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Default May 08, 2020 at 02:09 PM
  #161
I wrote a whole letter to my abuser the other night. I won't give it to them of course, but sometimes to vent my anger without turning it into some huge drama, I'll write it out to say what I want to say.

One of the things I said was this: If I get married, you're not invited to the wedding. If I ever have children, you're not allowed near them. I don't want you to hurt anyone I love or who is precious to me. You will never hurt my loved ones the way you have hurt me. Ever. EVER.

I kind of feel like a monster for saying something like that, but man, I felt it so strongly.
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Default May 13, 2020 at 04:29 PM
  #162
Your selfish, evil acts set me on a path to never respect, love or care about myself. My whole life has been one abuse after another until I can no longer trust anyone I'm grateful that you couldn't destroy my family or the few close friends I maintain. Were you jealous of a happy healthy family? People who took you in to help you? You polluted our lives and it affects us all, right down to our own grandchildren. Why
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Default May 17, 2020 at 08:02 PM
  #163
"when you die, i will piss on your graves for how you treated me and that's a promise."
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Default May 18, 2020 at 01:20 PM
  #164
Actually, all of you SOB's who criminally abused me, aren't worth my thoughts, period! Byyeeeee....
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Default May 30, 2020 at 11:10 AM
  #165
Quote:
Originally Posted by shovelhead View Post
I hope you're living in utter squalor & filth. I hope your daily existence is pure Misery...
Hi Shovelhead,

I have been reading a few of your posts in this thread and feel for you. I have been saying a silent prayer in my heart that you get gifted some kind of emotional release or freedom from what happened to you. That comes from your soul. Like you get some sense of spiritual connection with it that makes what this person and what they did to you a powerless nothing ( along with then so you can see them for what they really are, a person of cowardice and weakness who has betrayed their own soul) faced with strength you find in your soul.
(P.S. I have found a lot of help from doing a meditation where I give up my problem to angels who "take it away"; also, I do Focusing in this meditation whereby I feel hurtful emotions in my body where we supposedly store our trauma ...also do visualizations of inner child work. There is also books on Inner Child art therapy that could help. More therapists are now doing therapy based on trauma stored in the body and processing it. ....I have found this helpful. And I truly believe in spiritual help and it is possible to feel a sense of the invulnerability of your own soul. ...Your self may never truly get over what was done to you as a helpless child, but your soul is untouched by what happens to your personality. And if you connect with it you could feel that same sense of being bigger than what any person could ever do to you. It could give some peace. Also, it will show you that your abuser is abused when they abused you. You have to be to do that to someone else. ...This goes past the physical side to things and shows you the emotions beneath it: people who don't believe in themselves or love themselves abuse others.

You most likely alread know that. But it is feeling it to be true, which you get from getting in connection with your soul, even just once for a split second. Abusers always feel a lack of love for themselves that until they attone for what the did to someone else, they will never cure. I know this for a fact.
I know it because I was shown it by my soul.

That's what you need. Since nothing less will do.
I pray for this to happen for you. ...I have been praying for it to happen again to my self with what I have been going through recently. It's a very elusive gift. ...Instead I am working towards it in my mediation and in other therapies. But I thought I'd tell you the truth of what is really happening in peoples' hearts, since I have seen what abusers really believe. My soul showed me. The one true source, nothing else is so real by comparison to it....and also in writing all this mean to remind my self because I forget what I learned all those years ago my self (wish it had been a stronger/longer connection,but oh well, so glad to have had it. I wish it for you).
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Default Jun 01, 2020 at 03:20 PM
  #166
HAHA! I searched your name...I see you're in PRISON! R.O.T...mofo!!!! I would like to read more details, but I'm busy! Looks like u got many years!!! What'd u do? Stay rotting.....I hope your sentence was LIFE
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Default Jun 01, 2020 at 04:29 PM
  #167
TO Member: Delphini......Thank you so much for your post & kind words/advice for me. I sent you a message. Anyways, LOOK at my old post u quoted, of mine. U picking that particular old post of mine, was prophetic, to say the very least!! What I wrote, meant for 1 abuser, " I hope you're living in utter squalor & filth. I hope your daily existence is pure Misery." So, I recently found out that specific abuser is doing hard time in a maximum security PRISON.Justice was served, many ways & probably alot more to come. I'm really thinking he committed some heinous crimes. He was pure evil.

