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Old 02-07-2018, 11:59 PM #1
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Default is this a warning sign ?

when me and my husband have an fight my husband seems to lose his temper and hit or damage something in the house he has put his hand through a door and in the past he has grapped me hard
i am unsure if this is a warning sign that he maybe abustive he says he does these things because he is frustrated with me he use to be a self harmer but not done it in a long time am also worried that he might hurt me
am scared of him unsure what i can do about it but i think he may need help
he is also controlling as well
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Old 02-08-2018, 12:28 AM #2
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Default Re: is this a warning sign ?

Well, yes. I would say. You shouldn't be afraid of your husband.
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Old 02-08-2018, 12:54 AM #3
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Default Re: is this a warning sign ?

do i bring it up to him i dont want us to fight again ...its becoming to the point its affecting me so badly i feel very triggered and upset to the point where i am rocking back and forth in shock of some sort ( i have PTSD from abuse as a child )
he has stopped me from leaving and am not allowed money due to the fact of my mental health but any money he does give me is very little
unsure if i should call the police next time but they might take his side as he is my carer as well
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Old 02-09-2018, 12:44 PM #4
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Default Re: is this a warning sign ?

Do you have a therapist to confide in? I am not sure if you should approach him about it if you think he might react badly. Maybe there is a crisis line you can call?
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Old 02-09-2018, 12:54 PM #5
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Default Re: is this a warning sign ?

When he does these things (punching walls, etc) and it triggers you, then it is emotional abuse. I would be afraid that it might become physical. Have you told this to your therapist or doctor?
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Old 02-09-2018, 12:58 PM #6
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Default Re: is this a warning sign ?

He stops you from leaving? Are you allowed to talk to friends, family?
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Old 02-09-2018, 02:19 PM #7
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Default Re: is this a warning sign ?

This is already an abusive situation. It is beyond a warning sign. You need to find nearby support and help immediately. Good luck and Hugs. We are here for you too when you need someone to listen.
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Old 02-09-2018, 03:25 PM #8
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Default Re: is this a warning sign ?

I found it extremely counter-productive when I told my husband that he was being abusive towards me. It caused him to ramp up his emotional abuse of me to a great degree. I suggest not doing that. Do you have a therapist you can talk to?
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Old 02-10-2018, 06:03 AM #9
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Default Re: is this a warning sign ?

av not told anyone yet i have no contact with my family but am allowed to see my friend my friends are also my husband friends i have brought it up to my husband but he says he need to stop me from leaving as he is scared ill hurt myself in some way he is controling because of my mental health issues i have my pastor that i can talk to its just i push buttons its mainly my fault
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Old 02-10-2018, 10:41 AM #10
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Default Re: is this a warning sign ?

He does NOT "lose" his temper.....he is in control. You are being abused; unless an abuser realizes he is an abuser and gets help, he will never change. You have to help yourself; I got out after 31 years of physical and verbal abuse. You can call the Domestic Violence Hotline; there are so many resources now to help. Do you have a shelter in your area? You do NOT push his buttons; he has a choice in how he responds and behaves. Abusers always blame the ones they are abusing.http://www.ncdsv.org/images/PowerCon...ADING.pdf...if this doesn't show up correctly,you can google the "Power Control wheel...domestic violence. Abuser s are excruciatingly insecure and will say and do anything to keep you under control. I went to my pastor, and unfortunately it was a disaster; I had to educate myself....most churches are ill equipped in understanding and helping women in abusive situations.

The Verbally Abusive Relationshp by Patricia Evans is a book which saved my life. One thing I can tell you from research and experience is....not to engage in abusive conversation; the abuser wants you to keep explaining over and over.

In other words, trust your gut; if you are afraid there is a reason;abuse usually escalates and he could hurt you or kill you. PLEASE call the domestiv violence hotline (make sure he isn't around); if you have to, make the call from somewhere else.
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