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Old 02-19-2019, 09:22 AM   #1
Marylin
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Default Trauma memories.

I am having memories come back of 2010.My narc sister was trying to drive me to suicide and let my mum's house get in a mess with years of stuff left lying around,I had neighbours that were trying to drive me out of my neighbourhood and set fire to my garden fence.The police took the neighbours side,she was young and blond and a mother,and I was ill mentally and lived alone,even though it is hard to set fire to the fence post if you are trying to the police believed her story that the fence went up on fire by accident when she discarded her cigarette.One minute she was out there smoking the next their is a crackling sound and my cats came to find me and were distressed and the neighbour had left her house and locked her doors.The fence was ablaze and the post burnt right through.The police said witnesses said I harrassed her and they tried to give me a caution and asked me to sign the papers,I ripped them up and refused to sign,she sets fire to the fence, arson and you caution me I said,no way.As soon as they turned up and found out my house wasn't council and I owned it,they took against me,they wanted me to be council so they could have me evicted on an anti social order,I asked them to get the fire brigade in to investigate how the fire started and they wouldn't,if I had set fire to the fence I'd be put in prison 10 years,she gets away with it!

Back at mum's place,I had to go stay there cos my neighbour's husband was threatening me and harassing me,my sister was trying to drive me mad and she was trying to wear my mum down and kill her too,she made the house look old and decrepid to get my mum to send loads of money on it,she pulled tiles off the wall and she left the smoke alarm bleeping,when I asked mum,why did she leave the smoke alarm bleeping she said my sister told her it was supposed to do that,the lying cow,she was trying to drive my mum mad.

I completely tidied and cleaned mum's house so that it wasn't chaotic,cos too much clutter drives me mad,but then when I went home,I found hoards of stuff hidden away and got it out to organise it in my house and there was so much clutter there wasn't room to move and it made me mentally ill but I was too ill and exhausted to tidy and take stuff to the tip,no transport ,no physical strength,no one to help,and me going crazy.I threw myself in front of a car,and the police came and threw me into the back of a prison van and took me to the mental hospital,they treated me like a criminal and were physically rough and verbally abusive to me.

The memories of all that are very painful,especially the police throwing me in a prison van when I was suicidal and traumatised and them letting my neighbour get away with arson.But the doctors at the hospital knew me and they let me stay there and come home everyday to sort my house out,and when my sister who told me to kill myself saw that I had help she started helping me too,she refused before,She even tried to come to my house when I was in psychosis and she wanted to shout so the whole neighbourhood could hear that my neighbour was a good woman and I hadn't been taking my tablets and had caused trouble,she took the neighbours's side,my own sister was against me.I thwarted her by refusing to let her into my house.

This was when I realised my own sister was a fascist and wanted to kill me or somehow undetected bring about my death.It was such a traumatising time,I was sectioned three times in 18 months and it was a nightmare to get my head straight and some of the hospital staff were abusive and provoked me,so they could inject me with tranquillisers,cos one staff nurse was a lesbian who got her kicks out of having women patients forceably held down and injected,she liked to watch that.

Later much later years later,I found out my sister was a narcissist and then I understood all the abuse and trying to hurt me, making me mentally ill,she had done that deliberately with the intention to cause me harm and bring about my death.She always used to say that she would never intentionally hurt me but it was calculated and deliberate,the arguments deliberately provoked to tire me out and drive me mad,the lies she told,always abusing me then denying she had done anything wrong,forgetting thing she had said that were nasty,deliberately forgetting,denying,controlling my every movement,refusing to let me be independent then saying I was dependent on her and incapable of managing on my own,yet she sabotaged all my attempts at independence.

All of these memories are upsetting me today.If I didn't have here to vent these memories would definitely make me ill.I feel like I don't matter,like no body cared and no body cares.I so very much want justice against my sister and my neighbour for the harm they caused me.
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Old 02-19-2019, 10:28 AM   #2
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Default Re: Trauma memories.

I am sorry for your trauma and I believe you when you say you were traumatized. Something that is nagging at me though is.. is there any chance your perceptions of things are a little off or skewed? I am not trying to be disrespectful or invalidating- what I mean is due to your mental illness and the abuse you suffered is it possible that you were looking at all things through the same filter? Almost like a bunch of things happened and because the abuse was so pervasive it seemed like every single thing that followed was part of a plot or that the world was going against you? I ask because I know that when I have been mentally unwell Certain things might happen and it seems that they pile on top of each other one by one. Without an objective eye because I was hurting and suffering I was unable to see things that maybe I was a part of or that maybe my perception of them was a little slanted. I hope I am explaining myself right. The trauma is real. The pain is real. The abuse is real and the mental illness is real. But maybe things that seem one way, are not that way? Like maybe your neighbor really did carelessly toss the cigarette rather than deliberately setting fire to your fence? What reason would she have for burning your fence?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marylin View Post
I am having memories come back of 2010.My narc sister was trying to drive me to suicide and let my mum's house get in a mess with years of stuff left lying around,I had neighbours that were trying to drive me out of my neighbourhood and set fire to my garden fence.The police took the neighbours side,she was young and blond and a mother,and I was ill mentally and lived alone,even though it is hard to set fire to the fence post if you are trying to the police believed her story that the fence went up on fire by accident when she discarded her cigarette.One minute she was out there smoking the next their is a crackling sound and my cats came to find me and were distressed and the neighbour had left her house and locked her doors.The fence was ablaze and the post burnt right through.The police said witnesses said I harrassed her and they tried to give me a caution and asked me to sign the papers,I ripped them up and refused to sign,she sets fire to the fence, arson and you caution me I said,no way.As soon as they turned up and found out my house wasn't council and I owned it,they took against me,they wanted me to be council so they could have me evicted on an anti social order,I asked them to get the fire brigade in to investigate how the fire started and they wouldn't,if I had set fire to the fence I'd be put in prison 10 years,she gets away with it!

