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Old 03-18-2019, 02:16 PM #21
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Default Re: Narcissist encounter

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mopey View Post
Don't understand why he'd be "flirty" with you if he "wasn't attracted to you".
Well that's my point. I don't understand it either! I scratched my head at this too, Mopey. Hence my thread about his mixed messages. He was very physically flirty with me in person, but then tried to backtrack to keeping our connection to just "online" yet his kissed me on my cheek at the end of our evening and texted me a pet name reserved for either a g/f or someone you've known for years, not someone you just met in person after chatting online for 6 months. Then telling me he'd like to see me again in person but never committing to doing that when I gave him dates/times I was available.

Whether he was a player trying to make me a backup plan since he said his ex broke up with him and blocked him on social media, I have no idea. Usually, men are straightforward with their intentions; you know if they want to be friends or not. But the men who give mixed messages are obviously not good guys b/c mixed messages are a sign he's not into you. That's clear to me now which it wasn't at first.

My belief is: if a guy is really interested in me, he won't mislead me the way this guy has.
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Old 03-18-2019, 02:37 PM #22
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Default Re: Narcissist encounter

You may be dealing with a narcissist. I donít know. Itís also sadly funny to me how this kind of behavior is really common IME.
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Old 03-18-2019, 02:58 PM #23
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Default Re: Narcissist encounter

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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
You may be dealing with a narcissist. I donít know. Itís also sadly funny to me how this kind of behavior is really common IME.
I think I am, or feel like I am dealing with a narc. In my thread here, I line up his behavior with traits of a narcissist from an article I found online. That seems legitimate to me that he has some narc traits for sure.

Nice guys don't give mixed messages out. So either this guy was trying to set me up to be his source of emotional empathy online, b/c of his breakup with his ex, or he was interested in me, but not enough to pursue anything. Either way, in our communications offline and online, he was dismissive of my feelings, tried to deflect any blame on his part by putting it back on me, and tried to shame me for openly expressing my feelings and setting boundaries with him.
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Old 03-19-2019, 06:56 AM #24
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Default Re: Narcissist encounter

Itís good that you are able to spot what you donít want in a relationship right away.
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Old 03-19-2019, 02:19 PM #25
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Default Re: Narcissist encounter

There has been a lot of focus placed on "narcissists" because of things Trump does and we all know he is constantly talked about and there certainly has been a lot of effort to label him.

That being said, it's important to keep in mind that EVERYONE has some narcissism and that narcissism is on a spectrum so people can exhibit some "traits" or characteristics that are described in the "label" when you read about it but it doesn't qualify that individual as a person with NPD.

It's better to focus on recognizing the red flags someone presents to you that reflect that person will not be a good match for you. From what you have shared, this guy is just not a good fit for you and just write him off and move on. This guy is probably not very skilled when it comes to relationships. Often a person will brag because it's their own way of trying to look important or worthy, it doesn't always mean that person had NPD.
Just saying.
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Old 03-19-2019, 02:42 PM #26
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Default Re: Narcissist encounter

Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
There has been a lot of focus placed on "narcissists" because of things Trump does and we all know he is constantly talked about and there certainly has been a lot of effort to label him.

That being said, it's important to keep in mind that EVERYONE has some narcissism and that narcissism is on a spectrum so people can exhibit some "traits" or characteristics that are described in the "label" when you read about it but it doesn't qualify that individual as a person with NPD.

It's better to focus on recognizing the red flags someone presents to you that reflect that person will not be a good match for you. From what you have shared, this guy is just not a good fit for you and just write him off and move on. This guy is probably not very skilled when it comes to relationships. Often a person will brag because it's their own way of trying to look important or worthy, it doesn't always mean that person had NPD.
Just saying.
I never diagnosed him as someone with the disorder. But I did find through my own research on narcissism, that his words and actions fit several traits of someone with narcissistic personality. Funny how you and everyone in my thread has ignored that specific post from me, on my first page here, where I directly link narcissistic traits with the actual situation I experienced with him.

Quote:
For context, here is my response on the 1st page of this thread:

1. His lack of responsibility and blaming and deflecting

Narcissists don't want to be responsible for the consequences of their actions if the outcome doesn't go their way.

He wanted me to give him nonstop flirty attention online, responding to his flirty messages knowing that it was not headed towards anything offline that would be romantic. When I told him that his constant messaging me, sent me mixed signals, he tried to deflect by telling me "that doesn't bother my friends" instead of seeing it from my POV, that his flirting with me online after telling me that he doesn't want to date me, is manipulative. If someone tells you they aren't interested in dating you, then they shouldn't send you flirty messages all the time.

2. Lack of Boundaries

Narcissists don't draw clear boundaries with themselves and the people they interact with. Especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Narcissists don't like to be told no, and they don't like boundaries b/c that requires them to be responsible for their actions.

