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Old 03-08-2019, 07:12 PM   #1
CrystalGirlx
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Default Any advice?

I am currently pregnant(some of you may know) and I am dealing with splitting from a malignant narcissist. He will not accept any texts from me, only phone calls. I have tried to text him pictures of the baby's ultrasound, he will not respond. I also tried to text him after I found out the sex, and he threatened to go to the police.

He just tells me he isn't into texting me anymore and that once the child is born we will take a DNA test and "take it from there". Problem is, at this point, I don't want to just "take it from there". His mental state is seriously alarming me. He will call me almost every morning asking me if I am okay or telling me he loves me and then he will immediately snap and become very aggressive and nasty. He had a rather loving conversation with me this morning about meeting and taking me out to dinner and then I texted him the baby was no longer measuring small and he didn't respond. I was wondering if he got the message, and called him and this is how it went:

Me: Hey did you get the text the service in the building is bad?
Narc: Yep.
Me: You...didn't respond.
Narc: Well I am now what's up?
Me: Uh, well yeah they said the baby is bigger than average. I know you were worried with me when we found out about the chance it could be a preemie.
Narc: Please just don't text me anymore. You can call me. That's it!

When he picked me up he was cold, barely spoke to me, and then we went for coffee and he made me pay for his coffee. A huge change from an "I love you let me take you out". I mean I don't mind paying for a three dollar coffee but as soon as we ordered he began staring at me saying "got any moolah?" I was kind of taken back, and said "I thought you were taking me to dinner?" He snarkly responded "things changed". There was no reasoning behind this sudden outburst other than the fact I told him his stipulation regarding me not texting him was ridiculous.

The thing that disturbs me is the constant mood changes. I am actually fearful of him at this point. I plan on changing my phone number tonight. I have an appointment to meet with a custody attorney for some guidance this week. I can understand him not accepting abusive text messages, but he flat out ignored photos from the ultrasound and me telling him the baby was healthy. Yet now, he expects to just magically take a DNA test and be a father in 4 months.
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Old 03-08-2019, 07:34 PM   #2
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Default Re: Any advice?

Does he use drugs, drink, or OD on prescription med.? Do you think he could be under the influence of something?
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Old 03-08-2019, 07:45 PM   #3
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Default Re: Any advice?

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Originally Posted by ennie View Post
Does he use drugs, drink, or OD on prescription med.? Do you think he could be under the influence of something?
He definitely drinks. Yet I am the one who ended up with a DWI before the pregnancy

The entire situation was disturbing. He calls me to see if I am okay, then I text him after my anatomy scan only to have him threaten me with the police if I text him again. He calls me this morning (he sounded manic) saying he loved me and wanted to take me out. Then he makes me buy him coffee and wont respond to texts.

I think he needs medication to level himself out, and he is not getting treated so his behavior becomes more and more bizarre.
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Old 03-08-2019, 08:42 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CrystalGirlx View Post
He definitely drinks. Yet I am the one who ended up with a DWI before the pregnancy

The entire situation was disturbing. He calls me to see if I am okay, then I text him after my anatomy scan only to have him threaten me with the police if I text him again. He calls me this morning (he sounded manic) saying he loved me and wanted to take me out. Then he makes me buy him coffee and wont respond to texts.

I think he needs medication to level himself out, and he is not getting treated so his behavior becomes more and more bizarre.
Have you thought about telling him that you need to go no-contact with him until he starts therapy? That would give you a break from his abuse, and may serve as a wakeup call to him to seek therapy.
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Old 03-08-2019, 08:59 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
Have you thought about telling him that you need to go no-contact with him until he starts therapy? That would give you a break from his abuse, and may serve as a wakeup call to him to seek therapy.
He seriously just doesn't care. I told him once he needs to seek counseling and he told me to F off and he was happy with his life and I was the one with hate in my heart.

My biggest fear is custody now. I have a DWI on my record and I live in a one bedroom apartment. I don't want to lose custody to this person. I don't know if it helps at all that I am half his age with parents to assist me with child care. He is 54-years-old and lives alone.
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Old 03-09-2019, 02:06 AM   #6
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Default Re: Any advice?

