Comparing your abuse to someone else's

01:08 AM

Am I wrong for feeling upset when someone dismisses the emotional abuse I received saying,

"Other people have gone through much worse situations"? (Referring to physical abuse cases).

I do acknowledge that other people have gone through much worse situations.

What's difficult for me is that when some people treat it like it's nothing (like I'm just whining).

starryprince · Oct 27, 2018 at 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ennie

Am I wrong for feeling upset when someone dismisses the emotional abuse I received saying,

"Other people have gone through much worse situations"? (Referring to physical abuse cases).

I do acknowledge that other people have gone through much worse situations.

What's difficult for me is that when some people treat it like it's nothing (like I'm just whining).

You're not wrong at all. I feel the same way when people tell me that others have had it worse. Emotional abuse is serious but it's not taken seriously.

No one likes to be invalidated and statements like those make it sound as if our voices are not being heard. I hear you. You're not alone.

downandlonely · Oct 27, 2018 at 02:12 PM

Emotional abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse in my opinion, but a lot of people don't understand that. I was emotionally abused by my brother, and it was very painful.

BettysGranddaughter · Oct 31, 2018 at 10:41 AM

Nope, not wrong at all. I was constantly told by members of my family (who didn't want to acknowledge what was happening) that what I went through was "not that bad." I eventually broke contact with those people, because I was tired of them making me feel like I was lying or invalidating my feelings.

I read somewhere once (I forget where) that the underlying goal of abusers is the same: to terrorize the child (or other victim), regardless of the type of abuse. So they will do whatever they need to do to terrorize you. Even if that abuse looks different than the abuse someone else went through, you were still terrorized.

Bill3 · Nov 01, 2018 at 11:48 AM

You’re not wrong.

I’m sorry that the abuse, and the dismissal of it, happened to you.

rebeka · Nov 01, 2018 at 11:24 PM

you are right. emotional abuse is terrible.
physical abuse is terrible.
Sexual abuse is terrible.
Cancer is terrible.
Neglect and poverty is terrible.
one terrible thing does not cancel out the other.
your pain is real.
Good luck!

dlantern · Nov 02, 2018 at 02:29 PM

Decide what actually is hurting about this. I think probably what is happening is you want it to come and someone to doctor you a person to go on a journey with you ....A forever friend at least until this transition dissolves....Other than that, weigh both sides of the argument are you getting something and try not to be selfish about it. Accentuate a positive here!

Nov 02, 2018 at 03:34 PM

Sorry to hear that Ennie. Emotional and Psychological abuse are serious issues especially when escalated and paired with more obvious forms of violence. Sounds like you're talking to the wrong person and it is possible downplaying your emotional trauma is your friend's way of protecting your story. Worst-case scenario, your friend may not have the emotional strength to give your story the attention it needs. My suggestion, find a way to vent your frustrations with your friend in a way he responds better to or find a different friend to make those steps with. Emotional exploration has been important to me and my healing process, so I say make the time for yourself that you need to continue your healing process. Good Luck

Mar 19, 2019 at 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ennie

Am I wrong for feeling upset when someone dismisses the emotional abuse I received saying,

"Other people have gone through much worse situations"? (Referring to physical abuse cases).

I do acknowledge that other people have gone through much worse situations.

What's difficult for me is that when some people treat it like it's nothing (like I'm just whining).

Absolutely not wrong in feeling upset when someone dismisses your experience with emotional abuse. The trick is to try to predetermine who to trust with that information. If someone invalidates your feelings, minimalizes your feelings when you share a sensitive personal story about your abuse history, you owe it to yourself to hold them accountable by telling them, "hey, what you said hurt my feelings." If they can't handle being held accountable, then they really aren't a good friend. Don't make excuses for these friends, who reject your need for emotional support.

I have to disagree with AB2371's advice to give your friends a break who reject you for sharing such private information, b/c they can't handle it. That's baloney. If they can't handle it, they are immature, self-absorbed people who totally lack empathy. They don't deserve your friendship if they are going to try to downplay or shame you for what you've gone through, b/c it makes them feel awkward or uncomfortable.

Albatross2008 · Mar 20, 2019 at 06:50 AM

There is no reason to compare cases. Apples and oranges. Abuse is abuse and damage is damage. It doesn't matter what form it takes. Somebody who dies from one cobra bite is just as dead as somebody who was bitten thirty times by that cobra.

sarahsweets · Mar 20, 2019 at 06:55 AM

Its terribly invalidating to dismiss anyone's abuse or pain as not being "as bad as" someone else's abuse or being "mild". I see this happen with death and grief sometimes too. Someone can lose their spouse and another person can lose their second cousin and there will be people who will actually downplay the pain of the person who lost their cousin as not being as bad as or as important as the person who lost their spouse. Pain and suffering are subjective and based on how we relate to one another.That is the beauty of being human beings. Abuse is also subjective in some ways as in- someone can experience physical abuse and be totally equipped to handle life on life's terms and someone can experience the same exact form of abuse and be utterly non-functional and devastated. Its all relative to the person. I also have a hard time when people try and compare abuses as if one kind is worse than the other. In AA we call those war stories or p*ssing contests. It simply does no good to sit around trying to differentiate and compare abuses. Support the abused and you will always be on the right path.

Fuzzybear · Mar 28, 2019 at 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ennie

Am I wrong for feeling upset when someone dismisses the emotional abuse I received saying,

"Other people have gone through much worse situations"? (Referring to physical abuse cases).

I do acknowledge that other people have gone through much worse situations.

What's difficult for me is that when some people treat it like it's nothing (like I'm just whining).

You’re not wrong at all for feeling upset by this. It’s not in the slightest bit helpful when someone says this sort of thing and is very invalidating.

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Comparing your abuse to someone else's

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downandlonely Legendary Member Since Mar 2018 Location: United States Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.6k hugs given	Oct 27, 2018 at 02:12 PM #3 Emotional abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse in my opinion, but a lot of people don't understand that. I was emotionally abused by my brother, and it was very painful.
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Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,924 15 24.1k hugs given	Nov 01, 2018 at 11:48 AM #5 You’re not wrong. I’m sorry that the abuse, and the dismissal of it, happened to you.
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rebeka Member Member Since Sep 2018 Location: New York Posts: 102 5 131 hugs given	Nov 01, 2018 at 11:24 PM #6 you are right. emotional abuse is terrible. physical abuse is terrible. Sexual abuse is terrible. Cancer is terrible. Neglect and poverty is terrible. one terrible thing does not cancel out the other. your pain is real. Good luck! __________________ rebeka
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dlantern Poohbah Member Since Feb 2017 Location: Logan Posts: 1,155 7 8 hugs given	Nov 02, 2018 at 02:29 PM #7 Decide what actually is hurting about this. I think probably what is happening is you want it to come and someone to doctor you a person to go on a journey with you ....A forever friend at least until this transition dissolves....Other than that, weigh both sides of the argument are you getting something and try not to be selfish about it. Accentuate a positive here!
	Reply With Quote

Albatross2008 Grand Poohbah Member Since Nov 2017 Location: USA Posts: 1,627 6 342 hugs given	Mar 20, 2019 at 06:50 AM #10 There is no reason to compare cases. Apples and oranges. Abuse is abuse and damage is damage. It doesn't matter what form it takes. Somebody who dies from one cobra bite is just as dead as somebody who was bitten thirty times by that cobra.
	Reply With Quote