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Old 03-09-2019, 03:50 AM   #1
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Trig Terrifying Fear of Independence

The remedy to my toxic relationship is to end it. This means being alone. I have never done this before in my life. I am in my 50ís and not ok in so many areas; physically, emotionally (many reasons why perhaps?). Iím truly terrified.

I canít even pinpoint what it is that terrifies me so.

The worst is I will not have the strength and resilience to survive (my own depression). But, I have shown that strength already while suffering through the hell Iíve been living. Hmmmm
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Old 03-09-2019, 05:17 AM   #2
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Default Re: Terrifying Fear of Independence

There is quite a chance that it could have to do with early childhood experiences. In my case it was for sure, as I had a poor attachment(anxious-ambivalent) with my depressive mother and a little kid. But there could be also other reasons for it. What helped me a lot to work with EMDR on this issue.
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Old 03-09-2019, 05:55 AM   #3
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Default Re: Terrifying Fear of Independence

Can you set up a support system of family/friends/therapist ahead of time so they are ready to help you?
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Old 03-09-2019, 06:22 AM   #4
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Default Re: Terrifying Fear of Independence

The reason I waited so long to get a divorce.....31 years,was the fear of being alone. Ihave now been alone for 18 years! It gets a little easier...little by little. I was in my 50's when I got the divorce (31 years of abuse)...The one sentence that helped me the most : "Try to let the side of you that is trying to save yourself....win." I had to figure out paying bills, car stuff, home maintenance.....It was the fear of the unknown. It took all of the courage I had to leave, so I understand your feelings. If you wish, you can pm me. xo
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Old 03-09-2019, 06:27 AM   #5
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Default Re: Terrifying Fear of Independence

You say you have "terrifying fear". Somehow, that is what you need to treat. Fear makes us run or freeze and sometimes if our fear is strong then we either do (want to run instead or stand up inappropriately) or don't (stay when we should leave) do things based on fear causing us not to make the best decisions. Treat the fear and perhaps you won't feel as "stuck".
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Old 03-09-2019, 04:09 PM   #6
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Default Re: Terrifying Fear of Independence

Quote:
Originally Posted by gmts View Post
There is quite a chance that it could have to do with early childhood experiences. In my case it was for sure, as I had a poor attachment(anxious-ambivalent) with my depressive mother and a little kid. But there could be also other reasons for it. What helped me a lot to work with EMDR on this issue.
I have a history of all sorts; early childhood, heredity. The last psy I saw recommended I go elsewhere to get EMDR. I didnít do it. Maybe I will look further into doing it and what it is. Thank you for the suggestion.
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Old 03-09-2019, 04:13 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Can you set up a support system of family/friends/therapist ahead of time so they are ready to help you?
I lost my family ďsupport systemĒ in September. It is probably a healthier way for me to be, anyway. My FOO, who I thought very highly of and thought I was a very good daughter and sister, turned out to really be a bunch of stinkers.

I am really alone in all this. PC is my lifeline.
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Old 03-09-2019, 04:14 PM   #8
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Default Re: Terrifying Fear of Independence

Quote:
Originally Posted by nicoleflynn View Post
The reason I waited so long to get a divorce.....31 years,was the fear of being alone. Ihave now been alone for 18 years! It gets a little easier...little by little. I was in my 50's when I got the divorce (31 years of abuse)...The one sentence that helped me the most : "Try to let the side of you that is trying to save yourself....win." I had to figure out paying bills, car stuff, home maintenance.....It was the fear of the unknown. It took all of the courage I had to leave, so I understand your feelings. If you wish, you can pm me. xo
Itís really encouraging for me to hear this. You are inspirational to me, Nicole.
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Old 03-09-2019, 04:15 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Nowinners View Post
You say you have "terrifying fear". Somehow, that is what you need to treat. Fear makes us run or freeze and sometimes if our fear is strong then we either do (want to run instead or stand up inappropriately) or don't (stay when we should leave) do things based on fear causing us not to make the best decisions. Treat the fear and perhaps you won't feel as "stuck".
I did it. Heís out of the house. Itís over.
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Old 03-09-2019, 04:16 PM   #10
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Default Re: Terrifying Fear of Independence

You never know how much strength and how high is your self esteem, until you really need it!
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