[FaithisAlive]

Have you ever read the series of books called " Flowers in the Attic"?

My father was a Marine.. actualy had had been a military police officer if we are to believe what he told us growing up.. he had been discharged after a fall and a blow to the head...

He was a narcistic personality too and he fabricated alot of stories to boost his own importance so much of what he told us is questionable. with that said.. the rest of the story..

Dad had a thing about his " white glove" inspection where he would go around and wipe stuff you had cleaned with one white gloved finger... and it didn't matter if he got any dust or dirt because he always made it be redone...the toilet cleaned over.. the shelf re dusted... nothing was EVER right enough for him.

we had to scrub the kitchen floor with toothbrushes the way they did in boot camp for punishment.. and he would walk on the part already done and say..? You call that clean" No, he didn't say..he screamed...

he liked to wake us up banging a spoon on a trash can lid (metal) to wake us up in the weehours of morning .. line us up to stand attention and then he would drill us abotu some alleged crime he thought one of uis had committed.. and the whole while, we are sleep-dazed and going to school in a few hours..

He liked to make us do things like hold a stack of books out to the side until our hands and arms were numb. If you dropped them before he said you could you got some kind of punishment. He played mind games alot and he controlled everything we did.

He was an alcoholic and very unpredictable. this is just a FEW things he enjoyed doing to his 4 children.I'll share more later... just wanted to get that out there.Thanks!

[Rhapsody]

I am so SORRY - some times our own government can create monsters..... Do you feel as though your dad loves you and that he just did not know how to show it in a way that you could feel the love? - due to his own past and then compounded with military training.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[JustAPixie]

your story is heartbreaking faith... I wish there was some magical cure to take it all away. You are a special person, never forget that. I don't really want to post this for fear of triggering you, but I'll just say this, you made me realise how greatful I should be. We take so many little things for granted. I'm so sorry for all the pain you had to suffer... I really am and I hope you will find some peace in the future.

Hang in there
Tanya

I'm sorry you had to endure this.

You're very strong and brave to share your story.

[FaithisAlive]

Thanks ya'll... my father passed away 6 years ago and when he did I was actually feeling quite indifferent towards him and I have been working more on my "mom-issues" in therapy since I do see her fairly regularly.

My dad was taken from his alcoholic parnents, his mother also was a prostitute... and he was placed in a childrens home, which back then was alot like "Orphan Annie" type homes. I do think his military training was the only structure he ever truly knew and he fell back on that when it came to running his household.

I have alot of healing to do; there seems to be so much from my childhood to face up to that it does get overwhelming st times. I have to take it one step at a time.. one thing at a time.

[JustAPixie]

The fact that you are even able to see your path of healing is amazing. I take one step forward and two steps back it seems... Yes, small steps is the key.

[PasDeDeux]

((( faith)))) YOU deserved better. I am sorry how terrible it must have been for you

[PasDeDeux]

I am wondering how you are doing? I haven't seen you post much but I haven't been on a lot myself so maybe you arent on here much. If you are I care

[FaithisAlive]

Thank you.. I am blessed to call you friend...

Peace.... Faith

[PasDeDeux]

I feel the same (((Faith))) Pm me any time