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Default Sep 26, 2018 at 09:14 PM
  #21
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Originally Posted by Stone92 View Post
Because I didn't want anyone to worry about me.
Because I didn't know if it "counted".

Because I didn't scream or fight back.

Because I don't trust the police.
I hear this all the time.
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Default Sep 26, 2018 at 09:14 PM
  #22
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Originally Posted by gracebuttercup View Post
Thank you everyone who wrote about their experiences. I absolutely believe you all. Your words help me to feel less alone.
Glad we could help

Last edited by Buffy01; Sep 26, 2018 at 09:15 PM.. Reason: Misspell a word
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Default Sep 26, 2018 at 09:17 PM
  #23
Because I didn't scream!.
Because I didn't yell no!
Because I didn't scream stop!
Because no one believe me
Because it was someone I knew and I was adult myself!
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Default Sep 26, 2018 at 09:18 PM
  #24
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Originally Posted by nicoleflynn View Post
I think it is helpful to write a letter of restorative justice......that says...this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. You had no voice when you were young, but now you can speak up (even if the abuser is dead). xoxo
I will keep that in mind! Great advice!
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Default Sep 26, 2018 at 09:19 PM
  #25
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Originally Posted by 88Butterfly88 View Post
Because I don't remember all the details since I was so young.
Because he was a Catholic priest so people thought he was a good guy.
Because I'm autistic and fear the court would use that against me.
Because if I'm ever ready the statue of limitations is up now anyway.
Because he's dead anyway and can't hurt anyone anymore.
Possible trigger:
I'm sorry that you are struggling right now!
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Default Sep 26, 2018 at 09:21 PM
  #26
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Originally Posted by Zedsdead View Post
Because I didn't know what abuse looked or felt like.

Because I had grown up that way.

Because I thought obsession = love.

Because I didn't trust my own body or perception.
I had a lot of experience in that myself!
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Default Sep 27, 2018 at 06:11 PM
  #27
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Originally Posted by nicoleflynn View Post
I think it is helpful to write a letter of restorative justice......that says...this is what you did, this is how it made me feel. You had no voice when you were young, but now you can speak up (even if the abuser is dead). xoxo
Good advice, thanks ...

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Default Sep 29, 2018 at 07:34 AM
  #28
I reported and no one would help anyway.
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Default Sep 29, 2018 at 07:44 PM
  #29
I was 3, I was 5 , I was 10, I was 18. I was all the ages in between.

I did report. I was told to shut up.
I did report. I was told I was lying.
I did report. I was told I would it would kill my mother, kill my father, destroy my family.
I did report. I was taken away from my home, blamed for the destruction.
I did report. I was told I was crazy, threatened with being locked up.
I did report. The social workers didn't believe me. The therapist didn't believe me.
I did report. I was branded a liar, a home breaker, disturbed, crazy.
I did report. I was returned to the abusers care by the state anyway.

I stopped reporting.

Do you know what NOBODY did?
Nobody cared.
Nobody believed.
Nobody comforted.
Nobody reassured.
Nobody listened.
Nobody protected.
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Default Sep 30, 2018 at 10:39 AM
  #30
One was an authorities son. I knew I wouldn't be believed.
One was a Social workers son. I didn't want to rake Myself over the coals
I knew it would be he says she says case in court
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Default Oct 01, 2018 at 03:54 PM
  #31
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Originally Posted by gracebuttercup View Post
Thank you everyone who wrote about their experiences. I absolutely believe you all. Your words help me to feel less alone.
I second that!
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Default Oct 01, 2018 at 04:01 PM
  #32
Because I didn't understand what was happening, what to call it
Because I was ashamed
Because I thought it was my fault
Because I felt mean for not wanting him, and like I had deceived him
Because I thought I was supposed to like it
Because I would have to admit it to myself, and loose whatever self respect I had
Because I was this tough kid, and if anyone in school found out, I would be free game
Because I didn't know it was illegal

I've reported him now, though, 19 years later. Nothing will ever happen to him, but at least my story will forever be in the police files, as will his name.
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Default Oct 03, 2018 at 02:03 PM
  #33
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Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
I was 3, I was 5 , I was 10, I was 18. I was all the ages in between.

