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Old 03-18-2019, 10:17 AM #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche View Post
With all due respect, both you and Sarah are wrong in this case. He definitely fits many of the traits that narcissists have. And labels are how we operate in society, so to say that labels shouldn't be the primary focus is very short-sighted. Labels are necessary.



To put it in terms you'd understand: how would you know what type of disease you have, unless your doctors have a label for it? You wouldn't know. How do you know which type of medication to take for which disease? Without a label? You wouldn't know, would you.



So, labels ARE necessary. It's how we function in society. We label everything. Without labels there is just chaos and disorder.



So, I am sorry but I think you and Sarah are so far off base, you're not even at the same game so to speak.



I do agree with your perception that I displayed boundaries he didn't want to respect. In that aspect, you are correct.


Yes labels are important but I think my question is are you qualified to label someone just because of an encounter you may have had ? Maybe you have more information to offer on the relationship you had with this person and if thatís the case then my apologies to you for disagreeing. But when I said the label was used too much or however I said it, I meant by people that are not a part of mental health treatment or the mental health field.
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Old 03-18-2019, 10:29 AM #12
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Default Re: Narcissist encounter

My observation is that styles of desirable behavior have changed for courting/mating rituals today. Now this guy is 60, so he is my contemporary. Iím in my early 50ís.

In my single days of dating, there were men, especially Hispanic, Italian, ethnic, etc... They were very take charge assertive. Iím not sure how that machismo would be viewed today. The behavior you described with this guy was a bit of that old school swagger IMHO.

Also, how he backpeddled to say he was only interested online, strikes me as his way of avoiding some awkward rejection scenario with you. Those mixed messages were because one of you wasnít attracted. Or, heís just being a player who wants to try to set you up for being his back up plan. Good you didnít let him!
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Old 03-18-2019, 11:16 AM #13
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Default Re: Narcissist encounter

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post




Yes labels are important but I think my question is are you qualified to label someone just because of an encounter you may have had ? Maybe you have more information to offer on the relationship you had with this person and if thatís the case then my apologies to you for disagreeing. But when I said the label was used too much or however I said it, I meant by people that are not a part of mental health treatment or the mental health field.
Are you qualified to tell me that I'm wrong? No, you're not. We are just people with information. That's fine if you and OCD disagree with me b/c you are entitled to your opinion. But to blatantly dismiss the evidence I use to back-up my opinion, is disrespectful and frankly, RUDE.

I don't have to have a degree in mental health, to inform myself about narcissism, and know when I recognize the signs of it in someone. I think you attacked me here in my own thread, and are now backtracking.

So you are going on ignore now.
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Old 03-18-2019, 11:19 AM #14
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Default Re: Narcissist encounter

Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
My observation is that styles of desirable behavior have changed for courting/mating rituals today. Now this guy is 60, so he is my contemporary. Iím in my early 50ís.

In my single days of dating, there were men, especially Hispanic, Italian, ethnic, etc... They were very take charge assertive. Iím not sure how that machismo would be viewed today. The behavior you described with this guy was a bit of that old school swagger IMHO.

Also, how he backpeddled to say he was only interested online, strikes me as his way of avoiding some awkward rejection scenario with you. Those mixed messages were because one of you wasnít attracted. Or, heís just being a player who wants to try to set you up for being his back up plan. Good you didnít let him!
Well, he definitely fits the trademarks of a narcissist, as I pointed out. I'm really shocked by how all of the posters in my thread have invalidated my research about it here. It's really disheartening to me, that no one respects my opinion even when I use research and evidence to back it up that shows I'm actually spot on about this guy. Wow.

Amazed by how everyone is defending this guy and putting me down.
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Old 03-18-2019, 11:24 AM #15
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Thatís fine to ignore me and to tell me that I am wrong and you are right simply because you disagree with me. Iíll stand by what Iím saying : people label other people as narcissists when they shouldnít. Professionals can do that and we can wonder about narcissistic traits but I donít think itís right to just evaluate an encounter with someone from an online Facebook group and go right to narcissism. And people with personality disorders are not lost causes and shouldnít be reduced to some slapped on label by someone who had a bad experience. Itís insensitive. I am aware that narcissistic people can create pain and devastation in their wake. Iím not trying to defend the behaviors or the pain that a narcissist can inflict. Iím just saying itís not right labeling people with things. I wouldnít want someone to label someone who is ďmoodyĒ as bipolar. It encompasses more than moods. I am not a professional so itís not my job to diagnose someone.
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Old 03-18-2019, 12:36 PM #16
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Hello StreetcarBlanche,

first I want to say that I really like your profile name and photo! I studied 'A Streetcar Named Desire' many years ago and you brought back a fond memory for me. I thank you for that.