Last edited by shovelhead; Jun 01, 2020 at 04:42 PM..
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Default Jun 01, 2020 at 08:33 PM
  #168
How could you offer to help a person in distressed? Then become hateful toward that person. Why bother speaking to the victim? If you are not interesting helping out?
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Default Jun 08, 2020 at 08:20 PM
  #169
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Originally Posted by Anonymous40643 View Post
I cannot forgive your words, but I forgive you for being such a broken and tormented person in your heart and soul that you have to say such cruel things to make yourself feel better. It's very sad and pathetic that in order to feel better about yourself, and in order to protect yourself from any blame and responsibility, that you have to hurt someone else and make it seem different than it truly was. Keep lying and fooling yourself. I know the real truth.
That describe my parents!
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Default Jun 08, 2020 at 08:32 PM
  #170
I'll never forgive you. I don't care about your circumstances, you still made that choice. I don't care that you've buried it so far down that you're confused as to why I hate you. If anything, you've burdened me more by making me remember each time I see your face how you don't want to remember what you did to me.
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Default Jun 08, 2020 at 08:49 PM
  #171
I forgive you all and love you all and I pray for you.

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When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield
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Default Jun 09, 2020 at 10:42 AM
  #172
What has happened has happened and I pray that you find peace to carry on and treat people with kindness and respect. Let me live my life on my own in peace and I'll do everything in my power to become a decent and stronger person.
 
 
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Default Jun 09, 2020 at 04:49 PM
  #173
You have forever made an impact in my life, you've caused more damage than ever imaginable. You taught me something, family isn't family. Family is something thrown around, something unrealistic and something unobtainable. Family is an excuse for us to make traumatizing decisions and get away with it. However, I'm dealing it with it, I'm trying too. One thing I do know is you'll never have control over me and my life again. I have to deal with the fact and live with the fact that you did this to me but that doesn't have to stop me from growing and being a better person. I'm still learning how to pick myself back up, but one day I will get there and I will come out stronger than ever. I don't need family, I need me and I deserve happiness, something you'll never feel for every time you go to register as a sex offender (highest one-highest level), every time you look yourself in the mirror, every day you're alive you have to deal with the fact you raped someone. You are everyone's worst night mirror, every father who has a daughter will hate you. You will have to carry the shame and guilt I carried for so many years.
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Default Jun 11, 2020 at 06:02 PM
  #174
I deserved better.
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Default Jun 14, 2020 at 02:34 PM
  #175
I wish you really loved us, and if you think you do, then go to a therapist because the way you treat us isn’t normal
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Default Jun 21, 2020 at 05:22 PM
  #176
I forgive you all and hope you have changed and have stopped abusing others I wish for you to develop true empathy,caring and love.
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Default Jul 03, 2020 at 09:23 PM
  #177
How come you can break the law and still work with kids? Even though your sexually harassing your own kids and you can still foster care kids?
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Default Jul 04, 2020 at 02:41 AM
  #178
There's still so much hate in my heart, from what happened. But what happened hasn't stopped me. I'm not ready to truly flip these feelings around on themselves and get rid of em'. That would mean a lot of vulnerability, and I can't be vulnerable right now. But the hate is there. I still have dreams and nightmares about it. When I have the capacity- and I will have it soon- you will be gone from my mind. And I won't have dreams about you. I won't consider you in my future. I'll be free. There's more to say about you. Not tonight, though. I think starting like this is progress enough for now.
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Default Jul 16, 2020 at 10:16 AM
  #179
Refer to them as PED !
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Default Jul 17, 2020 at 07:06 PM
  #180
I didn't deserve the abuse you subjected me to,I regret ever loving you.I am glad you are out of my life and I never have to be involved with you again.
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