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AcMeKaNiK
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Default Jul 15, 2019 at 03:39 AM
  #1
I was gifted with some attributes that set me apart from the crowd as a kid and not in a good way which drew in bullies from all directions. Even tho all but one of these things arent relevant anymore my mind has hung on to them so that subconsciously they are still there, right at the center of my every decision it seems. I guess what I mean is that the way I percieve my self image is prolly not what others see but I give off the vibe of a person with issues and its picked up by others. I am very socially awkward, not quick witted. I will find myself always thinking to myself, I should have said this or that but cant come up with those words when they are needed.

Another thing I wanted to ask is I grew up as an only child. I dont know if this is related to that but I find myself having these I guess you could call them daydreams or fantasies out of nowhere. Its usually when something isnt going well and Im feeling very insecure. I have always also talked to myself ALOT. To the point where if Im around other people I will find someone looking at me weird so I'll kind of cover it by started to cough or hum like I was singing to myself or something. I really feel pretty idiotic at this point when this happens and I dont know if this is a sign that I have some kind of underlying psychosis or what the deal is. CEN is what drew me to this site so I am looking into this as well.

I just sometimes wish that all of the brain HP I use up thru the day wasnt spend on all my internal bullS**t I would probably have gone alot further in life. I just feel so much time is spend inside my own head instead of outside of it where it belongs.
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Smile Jul 16, 2019 at 02:33 PM
  #2
Thanks for sharing this. I recall replying to your introductory post. I can't tell you what the experiences you've described here are about... or to what extent they are related to having been an only child. What I can say is that, many years ago, I also grew up as an only child. I was also a target for bullies. And I can certainly relate to what you wrote about wishing you could spend less time in your own head & more outside of it where it belongs.

I do suspect that growing up as an only child probably imposes upon only-children a certain set of unique conditions (some fortuitous & some not so much.) Some of what you wrote sounds to me as though it may perhaps be related to social anxiety, which is something I've always struggled with. I can't speak to the CEN issue myself. There was no such concept, that I know of, way back when I was growing up; & it's all too long ago, & my memories of it are too foggy, to be able to say whether I was emotionally neglected or not.

Anyway... I don't know as any of that is of any consequence to you. There isn't much of anything I could offer in the way of insights or advice. But these are my thoughts with regard to your post.

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Default Jan 29, 2020 at 09:01 PM
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