I did report. I was told to shut up.
I did report. I was told I was lying.
I did report. I was told I would it would kill my mother, kill my father, destroy my family.
I did report. I was taken away from my home, blamed for the destruction.
I did report. I was told I was crazy, threatened with being locked up.
I did report. The social workers didn't believe me. The therapist didn't believe me.
I did report. I was branded a liar, a home breaker, disturbed, crazy.
I did report. I was returned to the abusers care by the state anyway.

I stopped reporting.

Do you know what NOBODY did?
Nobody cared.
Nobody believed.
Nobody comforted.
Nobody reassured.
Nobody listened.
Nobody protected.
I am so sorry. Your words hit me right in my heart, as they should. I wish I had words for that kid who was so profoundly betrayed by the adults
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Default Oct 03, 2018 at 03:25 PM
  #34
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Originally Posted by gracebuttercup View Post
I am so sorry. Your words hit me right in my heart, as they should. I wish I had words for that kid who was so profoundly betrayed by the adults
Hey, thanks for saying that, I appreciate it. My T keeps saying my abuse was "extreme", but that just doesn't compute for me somehow. When I wrote out my response here the other day it did strike me as - quite a lot - to see it written down like that. Perhaps I am beginning to question that maybe my situation WAS a little more than usual, or was particularly... unfortunate.

I think I am just trying to mull all of this over. I only ever see one little part of the abuse at a time. But put together it does seem to be quite a lot.
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Trig Oct 06, 2018 at 11:05 PM
  #35
Because he was my Dad and I was 3, so I must have been confused or mis-remembered.

Because my Mom, the enabler, said she was 'always watching', except that later she told me that she was too depressed to watch and that she often was asleep and that she didn't really know.

Because I tried to really believe that Dad walking in on me in the bathrooms so much was really a mistake or an accident.

Because I was a child and told not to speak out.

Because saying anything against my parents as a child was un-Christian.

Because saying anything against a male as a woman was un-Christian.

Because he was 'just trying to comfort me from a panic attack'.

Because I didn't feel like I was worth it anyways.

Because I was scared of wrongfully accusing someone, and I didn't really understand proper boundaries thanks to my childhood.

Because my Mom told me that going into 'the system' would get me and my siblings beaten, raped, and worse - worse than how things were already in my house apparently.

Because my teachers told me how much I could say before they would make a formal record.

Because I was scared of being 'that girl' all over again; I had already been 'that weird sad girl' when my brother died and it felt like being alone on an island.

Because I wanted to be normal.

Because I had good grades and did well in school, so it must not be affecting me, right?

Because a social worker touched my privates when I had told her no, so clearly this was okay.

Because I didn't matter to my parents, to the church (that I found out knew about my abuse), or to other adults that heard me.

Because as long as I went to school and didn't do anything wrong, I was 'fine'.

Because I didn't want to hurt my sister.

Because I would hurt my brother's chances at being a good Christian pastor, according to my family.

These are some of my reasons, at least the ones that I could think of and type without feeling too nauseous.
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Default Oct 07, 2018 at 07:48 PM
  #36
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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
Good advice, thanks ...
Great advice!
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Default Oct 07, 2018 at 07:50 PM
  #37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilfae View Post
Because I didn't understand what was happening, what to call it
Because I was ashamed
Because I thought it was my fault
Because I felt mean for not wanting him, and like I had deceived him
Because I thought I was supposed to like it
Because I would have to admit it to myself, and loose whatever self respect I had
Because I was this tough kid, and if anyone in school found out, I would be free game
Because I didn't know it was illegal

I've reported him now, though, 19 years later. Nothing will ever happen to him, but at least my story will forever be in the police files, as will his name.
I second that!
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Default Oct 07, 2018 at 07:52 PM
  #38
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
I was 3, I was 5 , I was 10, I was 18. I was all the ages in between.

