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OutOfMyMind75
Officially diagnosed with PTSD and Depression
Member Since: Oct 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 32
12 hugs
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#241
I don't understand how you ever thought that what you did was okay. It is never okay. You have created an environment of isolation. I now suffer from depression, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, CPTSD. I started self harming because I didn't know what to do. I understand that I am blaming you for my actions against myself. I don't know if I will become sexually active because every time it crosses my mind, I think of you and what you did. I was 9, what made you think you could get away with it. I don't want you in my life, but at the same time I can't escape you.
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Fuzzybear, Open Eyes
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
Not a Unicorn, just another horse
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093
(SuperPoster!)
21.3k hugs
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#242
I am sorry, it's hard to know what to say sometimes because the last thing you want is to give the person who hurt you any more power over you.
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Wisest Elder Ever
Fuzzybear
has no updates.
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,300
(SuperPoster!)
81.2k hugs
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#243
Quote:
__________________ |
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Open Eyes
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
Not a Unicorn, just another horse
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093
(SuperPoster!)
21.3k hugs
given |
#244
I look at this thread a lot Fuzzy, and at times I definitely have a lot of anger and want to vent it out. Then I feel horrible because the person I loved and thought I could trust turned out to really not exist. I was played while my sister basically embezzled so much of my parent's money. She played that she cared, but what she was really after was the power and the money and manipulated things to avoid revealing what she had been taking.
I have been stuck between a lot of anger and at the same time deep grief. The last few years of my parent's lives were so hard on me. So many things I was not allowed to say, so many things my sister refused to let me know too. It was really traumatic when they were dying. I had not idea my sister could be that cruel the way she was with me. A part of me actually felt relief when they finally passed away. It felt selfish to feel that, but it freed me from enduring how toxic my sister was about hovering over me when I deserved to be able to say my goodbyes without experiencing that. Then once I got the accounting which my sister threatened me not to ask for, tried to even blackmail me if I did, what I finally learned was the "why" behind all her secrecy and terrible cruel behavior. She had been stealing their money in every way she could. She had manipulated her own parents, even let them go without to line her own pockets. When someone is this evil, showing anger is a waste, they actually enjoy it and will use it against you if they can. Never had I had anyone bait me as badly as my sister, my own sister that turned out to have this horrible dark side of her I had not realized was there. It will only give her a sense of enjoyment knowing I struggle and am angry. I do wish I had known about my mother's money, I would have caught on much sooner. Part of what made it hard to see all that money my sister took was that she failed to attend to important health needs that my father deserved to have and it did contribute to his getting sick. My sister kept saying there was no money, all the while she was withdrawing so much money for herself and her daughter. And she was bossy and mean to my parents too. They were afraid of her and I did not know the truth and I feel like I somehow failed them tbh. To make matters worse my sister manipulated my parents to think I was taking the money she herself took. She has done that with the accounting too. It can be hard to see how much someone you thought you could trust, thought you could love can want to hurt you and enjoy hurting you. Last edited by Open Eyes; Oct 23, 2020 at 01:45 PM.. |
Fuzzybear
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New Member
puurp
has no updates.
Member Since: Oct 2020
Location: coquitlam, canada
Posts: 2
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#245
I hope you know how much hurt you cause me everyday. I dread going home to you, a horrible home that I get yelled at everyday. You make me want to run away and go live on the streets, just like you say you will make me do. 2 B's on a midterm report card and you yell at me and say I will never go to university. You remind me everyday I will not go to university, even suggested that I will become a construction worker. You say that I can drop out of high school and live on the streets, when that is the opposite of what I want. What I really want is to get away from you.
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Fuzzybear, Open Eyes, OutOfMyMind75
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Wisest Elder Ever
Fuzzybear
has no updates.
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,300
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81.2k hugs
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#246
I have NOT found that ''parents'' go along with things and are tolerant. ''because after all, its family''...
The exact OPPOSITE in fact. One of the things they forced on me was to appear to be ''a quiet person'' I am NOT naturally ''a quiet person''...... Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr __________________ |
Open Eyes
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Wisest Elder Ever
Fuzzybear
has no updates.
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,300
(SuperPoster!)
81.2k hugs
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#247
Quote:
They are IDIOTS projecting insults onto you. I did go to University despite their lies and opposition.. Some people with very LOW emotional intelligence still seem to think that insulting and abusing their child will ''help them to be high achievers'' Or they could be intentionally malicious. I'm sorry you're going through this. Welcome to PC __________________ |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
Not a Unicorn, just another horse
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093
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21.3k hugs
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#248
Quote:
What triggers me is how because of that I am often not allowed to talk about the toxic aspects of a person that bothers me. It hits so close to home with me and things I experienced due to a toxic individual/individuals that were so unhealthy for me and yet I was not allowed to say anything or was punished when I did. There have been times where I have even been punished for saying something and instead expected to tolerate and be quiet. Times where I have been hated or shunned because someone else or a group wants to think it's ok and tolerate it. Even when it came to the lawyer that handled my lawsuit, he was mentally losing it and people did know and I could not get help to get rid of him until it got so obvious. He was a well known name, a good ole boy and no one wanted to mess with the fact that he did not want to retire. As a result I was stuck with him and instead of my case being resolved in two years it took NINE long years and I suffered due to that in so many ways. Truth is when a person is mentally declining they deny it, they can act the part, dress the part, look like they can do the part, but they CAN'T do the actual tasks. I was TRYING to talk about it but he was protected due to him being a good ole boy. The ptsd I suffered got so crippling. Then I had to deal with all the toxic my older sister had been creating so she could profit for HERSELF from my parents. She presented herself as the one to keep order and calm and that if anything got upsetting it was MY doing. She only ACTED like she was good an cared, but all that time she was extorting thousands. And hiding it through HER CHILDREN too. Or, accusing me for taking knowing full well it was herself. My sister is a gaslighter, covert narcissist and one of the most corrupt and mean individuals I have ever personally come across. There are times where a person can SEEM like they are something THEY ARE NOT and actually fool a lot of people. Things she did that were red flags were TOLERATED when in reality she was embezzling. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
Not a Unicorn, just another horse
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093
(SuperPoster!)