Back at mum's place,I had to go stay there cos my neighbour's husband was threatening me and harassing me,my sister was trying to drive me mad and she was trying to wear my mum down and kill her too,she made the house look old and decrepid to get my mum to send loads of money on it,she pulled tiles off the wall and she left the smoke alarm bleeping,when I asked mum,why did she leave the smoke alarm bleeping she said my sister told her it was supposed to do that,the lying cow,she was trying to drive my mum mad.

I completely tidied and cleaned mum's house so that it wasn't chaotic,cos too much clutter drives me mad,but then when I went home,I found hoards of stuff hidden away and got it out to organise it in my house and there was so much clutter there wasn't room to move and it made me mentally ill but I was too ill and exhausted to tidy and take stuff to the tip,no transport ,no physical strength,no one to help,and me going crazy.I threw myself in front of a car,and the police came and threw me into the back of a prison van and took me to the mental hospital,they treated me like a criminal and were physically rough and verbally abusive to me.

The memories of all that are very painful,especially the police throwing me in a prison van when I was suicidal and traumatised and them letting my neighbour get away with arson.But the doctors at the hospital knew me and they let me stay there and come home everyday to sort my house out,and when my sister who told me to kill myself saw that I had help she started helping me too,she refused before,She even tried to come to my house when I was in psychosis and she wanted to shout so the whole neighbourhood could hear that my neighbour was a good woman and I hadn't been taking my tablets and had caused trouble,she took the neighbours's side,my own sister was against me.I thwarted her by refusing to let her into my house.

This was when I realised my own sister was a fascist and wanted to kill me or somehow undetected bring about my death.It was such a traumatising time,I was sectioned three times in 18 months and it was a nightmare to get my head straight and some of the hospital staff were abusive and provoked me,so they could inject me with tranquillisers,cos one staff nurse was a lesbian who got her kicks out of having women patients forceably held down and injected,she liked to watch that.

Later much later years later,I found out my sister was a narcissist and then I understood all the abuse and trying to hurt me, making me mentally ill,she had done that deliberately with the intention to cause me harm and bring about my death.She always used to say that she would never intentionally hurt me but it was calculated and deliberate,the arguments deliberately provoked to tire me out and drive me mad,the lies she told,always abusing me then denying she had done anything wrong,forgetting thing she had said that were nasty,deliberately forgetting,denying,controlling my every movement,refusing to let me be independent then saying I was dependent on her and incapable of managing on my own,yet she sabotaged all my attempts at independence.

All of these memories are upsetting me today.If I didn't have here to vent these memories would definitely make me ill.I feel like I don't matter,like no body cared and no body cares.I so very much want justice against my sister and my neighbour for the harm they caused me.
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Old 02-19-2019, 01:19 PM   #3
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Default Re: Trauma memories.

The fence post that got burned was 12 inches thick,my solicitor said it's unlikely the post caught fire from a discarded cigarette.Don't use my illness to blame my perceptions,you are so wrong about that.The neighbour wanted to drive me out of the neighbourhood for differences we had between us,she said so.Why comment if you are just going to question my perceptions and say I don't know what happened because I was mentally ill.You are as bad as all the other abusers ,I don't appreciate your input,leave me alone.
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Old 02-19-2019, 02:37 PM   #4
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Default Re: Trauma memories.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marylin View Post

All of these memories are upsetting me today.If I didn't have here to vent these memories would definitely make me ill.I feel like I don't matter,like no body cared and no body cares.I so very much want justice against my sister and my neighbour for the harm they caused me.
Venting is healthy. You are doing the right thing. May the higher power intervene to vindicate you against your sister.
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Old 02-19-2019, 05:10 PM   #5
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Default Re: Trauma memories.

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Marylin Just wanted to let you know that I've read your post and that I care about you. You didn't deserve to be treated that way at all. You're a wonderful person. Please remember that you do matter. We care about you here. We all love you here. We won't judge you here. I hope things will get better soon for you. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
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Old 02-20-2019, 04:34 PM   #6
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Default Re: Trauma memories.

