[RACEKA]

I am a female in therapy for sexual abuse by my mother. I feel it is so disscusting I have a hard time talking about it. Last session I was supposed to be telling him about it and most of the session was in silence. I don't know what to say. Do I explain the acts? I thought T should of coached me. I don't know how to talk about it.

Can anyone help?

[MissCharlotte]

Raceka,

I have many of those silent moments. It's so hard when you have conflicting and competing thoughts running through your head. So just relax if you can and close your eyes and say whatever feels comfortable. Don't talk about anything your not yet comfortable with. It takes time to build up a relationship with your t first, the rest will come in time.

Take gentle care.

((((((((((gentle safe hugs to you)))))))))))

i can relate. just take it step by stepand remember it has to come out in order for you to get rid of the baggage, it will be hard but worth it

all my love, jinnyann xoxoxo

i'd take it slow. discuss what you want or dont want to talk about. is something else pressing? maybe journaling it before may help. Stay safe.

[Sherryanne]

((((((((((safe hugs)))))))

I can so relate. I was abused by my sister and it took me a year of therapy to even disclose that anything happened. Its been almost a year since then and I still cant talk about it. I have started being able to say like key words but not sentences. Its extremely painful, and I question myself alot. I mean afterall a female cant abuse a female. I think telling myself that makes it even more difficult to talk about. Too much shame....

But I empathize with you and wish you all the best

gentle hugs to everyone too... jinny is right .... it does have to come out for things to feel better,,,,, the details are so hard though aren't they?...everytime I get to the details, I get sick to my tummy.... last friday my T asked me if there was "anything I could eat that would make me feel better"...
I thought "are you kidding?'' I just wanted a magic wand that would make it all go away....

take it slow and easy... a little at a time

[mtd]

RACEKA, Two things have kept me quiet in this way. Shame is one, fear is the other. I don't deserve either. To speak openly, I have had to work deliberately to give the shame back to who it belongs -- the abusers. And I have had to work deliberately to find safety for myself today, now that I am old enough to take care of myself.

I guess what I'm saying is, the first step for me really wasn't speaking about the details of what was done to me -- those things were disgusting. Instead, I had to find ways to take care of myself first, to rebuild myself so that I wasn't so afraid and wasn't carrying around so much undeserved guilt. The first step for me was to see what I could say about myself that was beautiful. From there, I have worked to regain my voice, the voice that was silenced by the abusers.

You are not alone. Keep reaching out for support.

Be well,

mtd

[dalila]

<font color="green">I am a female who was abused by men and by my mother and my godmother. My mother abused me physically, mentally and emotionally, but my godmother helped my godfather sexually abuse me. She went further than just aiding his efforts but I find that harder to talk about and deal with than all the abuse by men. She convinced me that if I ever told anyone I would be despised, hated and abandoned. I did the only thing a small child can do – I repressed even the memories of the abuse.

I remember the long painful pauses the choking out of a word or two and terrible nausea as I told my therapist. This is still hard, I was living with my godparent because my mother had a breakdown and was hospitalized. They were supposed to keep me safe. Instead, I kept them safe cos I couldn’t tell anyone until more than 40 years later.

It does get easier, slowly and painfully but it does get there. Keep on trying and working, just tell it as it happened. I.e. she touched me there; she kissed me like… and trust that your therapist will be there to help you. She/he is not likely to coach you in talking about it as that is looked at as ‘planting false memories,’ and considered unethical. I did warn my therapist I felt like I was going to barf and she offered me a trashcan and gave me permission to barf if I needed to barf. Somehow, that was helpful for me.

The first time you tell is the hardest, but you have lived through the hardest part of all – the abuse itself. You are a survivor and you can make it through this too.
</font>

[RACEKA]

Thanks everyone for all of your comments. It really helps to know your not alone. This is so discusting I didn't even know where to start.

You've all helped me tremendously.

hey. i'm impressed that your therapist can sit there with you and let you be quiet if that is what you need to do.

a lot of people are unsure what they are meant to be doing in therapy. look to their therapist for cues for what they are meant to be doing. i do that a lot.

what is he doing when you are sitting there struggling with yourself? when you are feeling disgust in particular. what is he doing? do you get any sense from him that 'its okay i see that you are struggling and i'm here'. or do you get any sense of him feeling the disgust with you? i mean... i know he isn't saying anything and you aren't saying anything... but i'm wondering whether there is some non-verbal communication going on.

i've read of therapies where the client was silent for months. months. during that time the client was starting to feel a little more comfortable a little more emotionally held. a little safer. then the talking just came.

i'm sure the talking will come when you are ready.

if it is feeling excruciating though and you aren't really getting a sense of emotional connection or soothing from him then could you ask him to be a little more directive with asking you questions and stuff? you could write it on a bit of paper and give it to him if you like.

it IS hard.

hang in there sweetie.

> a female cant abuse a female.

yeah a female can abuse a female.
emotionally
physically
sexually (penetration with a penis isn't necessary for sexual abuse)