Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Calla, I cut ties with my brother who is a physically abusive Narc. He threw me down a flight of stairs in our family home, and also left me stranded by the side of the road for a long time, while driving with him, his wife, and their son to our uncle's funeral. He is so toxic to my wellbeing that I will never allow him or his wife or children back into my life. I only tolerate my sister b/c I love her children and want to maintain a relationship with them.

The problem is it never goes away. I can still hear his voice screaming at me, threatening me and my family. The fact that my parents are dead doesn't make their hurtful words and actions go away either. They live on in my head.

I am off and on again with a girl who i think is a narcissist. She’s always shifting blame and when I tell her I don’t like it when she does something, she either denies she did it or says that what I did was more problematic. She cant really handle guilt.

Sounds like narcissist traits for sure, Yorkie. You set boundaries and expectations with her, when you try to hold her accountable and she refuses to accept responsibility so she gaslights you, correct? Gaslight means, they shift blame back on the person they just hurt.

You need to decide if she's someone you want in your life or not. I'm 48, so I waste no time in dropping people from my life who exhibit narcissist traits with me. I deserve to be treated with respect. It's a skill, learning how to drop narcissists from your life.

All you are to the narcissist, is a supply of constant devotion and admiration. They couldn't care less about your emotional well-being. All they want, is your constant admiration, your constant attention b/c they are empty vessels inside and have a tremendous amount of self-loathing that they are too weak themselves to confront and heal. So, they go looking for people with codependent traits whose boundaries are weak because codependents are very caring people with big hearts who want to help everyone. Narcissists are drawn to us like a beacon, b/c they think we'll just give them what they wan, and put ourselves second.

Yes, the narcissist wears masks that reflect back to the person their own personality traits. I've come to realize that men I think I have amazing chemistry with, is just them reflecting back my qualities to myself. It's very bizarre. So, I no longer believe in that whole chemistry-theory about people. I think it's all just projection.

And yes, once the mask comes off you see the monster for who they really are; someone who is emotionless, who manipulates through shallow affection, money, favors, sex, false declarations of love, fake future talk (where they talk about their future with you which is just a way to hook you).

How did you escape your narcissist for good?

Yes, a narcissist says you are "the love of my life," "BFF, " or "my favorite family member of all time" but what she means is supply.

Sometimes she treats you like a punch bag. If the person who offended her is much stronger than her that makes retaliation impossible, she will take it out on a weaker person who has nothing to do with it (me!)

Preventive measure is the best measure when dealing with a narcissist: Don't get involved with one. After-care is much messier.