I personally would just stop talking to him altogether...if he wants info about the baby then he can reach out but do not volunteer anuything and changing your number is a good idea. He is acting like a jerk so its good that you are going to see a lawyer. You wouldnt want someone that unstable around your baby right?
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Old 03-17-2019, 06:15 PM   #7
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Default Re: Any advice?

Oh,God,I was nodding my head like hell in recognition of the
insanity . . . .yes,insanity,that's what they are.My x used to go into those raging looks,and I would be wondering what the hell for!!??? Read,"Narcissism",by Doctor Alexander Lowen,to reveal all.Meanwhile,please avoid him,for your sanity!
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Old 03-17-2019, 06:33 PM   #8
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Default Re: Any advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CrystalGirlx View Post
I am currently pregnant(some of you may know) and I am dealing with splitting from a malignant narcissist. He will not accept any texts from me, only phone calls. I have tried to text him pictures of the baby's ultrasound, he will not respond. I also tried to text him after I found out the sex, and he threatened to go to the police.

He just tells me he isn't into texting me anymore and that once the child is born we will take a DNA test and "take it from there". Problem is, at this point, I don't want to just "take it from there". His mental state is seriously alarming me. He will call me almost every morning asking me if I am okay or telling me he loves me and then he will immediately snap and become very aggressive and nasty. He had a rather loving conversation with me this morning about meeting and taking me out to dinner and then I texted him the baby was no longer measuring small and he didn't respond. I was wondering if he got the message, and called him and this is how it went:

Me: Hey did you get the text the service in the building is bad?
Narc: Yep.
Me: You...didn't respond.
Narc: Well I am now what's up?
Me: Uh, well yeah they said the baby is bigger than average. I know you were worried with me when we found out about the chance it could be a preemie.
Narc: Please just don't text me anymore. You can call me. That's it!

When he picked me up he was cold, barely spoke to me, and then we went for coffee and he made me pay for his coffee. A huge change from an "I love you let me take you out". I mean I don't mind paying for a three dollar coffee but as soon as we ordered he began staring at me saying "got any moolah?" I was kind of taken back, and said "I thought you were taking me to dinner?" He snarkly responded "things changed". There was no reasoning behind this sudden outburst other than the fact I told him his stipulation regarding me not texting him was ridiculous.

The thing that disturbs me is the constant mood changes. I am actually fearful of him at this point. I plan on changing my phone number tonight. I have an appointment to meet with a custody attorney for some guidance this week. I can understand him not accepting abusive text messages, but he flat out ignored photos from the ultrasound and me telling him the baby was healthy. Yet now, he expects to just magically take a DNA test and be a father in 4 months.
Make a list and stick with it, to remove yourself completely from your narcissist husband.

1. Meet with the custody attorney and file whatever paperwork you need to keep custody of your child.

2. Change the location of your birth plan/hospital/name of doctor so that your husband can't be there to possibly harm you or your baby while you give birth.

3. Do not share information about your birth plan etc. with friends or family, esp. since they will tell your husband this information.

4. Change your phone number. Create a new email address (you can easily transfer your current emails to your new email address).

5. Block your husband from all social media accounts.

6. Do not contact him anymore. If you are trying to remove him from your life, staying in contact with him will not accomplish that. He will only continue his abuse and that is not what you need while you are pregnant.

While you are pregnant, you have to put the health and life of your baby FIRST, ahead of your own. The more you engage with this toxic man, the more stress you put on your body, and that will effect your baby's health as he/she grows inside of you. So, please consider either cutting off 100% contact with your husband (or partner) at this point, if you don't want him in your child's life.

I know it's easier said than done. But I think if you come up with a plan and stick with it, you can safely remove him from your life. You also need to know who you can trust within your circle of friends and family about your plan, otherwise they can be an obstacle instead of supporter.
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Old 03-19-2019, 07:17 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CrystalGirlx View Post
He seriously just doesn't care. I told him once he needs to seek counseling and he told me to F off and he was happy with his life and I was the one with hate in my heart.

My biggest fear is custody now. I have a DWI on my record and I live in a one bedroom apartment. I don't want to lose custody to this person. I don't know if it helps at all that I am half his age with parents to assist me with child care. He is 54-years-old and lives alone.
Ok, then that's it. I'd just go no contact with him.
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