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Old 01-12-2019, 05:18 AM #11
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Default Re: can you stand up for yourself?

Well they acted upon it. Thank goodness because I thought I was going to crack up if the situation continued. Yeah, it crossed the breaking point. My actions could have been a lot worse. I just wish I had been able to speak up earlier. My actions though resulted in some improvements in the entire department at work for which, while expressing concern of my stressed out behaviour, my coworkers are also expressing thanks. It took a melt down unfortunately to draw attention to how wrong things were. It shouldn't have had to happen. But regardless of how it came about, I caused positive change. Work is a little easier to go into now.

But a lesson learned - don't let it get to the breaking point in the first place. I just hope I can manage this in the future. Learn to speak up before the situation gets out of hand.
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Old 01-16-2019, 11:58 AM #12
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Usually I can and do stick up for myself.I learnt to do so a few years back.I used to always be silent and withdrawn no matter what anyone said or did which made me a target for bullies and aggressive types.I just got so fed up of being trodden on and walked all over ,one day I decided to do something about my fear of speaking up for myself.I returned some shoes that caused me blisters to the shoe shop and assertively asked for my money back,the manager refused,so I had a full blown argument with her in public and I was shouting at the top of my voice and drawing attention to myself.I still didn't get my money back but I got my confidence and self esteem back.After that I was no longer afraid of people and I learnt to be assertive ,I learnt my needs matter too and my voice needs to be heard equally with other's voices.

So ever since then I have been good at at sticking up for myself,so I was surprised when I got bullied at art class yesterday.They caught me off guard and I wasn't fully present and aware in my body and mind.I didn't register at first that I was being verbally abused and when I did realise,I froze and kept quiet,I remained silent,though I was calm and ignored what they said.I walked out at the end of the session as if it had never happened.I have been beating myself up for that.But now I am resolved if it happens again to confront it.I hate when the bullies get away with it but I hate more that I allowed them to affect my self esteem.So I am resolving from now on to speak up and stop them drowning out my voice.
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Old 04-16-2019, 11:10 PM #13
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Old 06-11-2019, 04:12 PM #14
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Default Re: can you stand up for yourself?

Yes, I definitely have trouble setting boundaries. Recently I accepted a job which was way too much for me to take on at one time and I just ended up quitting it. So, I wish I would have thought more before accepting it. But whatever. I guess I learned now.
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Old 06-12-2019, 09:54 PM #15
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Default Re: can you stand up for yourself?

Yes, Wishful Thinker, I relate to this so much. Particularly the hair salon. I would be the same way.

Hairdresser: *gives awful haircut*
Me: "Thank you, it looks great!"

Lol

I actually saw a meme of this exact same thing. I think other people struggle with the hair salon too. There used to be a humor page called "awkward conversations with the hairdresser."

But I'm very sorry you had that experience. Being drenched in a cold shower should not be part of a hair salon experience! And our hair is important. It does matter to us.

Yes I can relate to not wanting to "rock the boat." And for me it comes from my past and ppl close to me like mt mother as well.

I don't think you should be so hard on yourself, Wishful Thinker. A lot of people struggle with confrontation. If it really bothers you a lot though, consider taking steps to be more assertive in your communications. The Assertiveness Workbook is a good book (don't know who the author is) if you're looking to learn through a book.

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Old 06-12-2019, 09:57 PM #16
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Default Re: can you stand up for yourself?

Oh my, I just saw this thread is from January! My bad! Wherever you are on your assertiveness journey, I wish you well.
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