[Butterflies Are Free]

I am working pretty intensely with a therapist on CSA issues and last week I was finally able to get some of my anger out by yelling, stomping, and pounding a pillow on the floor. I felt better for awhile but then became pretty exhausted. I am a little afraid of the feelings that have surfaced. I was wondering how others worked through their anger.

I have no good advice, I just wanted to say that you made a really good first step though!

[autumnleaves]

hmmm... Well, I know that I still have problems with anger. However, it helps me feel somewhat better when I am able to acknowledge time and time again that the abuse was not my fault and that what happened was unfair. Sometimes it's better to realize that your anger is justified than to try to get rid of it, as long as you're not misplacing it.

[Sannah]

Sounds like you are doing just fine with this. Keep going.

[Butterflies Are Free]

Thanks to everyone for their great replies - I appreciate them!

[TashaAnne63]

Please don't get angry with me for saying this, because I know this is incredibly hard to do (and it seems like it's impossible), but it is possible.

I dealt with my anger by... forgiving... It was so... incredibly hard to do, and I still get angry sometimes, but mostly I am just saddened but the all evil of it. I honestly don't know how I did it, I was just sitting there and... let it go... I let it all go... I felt everything I had felt since I was 6 years old just slip away from me... It was an incredible release.

I honestly don't know how to tell you to get to this point, since I don't know how I got there myself, but I want you to be able to experience the feeling I felt when I forgave.

It takes a long time, like I said, it me years to get to that point, but when it finally does happen, you will feel much, much better.



It sounds like you might be off to a good start of releasing it, though. Keep it up.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Anger is a good step. Im still in the anger stage myself. Allow yourself time to be angry, it was put off long enough. Write angry letters, just dont send them, rant and rage in your journal and maybe take some boxing/kick boxing classes to let the anger out, just dont let it consume you. When you accept and let out your anger it helps you do something that should have been dealt with a long time ago. If you try to hide from or push away the anger it just bottles up again. In time, often less time you would think, work with your t in ways to manage and over come your anger but embrace it as well.

I spent 24 years feeling guilty. Just two months ago was i finally able to feel anger, and lots of it. It is such a bitter sweet relief when you can stop being angry with yourself and put that anger where it belongs. And now two months later that anger is much less intense. While it still lightly lingers, i do not want to scream or yell most days and i also no longer cry from blaming myself.

Just keep up the good work, dont feel bad for being angry, its your right to feel that way

[Purple Heart]

i do a similar thing to Butterflies by yelling which I find very releasing. I need to get the anger out befoer I can forgive the abusers. Forgiving right now just will not work as I'm left with intense anger. So i'm allowing myself to express my anger in a safe place which I find very empowering for me.

[critterlady]

I really do think you need to work through the anger, hurt and pain before you can get to forgiveness.

Good for you, Butterflies! Please don't be afraid of the feelings. The feelings are natural. As long as you don't hurt yourself or anyone else, however you need to express your anger is just right.

[Butterflies Are Free]

Thanks again to all! This might sound strange, but I do believe I have forgiven both my father and grandfather. The anger I am now releasing is about getting rid of the fear/shame/anger that has been trapped in my body for so long. The physical act of hitting pillows and yelling is helpful because I was not able to fight back or use my voice as a child. I guess I am giving a voice to that small child so those frozen parts of her can "thaw" and heal...I am thankful for all of your replies!

[Ticli-Otops]

I'm at that stage too. Sometimes, I feel like i'm out of control. Don't worry, you're not alone. <3 Just remember to tell yourself, that everything will be better in the end. Once you get past the anger, and out of control emotions, it'll be better. At least that's what i've been telling myself, and i'm at least 100% sure, that's true.(: Don't worry, and don't give up. Good luck.

[Purple Heart]

Originally Posted by Butterflies Are Free

Thanks again to all! This might sound strange, but I do believe I have forgiven both my father and grandfather. The anger I am now releasing is about getting rid of the fear/shame/anger that has been trapped in my body for so long. The physical act of hitting pillows and yelling is helpful because I was not able to fight back or use my voice as a child. I guess I am giving a voice to that small child so those frozen parts of her can "thaw" and heal...I am thankful for all of your replies!

Hi Butterflies are free. I'm doing a similar process to you. I talk to the inner child and allow him to scream since he was not allowed to do this as a child. It is very empowering and is actually healing. It ties in with neuro-plasticity a new term discovered by scientists since they say you can change the hard-wiring of the brain. So for me the locked in trauma in my brain I am now releasing. This leads to healing and an end to flashbacks and triggers.

[Butterflies Are Free]

Yes, I have done some reading about all of this and it is so fascinating. It is great to be able to release anger in a safe, healthy way without hurting anyone else and it also feels great to finally be able to give our inner children a voice. Since starting this type of work, my depression and anxiety levels have dropped and I feel more compassionate towards myself. I also feel more compassion towards my abusers because I am not keeping all of my feelings inside.

[geez]

So glad you were able to express that in therapy. Sounds like you have a good T that knows what they are doing. My current T (soon to be x t) allowed me to be physical by pushing against her with a pillow. I pretended she was my mom and t leaned into the pillow while I pushed against her from a sitting position. It felt great! The next time the topic of anger came up she told me she 'doesn't do anger' etc..?????

I need to be able to express it but for now to get the energy out of my body I exercise pretty intensely (run, bike, lift weights etc.).

[Butterflies Are Free]

Geez, I am glad you had the chance to do some anger work with your T and remember your post about how the next time she said she "doesn't do anger." I was so sorry to hear this because I am learning that anger is just an emotion like all the other emotions and that it really can be expressed in a healthy way. Although I do have a diagnosed depressive disorder, I know that some of my past depression was caused by me pushing my anger down. Since I started expressing all of my feelings safely, the depression and anxiety has really decreased. I hope you will be able to continue this work with your new T!!!