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KD1980
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Default Dec 30, 2018 at 02:43 PM
  #41
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Originally Posted by chrisinmd View Post
ust joined today. Glad to be among like minded people.

What brought me here today is I have been having issues dealing with bullying when I was in school and for a little bit after into my early 20's. 40 years old now so I don't feel this should be bothering me anymore. Not currently being abused or bullied in any way.

Anyway I was bullied like I said and I feel very guilty and ashamed of myself for not standing up for myself and preventing it from happening. My father and others told me to just fight back but I could not bring myself to do it. I feel like a complete coward.

I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety disorder in my mid 20's. So I know that was a big reason I was not able to stand up for myself. I was very anxious socially before the bullying started so it didn't cause the anxiety but im sure made it worse.

Im having intrusive thoughts about this and like I said Im 40 not and this has been over for almost 20 years. Cant anyone relate?

I guess what makes me feel guilty is I could have stopped it. Im a healthy male physically so I should have done something. Not a child who is beaten or a wife who is being abused. Anyway don't feel like much of a man.

Anyway any thought that can help or anyone that can relate?

Thanks for listening
I was also bullied, and I got victim blamed for it.

Through therapy, I learned to have self compassion. If you weren't able to defend yourself at the time, forgive yourself for it. It's not easy to stand up to bullies. They shouldn't have bullied you in the first place. Be gentle with your younger, more hurt self. You had social anxiety, which makes it so difficult to be assertive.
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Default May 20, 2019 at 02:28 PM
  #42
Thank you so much for this post! I just came to ask if it's normal to still be affected after 20 years... We are not alone.
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Originally Posted by Aviza View Post
I was bullied but my mom bv told me to ignore them and they'd get bored and stop. Didn't work, got worse. Wish someone would have told me to fight back.
It was the other way round for me. I got the **** beaten out of me for 2 years, physically and emotionally, never giving up a fight, until I decided I didn't care anymore. I acted as if nothing could hurt me for some time and they gave up. Must depend on the type of the bully you're up against.
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Default May 23, 2019 at 06:03 PM
  #43
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Originally Posted by chrisinmd View Post


Anyway any thought that can help or anyone that can relate?

Thanks for listening
The way I was bullied as an adult is different from the way I was bullied as a child.

Childhood - name-calling, teasing

Adulthood - being used or being pressured to cater to someone's demands, more advanced psychological manipulation (sarcasm, passive-aggressive attacks, etc.)

Therapy is always helpful.
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Default May 26, 2019 at 02:48 PM
  #44
Good post @ennie


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Default May 26, 2019 at 02:51 PM
  #45
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Originally Posted by KD1980 View Post
I was also bullied, and I got victim blamed for it.

Through therapy, I learned to have self compassion. If you weren't able to defend yourself at the time, forgive yourself for it. It's not easy to stand up to bullies. They shouldn't have bullied you in the first place. Be gentle with your younger, more hurt self. You had social anxiety, which makes it so difficult to be assertive.
Good post KD1980


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Default Jul 13, 2019 at 08:55 PM
  #46
Quote:
Originally Posted by chrisinmd View Post
ust joined today. Glad to be among like minded people.

What brought me here today is I have been having issues dealing with bullying when I was in school and for a little bit after into my early 20's. 40 years old now so I don't feel this should be bothering me anymore. Not currently being abused or bullied in any way.

Anyway I was bullied like I said and I feel very guilty and ashamed of myself for not standing up for myself and preventing it from happening. My father and others told me to just fight back but I could not bring myself to do it. I feel like a complete coward.

I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety disorder in my mid 20's. So I know that was a big reason I was not able to stand up for myself. I was very anxious socially before the bullying started so it didn't cause the anxiety but im sure made it worse.

Im having intrusive thoughts about this and like I said Im 40 not and this has been over for almost 20 years. Cant anyone relate?

I guess what makes me feel guilty is I could have stopped it. Im a healthy male physically so I should have done something. Not a child who is beaten or a wife who is being abused. Anyway don't feel like much of a man.

Anyway any thought that can help or anyone that can relate?

Thanks for listening
Yes I feel like this all the time!
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Default Oct 20, 2019 at 08:03 PM
  #47
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Originally Posted by Anonymous59898 View Post
I think you have to stand up to a bully. There are ways to do it that are not violent. The trick is to find the way. All bullies are really weak. That is why they have to make themselves "appear" overpowering. The weakness is individual. Find it.
I agree! That what I am trying to tell myself!
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