I also thank you for sharing your truth. That is not easy for anyone to do and I think it can be a very valuable part of healing. Well done!

I am so sorry that you have experienced abuse. The examples you provided of previous partners in your life...that was not okay and it was not your fault. You deserved and continue to deserve peace, unconditional love, and safety.

May I ask if you ever spoke with a therapist after your previous relationships...for some support with healing and coping strategies? That has really helped me.

With regard to the man you recently went out with, I think you are wise to move on. I would suggest chalking it up to something you tried which did not work out. Sometimes I think when we endeavor to try to interpret someone else's internal state and motivations, we can burn our energy without finding the peace we desire and deserve. We can never truly know what is in someone else's mind or soul, right? Just as you are the only person who knows your own mind and soul. I can see that you have been deeply hurt in your life and you want to protect yourself. That is natural and understandable. I've been there too!

I am wondering what would bring you a sense of peace and safety. Have you thought about that? I think bringing your thoughts and focus back to you will be a source of strength and power for you. That man wasn't the right partner for you. That's okay. He'll go on and live his life and you'll live yours. I am wondering what may help you to move forward? Perhaps you'd like to talk with a therapist about your most recent date?

I wish you peace. I hope you find what you are seeking in life

(Hope you enjoy this quote)
ďWhat is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it's curved like a road through mountains.Ē
― Tennessee Williams, A Streetcar Named Desire

Last edited by SilverTrees; 03-18-2019 at 12:57 PM.
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Old 03-18-2019, 12:47 PM #17
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Default Re: Narcissist encounter

Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche View Post
Well, he definitely fits the trademarks of a narcissist, as I pointed out. I'm really shocked by how all of the posters in my thread have invalidated my research about it here. It's really disheartening to me, that no one respects my opinion even when I use research and evidence to back it up that shows I'm actually spot on about this guy. Wow.

Amazed by how everyone is defending this guy and putting me down.

I had not read the entire thread StreetcarBlanche. I am sorry that you are feeling disheartened and invalidated. Those are not nice feelings at all. How can we help you here on PC? Sometimes, especially with the online limitations, people need to give us a pointer or two on the right type of support for them. Everyone is different. What do you need from us StreetcarBlanche in order to feel supported?
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Old 03-18-2019, 01:01 PM #18
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Default Re: Narcissist encounter

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverTrees View Post
I had not read the entire thread StreetcarBlanche. I am sorry that you are feeling disheartened and invalidated. Those are not nice feelings at all. How can we help you here on PC? Sometimes, especially with the online limitations, people need to give us a pointer or two on the right type of support for them. Everyone is different. What do you need from us StreetcarBlanche in order to feel supported?
I was hoping to hear from others who've dated narcissists or interacted with them as friends, coworkers, family members, etc. Narcissism is not a trend, it's a reality. And the posters who responded on my thread completely ignored my post where I directly link the guy's behavior to narcissistic traits, and ignore the link to the article that explains narcissistic traits in people in general.

It seems like with these forums, people tend to disregard what the thread starter is asking and don't directly respond to that as has happened with my thread.

I don't need dating advice. I don't need to be told to go to therapy. What I hoped for, was a conversation with other posters about narcissism. But that's not what I received here.

If anyone has direct experience with narcissists and is interested in responding to my thread, that's what I am looking for.
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Old 03-18-2019, 01:07 PM #19
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Default Re: Narcissist encounter

Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche View Post
I was hoping to hear from others who've dated narcissists or interacted with them as friends, coworkers, family members, etc. Narcissism is not a trend, it's a reality. And the posters who responded on my thread completely ignored my post where I directly link the guy's behavior to narcissistic traits, and ignore the link to the article that explains narcissistic traits in people in general.

It seems like with these forums, people tend to disregard what the thread starter is asking and don't directly respond to that as has happened with my thread.

I don't need dating advice. I don't need to be told to go to therapy. What I hoped for, was a conversation with other posters about narcissism. But that's not what I received here.

If anyone has direct experience with narcissists and is interested in responding to my thread, that's what I am looking for.
Thank you very much for clarifying that StreetCarBlanche. I apologize for my unhelpful post. I know very little about narcissism so I don't think I will be much help to you on your thread here. I will refrain from posting again. I wish you peace. Best wishes with your exploration of narcissism.
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Old 03-18-2019, 01:57 PM #20
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Default Re: Narcissist encounter

Don't understand why he'd be "flirty" with you if he "wasn't attracted to you".
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