Lost self confidence

I used to be self confident. I least moderately that I could do things and take risks. Now my self confidence is pretty much gone. It's debilitating. I cannot do anything without being attacked by doubts about my abilities and intelligence. I cannot overcome these thoughts. So, I cannot do anything with confidence, and my anxiety triumphs every time. I quickly quit if I manage to start. I am not sure how I can restore/build my self confidence. What we think we can do is very important in doing things. The issue is in the mind. Does anyone relate, and if you managed to build self confidence, how did you do it?

Taking care of myself by myself for many years (not too much influence from family and friends), I learned to know my own boundaries. I lost all hope in myself with others. And it hurts. I surround myself with negative thoughts in light of what I think I know, and can’t keep them out long enough to breathe. I am a quitter, please don’t follow me. I won’t be there. I can’t be alone. How do I remind myself that I am my own person? Well, I tell myself that, I am my own person and then, I do the same thing the next day. I am not fully confident in everything that I do, but I know my own bounds. So I try again, and this time slowly. Forget baby steps. Everything falls into place in time.

It sounds like you have slowly allowed fear to be in the driver's seat. The thing is, confidence is built when we work towards something and find that we either meet a goal or find that failing to meet the goal wasn't that bad after all (anxiety is about negative anticipations about the future). Of course, if we are just sitting around wasting time then our anxiety is rooted in reality. Eventually, we reap what we sow so if we aren't tending to our "garden" by cultivating good habits like exercising, eating right, finding a job and sticking with it, or these types of important things that will payoff for us eventually then we may be anxious because our subconscious knows the outcome will be bad.

I recommend deciding on a managable goal then spend time working on that goal everyday--eventually, you will either succeed or realize you need to adjust the goal. Taking positive action can reduce anxiety and once you succeed at something--your confidence will grow causing you to be motivated to accomplish more. You say that you were once self confident. Back then, was there something that you accomplished? If there was--remember and focus on the fact that you have been successful before and, bit by bit, you can be again. Also, if there are people in your life who are discouraging--limit your time with them. Plus, look for a place to work or a friend that are encouraging.

How to Overcome Your Irrational Fears (That Stop You from Succeeding)

I guess while I am doing my advanced degree studies I struggle a lot, and eventually fell into deep depression that's taken over my life since then. Because of it, I haven't been able to do things right, and bit by bit I have started to lose my self-esteem because of my lack of achievements, until I ended unemployed because no one seems to think I can do the job, which reinforces my self doubts. Before that I was doing my undergraduate studies and school, and I did well, so, I was more confident. Besides I didn't face high expectations from anyone.

But I guess you are right, I need to achieve things to build my confidence, however starting is the most difficult part. Overcoming my doubts and anxiety to start is a real struggle. For example I am trying to read a book that I think could help me develop some skills to land a job, most of the days I open it, but never read in it because I would think "you are too late in this, and you don't have experience anyway, and no one would hire you". It's like a snowball.

Starting is always a stumbling block but some days I just get so frustrated I start cleaning my room. That can start a new attitude. I try to keep a notebook of all the projects I would like to complete in this life. And then I try to do the first step to one of them

I had low confidence for a very long time and I did a lot of different things to improve it, many of them I can't remember, one of the most powerful was success stacking.

Everybody has been successful at something in their lives and everybody has successes everyday, people with low self esteem play these success down, it's time to stop this. Celebrate all of your successes, no matter how small, write them down everyday and review them everyday. Overtime this can help change the way you think about yourself.

I hear you. For me it was just seeing what did I do right. It did not have to be an overwhelming success. I just had to see that everything I did was not wrong. "What things did I do that were okay?" That helped

All the platitudes, rules of thumb, cliches, etc, have a nugget of truth to them.

I am partial to the ones regarding resilience.

"Fall nine times, Stand up ten."

I like the idea of what things have I done that were ok.

hugs