Disgusting (TW)

sadveiledbride · Feb 19, 2019 at 07:54 PM

I feel disgusting. I feel these things fly around inside me..... these bugs... they fly around inside me and eat my skin. They are a representation of everyone who hurt me and all the feelings of disgust and shame. I feel like it's all my fault. All of this makes me want to end myself. I feel so awful. I just had to vent somewhere. I wish they would've just killed me when they hurt me like that. I don't want to be here.

Raindropvampire · Feb 19, 2019 at 11:55 PM

I'm so sorry you feel it's your fault because it's not. I went through shame and self blame too. Then suddenly it hit me that I was a kid and these were adults who were supposed to protect me. And that's when shame and guilt was replaced by anger. Still trying to deal with the anger. But none of what happened to you was your fault at all. Please believe that and repeat it you are not to blame IF you ever need to talk feel free to PM me

sadveiledbride · Feb 20, 2019 at 12:49 AM

Thank you Rain

Feb 20, 2019 at 01:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sadveiledbride

I feel disgusting. I feel these things fly around inside me..... these bugs... they fly around inside me and eat my skin. They are a representation of everyone who hurt me and all the feelings of disgust and shame. I feel like it's all my fault. All of this makes me want to end myself. I feel so awful. I just had to vent somewhere. I wish they would've just killed me when they hurt me like that. I don't want to be here.

Feel free to message me anytime if you need someone to talk to.

Bill3 · Feb 21, 2019 at 11:15 PM

You’re not disgusting.

Mopey · Feb 21, 2019 at 11:27 PM

No sweetheart, you're not disgusting. They are.

PS - Not sure what happened to our chat, I sent a 2nd reply which didn't seem to go over, then it all disappeared off my phone, not sure why. Not very expert at this stuff.

Be well.

sadveiledbride · Feb 22, 2019 at 12:06 AM

Thank you Bill, Thank you Mopey.

cluelessgal · Feb 24, 2019 at 05:01 PM

Hey Sadveiledbride,

I'm so sorry you feel this way.

Healing takes time. It's a slow process. First there is shame, maybe disgust. The more you spend time thinking, there's anger. Then you relearn about yourself, your circumstances, your reaction on things....and then you start walking a new path.

Give it a little time. If you can, please read "The Body Keeps Score". It seemed pretty okay on first read....then on reading twice maybe thrice, I truly learned to appreciate the book. Ofcourse, solution-wise, the book is a little underwhelming, but you would learn a lot about yourself, your circumstances and your reactions.

Good Luck dear.

sadveiledbride · Feb 24, 2019 at 08:25 PM

I still haven't completely healed from my abuse but I'm getting there. Thanks for the book recommendation, I'll check it out. Your comment means a lot.

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Disgusting (TW)

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sadveiledbride Veteran Member Member Since Sep 2018 Location: ??? Posts: 738 5 830 hugs given	Feb 20, 2019 at 12:49 AM #3 Thank you Rain
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Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,924 15 24.1k hugs given	Feb 21, 2019 at 11:15 PM #5 You’re not disgusting.
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Mopey Magnate Member Since Oct 2018 Location: California Posts: 2,025 5 1,520 hugs given	Feb 21, 2019 at 11:27 PM #6 No sweetheart, you're not disgusting. They are. PS - Not sure what happened to our chat, I sent a 2nd reply which didn't seem to go over, then it all disappeared off my phone, not sure why. Not very expert at this stuff. Be well.
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sadveiledbride Veteran Member Member Since Sep 2018 Location: ??? Posts: 738 5 830 hugs given	Feb 22, 2019 at 12:06 AM #7 Thank you Bill, Thank you Mopey.
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sadveiledbride Veteran Member Member Since Sep 2018 Location: ??? Posts: 738 5 830 hugs given	Feb 24, 2019 at 08:25 PM #9 I still haven't completely healed from my abuse but I'm getting there. Thanks for the book recommendation, I'll check it out. Your comment means a lot.
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