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Old 02-19-2019, 06:54 PM #1
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Trig Disgusting (TW)

I feel disgusting. I feel these things fly around inside me..... these bugs... they fly around inside me and eat my skin. They are a representation of everyone who hurt me and all the feelings of disgust and shame. I feel like it's all my fault. All of this makes me want to end myself. I feel so awful. I just had to vent somewhere. I wish they would've just killed me when they hurt me like that. I don't want to be here.
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Old 02-19-2019, 10:55 PM #2
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I'm so sorry you feel it's your fault because it's not. I went through shame and self blame too. Then suddenly it hit me that I was a kid and these were adults who were supposed to protect me. And that's when shame and guilt was replaced by anger. Still trying to deal with the anger. But none of what happened to you was your fault at all. Please believe that and repeat it you are not to blame IF you ever need to talk feel free to PM me
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Old 02-19-2019, 11:49 PM #3
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Thank you Rain
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Old 02-20-2019, 12:18 AM #4
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Default Re: Disgusting (TW)

Quote:
Originally Posted by sadveiledbride View Post
I feel disgusting. I feel these things fly around inside me..... these bugs... they fly around inside me and eat my skin. They are a representation of everyone who hurt me and all the feelings of disgust and shame. I feel like it's all my fault. All of this makes me want to end myself. I feel so awful. I just had to vent somewhere. I wish they would've just killed me when they hurt me like that. I don't want to be here.
Feel free to message me anytime if you need someone to talk to.
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Old 02-21-2019, 10:15 PM #5
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Default Re: Disgusting (TW)

You’re not disgusting.

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Old 02-21-2019, 10:27 PM #6
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Default Re: Disgusting (TW)

No sweetheart, you're not disgusting. They are.

PS - Not sure what happened to our chat, I sent a 2nd reply which didn't seem to go over, then it all disappeared off my phone, not sure why. Not very expert at this stuff.

Be well.
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Old 02-21-2019, 11:06 PM #7
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Default Re: Disgusting (TW)

Thank you Bill, Thank you Mopey.
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Old 02-24-2019, 04:01 PM #8
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Default Re: Disgusting (TW)

Hey Sadveiledbride,


I'm so sorry you feel this way.


Healing takes time. It's a slow process. First there is shame, maybe disgust. The more you spend time thinking, there's anger. Then you relearn about yourself, your circumstances, your reaction on things....and then you start walking a new path.


Give it a little time. If you can, please read "The Body Keeps Score". It seemed pretty okay on first read....then on reading twice maybe thrice, I truly learned to appreciate the book. Ofcourse, solution-wise, the book is a little underwhelming, but you would learn a lot about yourself, your circumstances and your reactions.


Good Luck dear.
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Old 02-24-2019, 07:25 PM #9
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Default Re: Disgusting (TW)

I still haven't completely healed from my abuse but I'm getting there. Thanks for the book recommendation, I'll check it out. Your comment means a lot.
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