21.3k hugs
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#249
Also, in adding to my above post, when I said that I was thinking about the individual that posed a question. In thinking about this individual I thought about this individual's overall challenge even as a parent herself. In her particular situation she was trying to find the best way to support and help her daughter even though her daughter made choices she was not really ready to handle. Then I think about her mother and how there are things she hears even when she doesn't want to hear them that she finds offensive. I think about how her mother most likely doesn't care for it either but is just trying to be present for her family on a holiday.
For some, family gatherings can be very challenging. For some family gatherings can be too toxic to bear too. So it can be a challenge when it comes to deciding what to do when it comes to spending a holiday with one's family or agreeing to participate in family gatherings. |
Wisest Elder Ever
Fuzzybear
has no updates.
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,300
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81.2k hugs
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#250
There are times when a person can SEEM like someone they are not.
I could write a book (but do not wish to) regarding abusive individuals in the ''family'' of origin who EXACTLY fit that description. I was designated as the ''outcast'' as I was not a Malignant or Covert Narcissist as all of the rest of the ''family'' are. I was also something of a whistleblower. I noticed the abuse. I dared to speak. And it was all tossed back at me by the whole ''family'' (rather like some sick ''old boys network'' with lies, abuse and cover ups) __________________ |
Open Eyes
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Wisest Elder Ever
Fuzzybear
has no updates.
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,300
(SuperPoster!)
81.2k hugs
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#251
Quote:
''Good riddance'' to ''bad rubbish'' (thank you to a family member for ALL those cliches Get out of my life, jerk He is a pedophile too, Get out and STOP YOUR ABUSE __________________ |
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Open Eyes
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Wisest Elder Ever
Fuzzybear
has no updates.
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,300
(SuperPoster!)
81.2k hugs
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#252
How nice when a Narcissistic ''parent'' actually acknowledges and appreciates their child's ''talent'' instead of constantly putting them down. How wonderful if a Sociopathic ''parent'' appreciates their child AS IS. (not a freakin chance How fantastic if a ''parent'' offers LOVE and not neglect
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Grand Magnate
Marylin
has no updates.
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: England,UK
Posts: 3,017
863 hugs
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#253
I hated myself cos of you,you were a nasty,malicious bully,I hate you now,I can see clearly now you were a stupid larger lout,not a caring bone in your body.
Go **** yourself you moronic,malicious,narcissist,you are not wanted and I was stupid to ever think I loved you,you are a smelly piece of poop! |
Wise Elder
Buffy01
has no updates.
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,461
(SuperPoster!)
9,664 hugs
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#254
How could you come over and berate someone over what decorations they have in their bedroom and living room because you disapprove of what someone else has due to your own jealousy? How could berate someone you never met in your life or will never see again? You hurt my feelings. You made me feel bad about myself. You took all the hard progress I made in my life into nothing. Just because you are insecure about yourself and feel the need to bring other people down so you can feel better about yourself. I started hating everything about myself because of you.
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ShaneG
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
has no updates.
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,043
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3,617 hugs
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#255
You lying, cheating scumbag!
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
Member
BarefootBeach
has no updates.
Member Since: Oct 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 54
3 hugs
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#256
I look forward to the day I learn you are dead. You are one evil bastard. You did so much damage, knew it and took so much from me.
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
has no updates.
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,043
(SuperPoster!)
3,617 hugs
given |
#257
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
Wise Elder
Buffy01
has no updates.
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,461
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9,664 hugs
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#258
How could you come over and berate someone over watching a parades? Just because you don't want to watch it. You ruin the holiday every year. I don't even want to celebrate any more.
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
has no updates.
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,043
(SuperPoster!)
3,617 hugs
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#259
LOW LIFE. Now you hang your head low, and for what? To gain my sympathy and attention? I doubt you feel ANY shame, because you have NO conscience. You cheated, when you told me 100 times you never would. I told you today to never speak with me again unless it's absolutely necessary. So now it's the poor me routine with you? Pathetic, absolutely pathetic.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
Wise Elder
Buffy01
has no updates.
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,461
(SuperPoster!)
9,664 hugs
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#260
You do nothing but bully people with your narcissist way. All you do is cheat. All you do is steal. You make people feel so bad. No one can do anything right around you. You take your anger out on everyone. You threaten people.
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