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Default Nov 16, 2018 at 08:05 PM
  #21
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Originally Posted by nicoleflynn View Post
The shame and blame belong (not to you) but the bullies. Try to put that where it belongs (I know it is difficult). Bullies are insecure and need to put others down in order to feel more important; they never feel good about themselves. My mother was verbally and physically abusive, and then my (ex) husband of 31 years, Except for 3 years in the army I lived with abuse. I did a lot of research and figured out what happened. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life, and I think it is a bookwhich everyone should read. Verbal abuse is rampant on our planet.

Unfortunately, we cannot stop someone from bullying us; all we can do is walk away.It is like someone is throwing stones at you, and we wouldn't allow anyone to do that.
That great advice!. I could use that advice because I am currently being bullied myself.
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Default Nov 17, 2018 at 03:53 AM
  #22
The bullies have taken over control of my family and school mates. There is no one left untouched by them. Things will never be good again.
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Default Nov 25, 2018 at 12:59 PM
  #23
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The bullies have taken over control of my family and school mates. There is no one left untouched by them. Things will never be good again.
I completely agree with you!
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Default Nov 26, 2018 at 11:15 PM
  #24
I was bullied but my mom bv told me to ignore them and they'd get bored and stop. Didn't work, got worse. Wish someone would have told me to fight back.

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Default Nov 26, 2018 at 11:56 PM
  #25
One effect it had on me is, as an adult, I won’t take to being bullied. I’ll fight like hell. I’ll also defend others who are weaker.

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Default Nov 27, 2018 at 03:46 AM
  #26
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One effect it had on me is, as an adult, I won’t take to being bullied. I’ll fight like hell. I’ll also defend others who are weaker.

I could use some help. I'm not familiar handling bullies and there are a few who are totally out of control. Is there a medicine they can take to settle them down?
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Default Nov 27, 2018 at 09:06 AM
  #27
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I could use some help. I'm not familiar handling bullies and there are a few who are totally out of control. Is there a medicine they can take to settle them down?
Hi Heartlight,

How about starting your own thread and I’ll be happy to try to help with your bully issue. I read a few of your prior posts to get an idea. I’m sorry you are suffering.

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Default Nov 29, 2018 at 06:58 AM
  #28
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I think some fathers can be too concerned with making their sons "real men" meaning they can't show emotions and should resort to violence when necessary. This hypermasculinity thing is ridiculous in my opinion. I think it's getting a bit better now, but I recently heard someone at my church saying that boys shouldn't play with dolls. Seriously? I'm a girl who never liked dolls, and my youngest brother liked them. He is not gay or trans. Liking dolls and not liking sports doesn't make someone less of a man.

I actually think it's a bit easier for girls, because we're allowed to wear pants and play sports and other traditional "boy" things without being made to feel bad about it. But boys who do not fit traditional gender roles are called "sissies".

I do think my generation is getting better at it though. There are stay-at-home dads and single dads who are the primary caregivers for their children. And I heard they are starting to put diaper changing tables in men's bathrooms, which i think is a positive step.

I think the culture of hypermasculinity makes it harder for the male victim. Especially if the bully is a girl and victim is a boy. It makes the boy feel more inadequate and makes the long term effects worse! I still feel shame and think about losing the fights to my sister and people’s reaction to me getting beaten up after so many years!
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Default Dec 06, 2018 at 09:58 PM
  #29
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Originally Posted by downandlonely View Post
I think some fathers can be too concerned with making their sons "real men" meaning they can't show emotions and should resort to violence when necessary. This hypermasculinity thing is ridiculous in my opinion. I think it's getting a bit better now, but I recently heard someone at my church saying that boys shouldn't play with dolls. Seriously? I'm a girl who never liked dolls, and my youngest brother liked them. He is not gay or trans. Liking dolls and not liking sports doesn't make someone less of a man.

I actually think it's a bit easier for girls, because we're allowed to wear pants and play sports and other traditional "boy" things without being made to feel bad about it. But boys who do not fit traditional gender roles are called "sissies".

I do think my generation is getting better at it though. There are stay-at-home dads and single dads who are the primary caregivers for their children. And I heard they are starting to put diaper changing tables in men's bathrooms, which i think is a positive step.
I completely agree!
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Default Dec 06, 2018 at 09:59 PM
  #30
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I think you have to stand up to a bully. There are ways to do it that are not violent. The trick is to find the way. All bullies are really weak. That is why they have to make themselves "appear" overpowering. The weakness is individual. Find it.
Great advice! I wish that I had thought about that myself!.
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Default Dec 06, 2018 at 10:00 PM
  #31
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I was bullied but my mom bv told me to ignore them and they'd get bored and stop. Didn't work, got worse. Wish someone would have told me to fight back.
I understand.
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Default Dec 07, 2018 at 06:59 AM
  #32
Bullies are weak and insecure, they have to keep bullying to feel better, but they never do. You can't stop anyone from bullying, but you can let them know, you won't have anything to do with them, if they continue; walk away, hang up the phone. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life ; Ithink it should be read by everyone on the planet. Iwish we would stop calling it bullying and use the term verbal abuse.
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Default Dec 07, 2018 at 05:08 PM
  #33
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I think you have to stand up to a bully. There are ways to do it that are not violent. The trick is to find the way. All bullies are really weak. That is why they have to make themselves "appear" overpowering. The weakness is individual. Find it.
That true! But sometimes it hard to believe in that.
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Default Dec 07, 2018 at 05:10 PM
  #34
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One effect it had on me is, as an adult, I won’t take to being bullied. I’ll fight like hell. I’ll also defend others who are weaker.
That means a lot to me. I am currently being bullied on YouTube.
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Default Dec 07, 2018 at 05:12 PM
  #35
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I could use some help. I'm not familiar handling bullies and there are a few who are totally out of control. Is there a medicine they can take to settle them down?
It depends on whether or not they suffer from autism spectrum disorder, or some other kind of mental illness. Most of tea time the bullies are being bullied by someone else. They are taking there anger out on their victims.
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Default Dec 07, 2018 at 05:12 PM
  #36
I was bullied every day at school. I developed serious anxiety issues due to the bullying and even now cannot trust people irl.
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Default Dec 07, 2018 at 05:14 PM
  #37
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I think the culture of hypermasculinity makes it harder for the male victim. Especially if the bully is a girl and victim is a boy. It makes the boy feel more inadequate and makes the long term effects worse! I still feel shame and think about losing the fights to my sister and people’s reaction to me getting beaten up after so many years!
I completely understand how you feel! People don't realize that girls are can bullied just as a male can. Male can be a victim as well.
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Default Dec 07, 2018 at 05:15 PM
  #38
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I was bullied every day at school. I developed serious anxiety issues due to the bullying and even now cannot trust people irl.
I am the same way.
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Default Dec 10, 2018 at 07:46 PM
  #39
What matters is not where you start but where you end. I understand your regrets but your experience made you a more aware and stronger person. I can relate to having social anxiety and not being able to stand up to a bully (in my case emotional) especially if that person is much older than me. I'm glad you shared this story not just for you to find support, but to give encouragement to others. Thank you.
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Default Dec 30, 2018 at 01:16 AM
  #40
Words cant describe the amount of mental and emotional torture it brought me.
Caused anxiety issues and paranoid sz afterwards, though the latter diagnosis is questionable. But deep down, I am doing whatever it takes not to let it affect me again, and it can be a struggle most of the time.
I can relate to almost everything you said.
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