This is horrendous. I am incredibly sorry you went through this. My sister is a narcissist too and I had to cut her out of my life. I know how it feels. What you went through is totally unfair and you didn't deserve it. I hope you can get professional therapy to cope with it.
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Old 02-23-2019, 11:35 PM   #7
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Default Re: Trauma memories.

Thanks to all of you for your support.I am sorry to hear that your sister is a narcissist too KD1980. Things are better now for me,I haven't had much to do with my sister for 5 years now.I cut her out of my life,she hoovered me ,getting me to talk to her by text supposedly about my mum's welfare,then she tried to buy her innocence by giving me money for my debts.Two years into cutting her out of my life she was letting herself into my house without my knowledge or permission,moving my furniture around and changing the photos in my photo frames,changing the walls that certain pictures were hung on,trying to mess with my head.Then I changed the lock so she couldn't get in but still somehow she got in,I think she got the code to the key safe by reading my mind,we are both telepathic.

So this coming month March I have arranged to install CCTV so that I can monitor who comes to the front door and tries to get in my house and those images will be recorded so I can report her to the police and prove it, if she tries to get in.I will be more reassured and have peace of mind then.She has caused me so much harm in the past even putting my life on the line.She planned and attempted to drive me to suicide many times making me severely mentally ill because of all the abusive behaviour towards me.

Last edited by Marylin; 02-23-2019 at 11:38 PM.. Reason: To add text.
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Old 02-24-2019, 12:01 AM   #8
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Default Re: Trauma memories.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I am sorry for your trauma and I believe you when you say you were traumatized. Something that is nagging at me though is.. is there any chance your perceptions of things are a little off or skewed? I am not trying to be disrespectful or invalidating- what I mean is due to your mental illness and the abuse you suffered is it possible that you were looking at all things through the same filter? Almost like a bunch of things happened and because the abuse was so pervasive it seemed like every single thing that followed was part of a plot or that the world was going against you? I ask because I know that when I have been mentally unwell Certain things might happen and it seems that they pile on top of each other one by one. Without an objective eye because I was hurting and suffering I was unable to see things that maybe I was a part of or that maybe my perception of them was a little slanted. I hope I am explaining myself right. The trauma is real. The pain is real. The abuse is real and the mental illness is real. But maybe things that seem one way, are not that way? Like maybe your neighbor really did carelessly toss the cigarette rather than deliberately setting fire to your fence? What reason would she have for burning your fence?

Hi SarahSweets,

I have to stand up for the OP (Marilyn) of this thread and say that your questioning the perception of a survivor is NOT supportive and is borderline abusive. When I read your post I actually got triggered too. I know what it is like when people use a mental illness against you in order to silence and or gaslight / distort reality. There is a word for it: Mentalism and or Sanism. I recommend looking those up.

While I understand your method of thinking, I can say for myself that I have been grossly invalidated by many abusers in the past. Nothing hurts worse than placing your heart on the table only to be met with similar mistreatment to the initial traumas. This is what is called invalidation and it can lead to secondary traumas. The OP is correct in asserting that this post is no different than abusers. (Not saying that you are an abuser, just being completely transparent and hoping you can learn from this).

On a side note:

Did you know that in regards to trauma, those who have been traumatized once are MORE likely than the general public to LEGITIMATELY re-experience the exact same trauma? Look up the Repetition Compulsion and Self Fulfilling Prophecy. Those terms should help shed light on what I am talking about. They are well documented and proven phenomenon's surrounding Trauma survivors, just like victim blaming and shaming. It is statistically proven and you can read about it in the (arguably) best literature for complex PTSD:

Complex PTSD: Surviving to Thriving - (Pete Walker)
Trauma and Recovery - (Judith Herman)

I am deeply saddened that survivors are treated this way on forums. This should never happen but unfortunately it is clear evidence that society has a long way to come before being able to effectively help and support those with trauma and mental illness.

Marilyn, I truly empathize with you. I experience this same mistreatment consistently from the same 6 people on this forum. You are not alone and please feel free to message me anytime you need support!

Thanks,
HD7970ghz
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Old 02-24-2019, 06:43 PM   #9
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Marylin...I too was stalked and abused by my neighbour for years and years. The CCTV is a great idea. I was finally able to have my neighbour arrested and sanctioned in court for the stuff he did.
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Old 02-25-2019, 06:33 PM   #10
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Marylin...I too was stalked and abused by my neighbour for years and years. The CCTV is a great idea. I was finally able to have my neighbour arrested and sanctioned in court for the stuff he did.

I am sorry for what you went through Quarter Life ,it is a nightmare to have to put up with hostile neighbours,what made it worse for me was they found out I had a history of mental illness and they were saying things to me like,we don't want people like you in the world,such a fascistic thing to say!I am glad you were able to get justice,mine got away with it,but eventually they moved out and I am still here.I erected fencing except for the fence panel and post they set fire to I made sure their landlord got them to pay for replacing that,it was likely to have been taken from their deposit when they left.Also to add insult to injury they were telling their odd job man and anyone who would listen that I burnt the fence myself which was an outrageous lie.
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