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Old 03-20-2019, 08:11 PM   #11
TishaBuv
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Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

I’m sure I have had direct experience of abuse by people being narcissistic. Some of them might be diagnosable, should they go to a therapist. They never would go to a therapist concerning any of their faults— what faults? So, I couldn’t say I know any narcissists, as I can’t diagnose and they sure wouldn’t seek that out or even respect it should some qualified person tell it to them.
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Old 03-20-2019, 08:17 PM   #12
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Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
My question on PC regarding a narcissist was posted last December (as you can see my name next to "Asked by"):

How Can I Get a Narcissist to Let Me Go Emotionally ? - Ask the Therapist
Thank you for sharing your story. I wonder what that PC therapist means by, "develop emotional shields." I don't know what those are.

You must be an empath like me then ennie. We are magnets for narcissists.
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Old 03-20-2019, 08:57 PM   #13
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Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Blanche— your observations seem spot on to me!

One thing I am finding all these articles say is that the narc first shows you this fake face when wooing you, then their real face when they turn mean. I respectfully disagree, and feel like these are both their real faces. They really are charming, witty, etc... then they also really are mean and abusive.
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Old 03-20-2019, 09:23 PM   #14
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Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Yes, absolutely TishaBuv. My experience as well. They show you their most attractive face when wooing you, then turn on you when they’ve found their next prey. That is what happened to me exactly. And they leave you wondering, I gave all I had. What did I do wrong? 😖
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Old 03-20-2019, 09:43 PM   #15
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Yes, absolutely TishaBuv. My experience as well. They show you their most attractive face when wooing you, then turn on you when they’ve found their next prey. That is what happened to me exactly. And they leave you wondering, I gave all I had. What did I do wrong? 😖
How about when you’ve finally learned there is no right answer, no matter what you say or do. Sometimes, the person contradicts themselves. Sometimes they take the opposite POV so that you are wrong no matter what you say, like ‘the sky is blue’... like one minute they were just talking about the sky is blue, but then when you say it, now the sky is gray.
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Old 03-20-2019, 10:23 PM   #16
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Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Yes, TishaBuv, exactly. They are inconsistent, so they keep you constantly off balance.

And after awhile, as you say, you begin to realize there is nothing you can do to really connect with them, as they don't want that. They are constantly changing. And that hurts, as you have come to love them.

Many hugs to you. We need them as we try to heal.
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Old 03-20-2019, 10:33 PM   #17
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Thank you for sharing your story. I wonder what that PC therapist means by, "develop emotional shields." I don't know what those are.

You must be an empath like me then ennie. We are magnets for narcissists.
I think what the therapist meant was "develop a thicker skin" so I don't let her get to me. That's just my speculation. For sensitive people (i.e. empaths), that's hard. But we must keep trying.
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Old 03-21-2019, 11:24 AM   #18
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Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

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I think what the therapist meant was "develop a thicker skin" so I don't let her get to me. That's just my speculation. For sensitive people (i.e. empaths), that's hard. But we must keep trying.
Ah, ok. I wasn't sure if it meant some kind of meditation or visualization, neither of which I've ever found useful or helpful when dealing with manipulative people.

What i need to find, is a way to immediately notice through their dialogue with me, what type of manipulative tactic they're using, and how to respond to it. I.e. when they gaslight, minimalize feelings, invalidate facts, blame shift, deflect, etc.

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Old 03-21-2019, 11:45 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche View Post
What i need to find, is a way to immediately notice through their dialogue with me, what type of manipulative tactic they're using, and how to respond to it. I.e. when they gaslight, minimalize feelings, invalidate facts, blame shift, deflect, etc.

A couple of other things I noticed are (and oh, had I KNOWN before! But better late than never, and I hope they will help someone avoid the danger):

-Exaggerated expressions. If they sound too good to be true and are inconsistent with her actions.

-"The look." Like having a grin on her face at an inappropriate time. She looks at you as if you are being ridiculous or as if she is enjoying seeing you aggravated.

And if she acts "concerned", but it doesn't feel sincere, try looking away for a while or excuse yourself briefly. She will either have an expression of hatred on her face, or a grin from a sadistic pleasure, as soon as she thinks you are not looking (Hmmm, what happened to that look of concern she just had?)
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Old 03-21-2019, 11:50 AM   #20
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Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

What I mean is, learn to recognize their verbal cues i.e. phrases or words, that tells me which type of verbal abuse they're attempting to use. I tried it with this guy, and recognized when he was blaming and deflecting. But I need to figure out how to shut them down whey they do this, so that I don't leave the conversation reeling from the verbal abuse anymore.

1. name calling
Example: “You idiot, now you have made me angry!”

2. condescension
Example: “No wonder you are always moaning about your weight, look how clean your plate is!”

3. manipulation
Example: “If you really loved me you wouldn’t say or do that.”

4. criticism
Example: “Why are you so disorganized? I can always count on you to ruin our nights out!”

5. demeaning
Examples: “You women, always crying stupid tears for nothing.”

6. threats
Examples:”I will hurt myself if you leave me tonight” or “If you don’t do that you might find that your cat spends the night outdoors!”

7. blaming
Examples: “You are the reason why we are never on time for anything!” or “Look what you made me do now!”

8. accusations
Examples: “I bet you are cheating on me!” or “I saw you had fun flirting with your boss again, while I was stuck chatting to your boring coworkers.”

9. the silent treatment
Example: You are discussing restaurant options and don’t want to go with your partner’s preference. They leave the room and refuse to talk to you until you apologize for being “mean.”

10. gaslighting
Examples: “Why are you always so sensitive to everything?”

11. circular arguments
Example: your partner constantly disagrees with you and starts another argument that's different than the one you're having, to distract you from finishing that first argument so you will just give up arguing with them about their toxic behavior.

15 Common Forms of Verbal Abuse in Relationships | Psychology Today
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