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xxlstgrlxx
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Trig Jul 12, 2019 at 02:23 PM
  #1
So I’m in my early thirties.. as a kid I would have dreams or I should say nightmares that never made any sense. I always suspected that I endured some type of abuse as a baby/toddler. It was never really sure. I have spent most of my life disassociating from uncomfortable emotions and memories. My grandma passed away about a year ago and it was then I was given a stack of papers my grandparents had kept from a long time ago. It outlined more of what I went through between 1yr old and 4/5 years old. Things I did remember but blocked out or chalked off as a nightmare.. but my suspicions were confirmed. I am a survivor of sexual childhood trauma and am only dealing with it now.
I am remembering things and trying to put it all into perspective. I have tried to talk to my siblings about it but they kind of shut down and change the subject. They were involved in the incidents which were perpetrated by our natural mother and her husband.
I’m not sure what I expect to gain from knowing more or getting confirmation but I just want to know so I can move past it all. I kind of want my natural mother to confess what happened and I want and apology but I know those are both unrealistic requests.

has anyone else went through anything similar or do you have any thoughts or advice or words of wisdom?
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Smile Jul 12, 2019 at 03:51 PM
  #2
I'm sorry you are having to deal with all of this. I feel quite certain I was never sexually abused. However there are many things about my young life I would like to better understand. I'm an older person though. My parents are long-since gone & I was an only child. There's no chance I will ever come to know any of it. So I can't offer anything with regard to similar personal experiences. However I wanted to share this one article in particular, from PC's archives, with you. Perhaps it may be of interest:

Memory Isn't Important to Recover from Trauma

My best wishes to you...

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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Default Jul 12, 2019 at 04:56 PM
  #3
I am so sorry you had to suffer through such abuse at such an early age. I cannot say I suffered the same exact type of abuse because I did not, but I did suffer extensive abuse at a young age but not from family members and not at that early of an age. I do understand though how horrible the nightmares and flashbacks can be. I am still a kid of just 16 as my incident happen when I was 13 years old and last for 15 months of my life. I do hope that this forum can help you in some way as well you may be able to get some sort of therapy to talk this through with a professional.
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