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Old 02-08-2019, 01:16 PM #1
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Default Warning signs of abuse, peer version

I think reading professional articles on warning signs of abuse is helpful. But I also like the idea of "peer support" on PC, where we share our experiences and learn new perspectives from each other that someone who has not gone through it personally may miss.

Is there anything specific you learned about the warning signs of abuse that may be helpful for informing others?

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Old 02-08-2019, 11:02 PM #2
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Default Re: Warning signs of abuse, peer version

One of the most reliable signs I've come across is to watch what kind of humor they think is funny. If they use put-downs under the guise of "it's just a joke," or laugh at somebody else's misfortunes, that signals to me that they're not a very nice person.
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Old 02-09-2019, 07:33 AM #3
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Default Re: Warning signs of abuse, peer version

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life after 31 years of abuse;I wish everyone would read it. Did you know that with verbal abuse alone, that the brain can physically change?Every time we are under stress, the body releases cortisol; cortisol damages the immune system. I presented my paper, Society's Hidden Pandemic, Verbal Abuse;Precursor to Physical Violence and a form of Biochemical Assault. If anyone is interested in the paper, I would be glad to send it.
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Old 02-09-2019, 11:03 AM #4
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Default Re: Warning signs of abuse, peer version

I have also found they enjoy putting others down... they tend to quickly split others into perceived worthiness or unworthiness. Perceived usefulness to them or “not”? Good topic
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Old 02-09-2019, 11:46 AM #5
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Default Re: Warning signs of abuse, peer version

One of the warning signs I noticed was an abuser's constant attempt to isolate you. Even in a public place, she would attempt to find an opportunity to isolate me (such as approaching me as soon as I am alone, rather than being content with socializing as a group).

And no, it's not about catching up with me (as with a healthy person), as this is when the emotional manipulation happens.




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Old 02-09-2019, 01:22 PM #6
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Default Re: Warning signs of abuse, peer version

Rigid gender roles is a big red flag. "No wife of mine is going to have a job. I'm going to make my wife stay home with the kids." Um, nope.
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Old 02-09-2019, 05:30 PM #7
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Default Re: Warning signs of abuse, peer version

Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
I think reading professional articles on warning signs of abuse is helpful. But I also like the idea of "peer support" on PC, where we share our experiences and learn new perspectives from each other that someone who has not gone through it personally may miss.

Is there anything specific you learned about the warning signs of abuse that may be helpful for informing others?
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Old 02-09-2019, 07:25 PM #8
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Default Re: Warning signs of abuse, peer version

Tone of voice, inconsistent communication (verbal and non-verbal do not jive), condescending, short and changes subjects.

I watch for red flags and when there are several I trust my gut and shut the door.
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Old 02-09-2019, 07:47 PM #9
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Default Re: Warning signs of abuse, peer version

How about deliberately ignoring you? I had a boyfriend once, when I was 18 and he was 28, so he used my young age as an excuse to be condescending to me. Often I'd ask him a question, get no response, and think he didn't hear me. So I'd say his name and repeat my question, only for him to snap angrily, "Shut the (obscenity) up! I heard you the first time!" Then he may or may not answer my question. If he did, it was in an impatient, annoyed tone that suggested I was wrong for asking it.

I'm pretty sure that the reason I missed this as abusive behavior was because I grew up abused, and watching my mother get abused, so I thought it was normal male behavior. Which is why it's a good idea to talk about these signs. Yes, I'd say deliberately ignoring you is a good sign that somebody's going to be abusive.
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Old 02-09-2019, 11:27 PM #10
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Default Re: Warning signs of abuse, peer version

I would say being inconsistent with affection. Growing up, my mom was incredibly affectionate but my mom worked incredibly hard, being a single mom. So she was a housekeeper and stayed at her bosses' houses for a week. So my grandma took care of me and one minute she would be affectionate and then the next she would push me off of her when I would try to hug her, saying, "Get off of me!". I was a kid so I would laugh because I thought she was playing. She was creepy when she was affectionate and cold when she wasn't. When my mom noticed her abusive behavior, she immediately got a job that allowed her to come home everyday. I keep asking her, "What did my grandma do to make you do that?" She has never given me a straight answer...So I think she knows something I don't.

So yes, I would definitely say inconsistent displays of affection is a sign.
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