Like I said, if he didn't want to date me, then why kiss me, why call me a pet name via text message but not answer my phone call or return my phone call? Why send me all of those flirty social media messages that confused me regarding what he wants from me: friendship or just attention?

When I blocked him on social media he texted me asking if he could 'fix it' and when I said no, he called me from an unknown number. We talked and I thought he would be able to empathize with me and see the situation not just from his POV but also from my POV; he either chose not to, or is not capable. He kept blaming and shaming me, instead of just admitting why he was sending me those mixed messages with his social media messages and what he said to me on the phone.

3. Narcissists lack empathy.

When I told him how his mixed messages confused me about my role in his life, instead of taking responsibility for misleading me and empathizing with me because of how some men have mistreated me in the past, he expected me to think and feel about his actions the same way HE feels about his actions: that he did NOTHING WRONG by flirting with me on social media b/c of the one conversation we had to clear up why he kissed me on the cheek and got physically flirty with me in person, if he didn't want to date me or wasn't attracted to me. Then why did he lead me on?

4. Emotional Reasoning

If you try to use logic and reason with a narcissist, it won't work because the narcissist is only aware of his own feelings, not the feelings of others.

Like I said before, trying to explain to him how his actions and words didn't match up and confused and mislead me, was like talking to a brick wall b/c the result of that last conversation on the phone was that he was mad at me for misunderstanding his actions, instead of trying to see HOW his actions could confuse and mislead me. He refused to see the situation from my POV at all. It was all about how I was wrong and he was correct.

5. An inability to communicate/work as part of a team/couple

He supposedly has thousands of friends all over the world, yet here I am, one person, and I'm the ONLY ONE who misjudged him out of all of those people, because I'm the one who is wrong.

That just doesn't make any sense to me, how I can be 100% wrong about the way I interpreted his words to me in person and on the phone vs. his actions on social media.

I included a link to further explain why I created this thread to begin with. I truly believe this guy has some traits of narcissism.

14 Signs Someone Is A Narcissist

Open Eyes, why are you are making excuses for him, when you write, "This guy is probably not very skilled when it comes to relationships. Often a person will brag because it's their own way of trying to look important or worthy, it doesn't always mean that person had NPD." So, you're making excuses for him, and highlighting me as the one who's overreacted here, correct? Well, you couldn't be more wrong. I mean, seriously?

And don't even bring politics into my thread b/c that's not what I posted about.
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Old 03-19-2019, 04:42 PM #27
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Default Re: Narcissist encounter

I am not making excuses for this person. He has exhibited things to you that you have found to be troublesome. I understand that you are concerned about getting involved with someone toxic that can end up hurting you. It sounds like you have come to see things in this guy that are red flags he is not going to be a good fit for you. I think that's what you need to focus on most. I am not even trying to blame anything on you, not my intention. It's good that you are paying attention to things that are not right for you when it comes to relationships.
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Old 03-20-2019, 12:14 PM #28
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At least I cut things off with the narcissist by Stage 3 of these 21 Stages of the Relationship Between a Narcissist and an Empath.

Stage 3: The narcissist will try to break the empath's self-esteem by making them feel weak and unable to do things. The narcissist will never openly attack the empath, but will say things like, "I don't mean to hurt you but..."

This guy said that several times to me when I confronted him about all the social media attention-bombing he was doing to me after we met in person. To defend himself, and deflect attention off of himself and try to blame me, he said, "I don't mean to sound mean Blanche, but none of my other friends have a problem with all the messages I send them..." And things like that.
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Old 03-20-2019, 12:19 PM #29
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Default Re: Narcissist encounter

Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
I am not making excuses for this person. He has exhibited things to you that you have found to be troublesome. I understand that you are concerned about getting involved with someone toxic that can end up hurting you. It sounds like you have come to see things in this guy that are red flags he is not going to be a good fit for you. I think that's what you need to focus on most. I am not even trying to blame anything on you, not my intention. It's good that you are paying attention to things that are not right for you when it comes to relationships.
Yes you did make an excuse for him. You wrote, "This guy is probably not very skilled when it comes to relationships. Often a person will brag because it's their own way of trying to look important or worthy, it doesn't always mean that person had NPD." That is an EXCUSE that you now have deleted from your original post. And, how do you know that is what he did? You don't know! Yet, you make an excuse for his behavior as though I misinterpreted it. Which I DID NOT!!! Please, don't backtrack and then edit to try to pretend that's not what you did.

Between you, Sarahsweets, and Ohseedee's negating posts in my thread, I don't appreciate the way the three of you invalidated me and then tried to pretend you didn't. Not exactly helpful to say the least.
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Old 03-20-2019, 04:10 PM #30
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Default Re: Narcissist encounter

Um, I don't know what you are talking about, I did not edit my post after posting it, it would say if I edited it, look it doesn't say it.
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