me. I'd have elaborated but it's not private here.

Ah I totally get it. It sounds like it’s time to work on acceptance. I understand your frustration. Making friends and establishing intimacies is hard. Do you make much of an effort to connect to the people around you?

Originally Posted by leomama

Ah I totally get it. It sounds like it’s time to work on acceptance. I understand your frustration. Making friends and establishing intimacies is hard. Do you make much of an effort to connect to the people around you?

Due to my disabilities it's hard to keep the conversation going from awkward. I am also numb most of the times and I fake feelings just to avoid becoming more numb. The emotions I mentioned before aren't as severe as they could have been.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

Due to my disabilities it's hard to keep the conversation going from awkward. I am also numb most of the times and I fake feelings just to avoid becoming more numb. The emotions I mentioned before aren't as severe as they could have been.

Have you talked to your psych bout this?

He doesn't have much time to listen to his patients. There are very few psychiatrists in our local region and I am going with his treatment plan - Talk minimal with him in the consulting room, and take the meds. I cannot elaborate this either, but he doesn't have much time to put it simply.