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Old 03-12-2019, 11:56 AM   #21
HD7970GHZ
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Default Re: Terrifying Fear of Independence

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The remedy to my toxic relationship is to end it. This means being alone. I have never done this before in my life. I am in my 50ís and not ok in so many areas; physically, emotionally (many reasons why perhaps?). Iím truly terrified.

I canít even pinpoint what it is that terrifies me so.

The worst is I will not have the strength and resilience to survive (my own depression). But, I have shown that strength already while suffering through the hell Iíve been living. Hmmmm

Hi Tishabuv,

My heart goes out to you. It is so hard to break free from toxic relationships especially when we rely on them still. Ideally we can build alternative supports prior to breaking free - but that is not always possible.

I want you to know that I have had to break free from toxic relationships. While it seemed counterintuitive due to the amount of distress and loss, what made it possible was alternative supports who helped me in the transition. In the end -it was worth it for me. And in so doing, those toxic relationships that I could not run away from completely (family) improved as a result of time away.

I believe you know what is best for you. If you believe your health is at stake, ending the toxic relationship must happen eventually.

I hate asking this but are you familiar with dependent personaloty disorder? I have traits of it. It definitely played a role in keeping me sucked into toxic relationships. Is that something you relate to?

Thanks,
Hd7970ghz
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Old 03-13-2019, 07:29 AM   #22
TishaBuv
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Default Re: Terrifying Fear of Independence

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Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ View Post
Hi Tishabuv,

My heart goes out to you. It is so hard to break free from toxic relationships especially when we rely on them still. Ideally we can build alternative supports prior to breaking free - but that is not always possible.

I want you to know that I have had to break free from toxic relationships. While it seemed counterintuitive due to the amount of distress and loss, what made it possible was alternative supports who helped me in the transition. In the end -it was worth it for me. And in so doing, those toxic relationships that I could not run away from completely (family) improved as a result of time away.

I believe you know what is best for you. If you believe your health is at stake, ending the toxic relationship must happen eventually.

I hate asking this but are you familiar with dependent personaloty disorder? I have traits of it. It definitely played a role in keeping me sucked into toxic relationships. Is that something you relate to?

Thanks,
Hd7970ghz
DPD has similar traits to BPD which has similar traits to C-ptsd. Itís so confusing how all these overlap and mimic each other.

One thing I read on DPD is the fear that you wonít be able to care for yourself due to such severe depressionó yes, thatís the root of my fear!
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Old 03-13-2019, 10:10 PM   #23
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Thumbs up Re: Terrifying Fear of Independence

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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
I did it. Heís out of the house. Itís over.
Well thatís a great turn of events!!!

Separation is the hardest part. The other hardest part is learning to live life without having the abuser live as a shadow on your shoulder yelling in your ear every time you think about making a decision. I separated 18 months ago and itís been hard evicting the shadowóand thereís no reason I need to worry about what sheíll think... except... I became so used to thinking that way... 24/7 ... and when I forgot there was hell to pay so it had to be 24/7...

In some ways living with an abuser is a great distraction because I had no opportunity to think about anything else except the chaos around me. But freedom means I have the opportunity to heal. Yeah, itís a little lonely at times, and I look around and think that at 58 I should probably have had other plans in life, but here I am and itís so much better than it was 2 years ago.

The other stuff óthat happens little by little...
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Old 03-14-2019, 03:31 AM   #24
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Default Re: Terrifying Fear of Independence

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For someone who was diagnosed with a few different psychological conditions, by different MDs, I certainly stood up for myself, by myself, and Iím ok at the present. No therapist. Family literally abandoned me. I may be down, but Iím not yet out.
This morning, I was thinking about how proud I am of you for standing up for yourself.
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