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Old 02-02-2019, 04:39 PM #1
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Default what is self-confidence?

Hello,
What is to be confident about oneself to you? How do you feel when you feel confident?
For example, I feel that I am unlovable, that I will never attract a good man for myself.. that I am not: I dont even know what... not pretty enough, not smart enough, no suitable "career".. that I am just plain "unlucky".. like a "loser" from birth.. like my life is a life of a loser! People have told me that I lack self-confidence, or maybe self-esteem and that I must learn to "love" myself! But it is hard for me... I personally feel, that to attract a man I love and want.. is almost "impossible" because.. well, because I am I - a loser!
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Old 02-02-2019, 05:07 PM #2
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Default Re: what is self-confidence?

Whether you have a partner or not, the fact that you have written this and opened up to others means you are already really confident.
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Old 02-02-2019, 05:44 PM #3
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Please don't call yourself a loser. You seem an intelligent person who is going through a rough patch. Ignore the labeling. Those who do that have their own issues. For years I listened to the critics. Not worth it. Why believe them. I think self confidence is like body armor. The links of the armor are good things you know about yourself. My parents were critical people who labeled their kids. Not good. That took a bit of undoing. Again don't listen to the critics no matter who they are. You are worthy of finding love and acceptance.
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Old 02-02-2019, 06:32 PM #4
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Smile Re: what is self-confidence?

Here are links to 6 articles, from PC's archives, on the subject of how to develop self-esteem & self-confidence & learn to trust yourself. The first article is by DocJohn:

6 Tips to Improve Your Self-Esteem

How to Build Self-Esteem | Mental Health Awareness

The Self-Confidence Formula for Women

3 Techniques to Boost Your Confidence

How to Build Self-Confidence, Inner Strength, & Resilience

https://psychcentral.com/blog/3-ways...op-self-trust/

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Default Re: what is self-confidence?

Quote:
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Old 02-14-2019, 10:00 PM #6
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Default Re: what is self-confidence?

Self-confidence is when you don't constantly worry about what others think.
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Old 02-15-2019, 07:13 AM #7
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Default Re: what is self-confidence?

I think self confidence has a lot to do with inner peace and life acceptance. Accepting that you suffered trauma, neglect; acceptance that you have a mental illness and stuff is hard sometimes. It also has a lot to do with self forgiveness.
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Old 02-15-2019, 10:53 AM #8
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Default Re: what is self-confidence?

Hello Emma345,

I am so sorry you feel badly about yourself I've been there!!

First, I respectfully discourage you from making your current goal to attract a man. If you feel so badly about yourself, your top goal needs to be to work on your relationship with yourself. If you haven't yet done that, one of two things could happen. You could attract the wrong type of man...someone who enjoys belittling or dominating a woman with low self-esteem. Or you could meet a wonderful man and be unable to form a close and healthy attachment with him because you have not yet learned to love yourself. I say this without judgment, but care and regard And I speak from my own past mistakes!

Self-esteem, in my view, is truly believing and trusting in the Self. To believe that no matter what happens in life, the Self will deal with things as needed. Belief in one's own inner power and also recognizing the beauty in that.

Self-confidence is a little different in my impression. I've known a few friends who could benefit from a boost to their self-confidence but their self-esteem is relatively intact. Though self-esteem and self-confidence are obviously not completely separate.

What you are describing, based on your self-perceptions, is a significant self-esteem issue. And there is plenty that can be done about that so don't feel badly or lose hope I think talking to an experienced therapist would be a great place to start.

I should also say that I was not trying to suggest that you shouldn't ever seek a partner in your life. I just think that you first need to build a solid partnership with your Self before looking to partner with another person.

I can help you get started:

Emma, you opened up and shared your truth on PC. That shows that you are BRAVE and STRONG. You clearly identified a problem you are having. That shows GREAT SELF-AWARENESS. You weren't sure how to deal with that problem so you reached out to others for ideas. That shows GREAT PROBLEM-SOLVING ability. These wonderful traits you have are a great foundation for progress...YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK! Keep going!

Practical tip: start doing things on your own. At your own comfort level. Go out for lunch on your own. Wander through a book store on your own...approach the sales associate and ask some Qs about an area of literature you're interested in. Gradually up the ante. I went on vacation on my own and it was one of the most empowering things I've ever done. If that sounds wild or scary to you...think about day to day things which you avoid or feel uncomfortable doing alone and try to incrementally face them at a pace which is comfortable to you. You can slowly teach yourself that your Self is wonderful.

I wish you peace and a bright future

Last edited by Anonymous57363; 02-15-2019 at 11:05 AM.
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Old 02-15-2019, 11:28 AM #9
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Default Re: what is self-confidence?

I cant believe I missed the part about wanting to attract a man. Emma, you will never find your internal happiness in another person- never. You have to get right-side with yourself and give yourself some love in order to give or receive love from another person. It doesnt matter if we are talking about a friend or lover if you do not love yourself you will never find the kind of love you want. And it will always disappoint you.
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Old 02-19-2019, 11:30 PM #10
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Default Re: what is self-confidence?

Hi, I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. It can sometimes be very hard dealing with issues of self-worth.


This is similar to what others have said, but to me self-confidence or high self-esteem is when you trust yourself enough to know that, no matter what happens, you are worthy of good things. You can pick yourself up after a bad day, or understand that a rejection, obstacle, or mistake isn't a permanent mark of who you are, even if those things hurt a lot. It starts with acceptance of yourself, all the positives and negatives, what you can and can't change, then focusing on the positive aspects about who you are, the ones you really like about yourself, building on them until you feel secure. You might know or not know what you like about yourself, but I guarantee you we are all brought in to this world worthy of love and we all bring something beautiful to someone somewhere, we all have something positive about ourselves, something someone else will love or believe in, often hiding within.
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