I did report. I was told to shut up.
I did report. I was told I was lying.
I did report. I was told I would it would kill my mother, kill my father, destroy my family.
I did report. I was taken away from my home, blamed for the destruction.
I did report. I was told I was crazy, threatened with being locked up.
I did report. The social workers didn't believe me. The therapist didn't believe me.
I did report. I was branded a liar, a home breaker, disturbed, crazy.
I did report. I was returned to the abusers care by the state anyway.

I stopped reporting.

Do you know what NOBODY did?
Nobody cared.
Nobody believed.
Nobody comforted.
Nobody reassured.
Nobody listened.
Nobody protected.
I believe you. Those who had cried wolf? Had end up being believe and being help.
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Default Oct 07, 2018 at 07:56 PM
  #39
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatLover007 View Post
Because he was my Dad and I was 3, so I must have been confused or mis-remembered.

Because my Mom, the enabler, said she was 'always watching', except that later she told me that she was too depressed to watch and that she often was asleep and that she didn't really know.

Because I tried to really believe that Dad walking in on me in the bathrooms so much was really a mistake or an accident.

Because I was a child and told not to speak out.

Because saying anything against my parents as a child was un-Christian.

Because saying anything against a male as a woman was un-Christian.

Because he was 'just trying to comfort me from a panic attack'.

Because I didn't feel like I was worth it anyways.

Because I was scared of wrongfully accusing someone, and I didn't really understand proper boundaries thanks to my childhood.

Because my Mom told me that going into 'the system' would get me and my siblings beaten, raped, and worse - worse than how things were already in my house apparently.

Because my teachers told me how much I could say before they would make a formal record.

Because I was scared of being 'that girl' all over again; I had already been 'that weird sad girl' when my brother died and it felt like being alone on an island.

Because I wanted to be normal.

Because I had good grades and did well in school, so it must not be affecting me, right?

Because a social worker touched my privates when I had told her no, so clearly this was okay.

Because I didn't matter to my parents, to the church (that I found out knew about my abuse), or to other adults that heard me.

Because as long as I went to school and didn't do anything wrong, I was 'fine'.

Because I didn't want to hurt my sister.

Because I would hurt my brother's chances at being a good Christian pastor, according to my family.

These are some of my reasons, at least the ones that I could think of and type without feeling too nauseous.
I believe you!
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Default Oct 08, 2018 at 06:31 PM
  #40
Because I didn't want to believe I was assaulted twice, by two separate people, on the same day.

Because I never should've let a stranger drive me home
Because even though I said "I don't want anything sexual," I let him keep flirting
Because when he [ trigger ]stopped the car next to an empty field and stuck his fingers inside me[ /trigger ], I froze up instead of fighting him off
Because I was wearing lacy lingerie, so I must've wanted it
Because [ trigger ]he made me come[ /trigger ], and he knew it
Because I eventually consented to [ trigger ]give him head[ /trigger ] out of fear he would hurt me if I didn't (though he pushed me further anyway)
Because I thought "it was more coercive than nonconsensual"
Because I didn't want to have to explain the rest of my recent sex life to the police
Because by the time I realized I had been violated and wasn't just freaking out about nothing, I had already blocked his messages and forgotten his name

Because he was supposed to be my friend
Because we had already been kissing
Because I wasn't sure that "I'm not comfortable with you [doing the specific thing he started doing two seconds later]" was an explicit enough no
Because how was I the victim [ trigger ]if he went down on me[ /trigger ]?
Because once I realized it was assault, it was two weeks before he was supposed to leave for Europe
Because he was really popular in my college dance scene and I thought the organizers wouldn't believe me and everyone would hate me
Because I didn't want to "ruin his life"
Because my own mother told me that letting him into my room was implicit consent
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