Do you have direct experience with Narcissism? - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-18-2019, 01:26 PM #1
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 401
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 401

1 yr Member
108 hugs
given
Default Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

I tried to ask for advice in another thread but the posters who responded either didn't have direct experience with narcissism, or didn't think it was related to my encounter with the person.

Anyway. I'm interested in discussing narcissism - not as a trend of psychology but as actual traits or even as a disorder. It does effect people and it does exist. It's not just a label.

So, if you have any experience with narcissism, I hope you will discuss it here with me.

I believe I have had a lot of encounters with both men and women over the years who possess narcissistic traits, and I'd like to hear from others who have too. Please don't respond to this thread if you haven't. That's not the point.
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
Old 03-18-2019, 01:39 PM #2
Mopey's Avatar
Mopey Mopey is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 1,150
Mopey Mopey is offline
Poohbah
Mopey's Avatar
Mopey remove
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 1,150 (SuperPoster!)

857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

I do, StreetcarBlanche.

Anything in particular you'd want to focus on?
Mopey is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 03-18-2019, 02:08 PM #3
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 401
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 401

1 yr Member
108 hugs
given
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mopey View Post
I do, StreetcarBlanche.

Anything in particular you'd want to focus on?
Hi Mopey, yes definitely. With regards to friendships with narcissists, I've found that the friends I have or had in the past with narcissistic traits, often minimalized, trivalized, or outright shamed me when I tried to talk to them about problems I had with their behavior. And they also lack the ability to see things from other people's perspectives: they just won't or can't empathize with you. And everything is your fault, never theirs.

It seems like narcissists and codependents are attracted to each other like magnets. I definitely have codependent traits in me -- I am empathic, like to help others, and be a motivator or cheerleader. Yet, I often find myself being taken for granted by personalities who minimalize my feelings, trivialize my concerns, deflect away their accountability, and try to make me feel like I'm the crazy one when I know I'm not.

I'd like to focus on how to respond to narcissists who try to minimalize your feelings by calling you a drama queen, as a way to deflect the blame or attention on themselves. Or, try to make you seem like you're crazy for setting boundaries with them. Boundaries are a health way to socialize with people.
But narcissists don't like boundaries, b/c they have none. Or it seems like they have no boundaries to me. They are perfect in their own eyes, so if you call them out on something, they will deny it, and shame you for asking them to take ownership of their behavior when it negatively effects your life.
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 03-18-2019, 02:18 PM #4
Mopey's Avatar
Mopey Mopey is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 1,150
Mopey Mopey is offline
Poohbah
Mopey's Avatar
Mopey remove
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 1,150 (SuperPoster!)

857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Absolutely they will NEVER entertain the idea that anything might be amiss with them or their behavior.

The narcissist in my life, unlike yours, though, would stonewall any such attempts rather than turn aggressively on me.
Mopey is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-18-2019, 02:30 PM #5
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 401
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 401

1 yr Member
108 hugs
given
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mopey View Post
Absolutely they will NEVER entertain the idea that anything might be amiss with them or their behavior.

The narcissist in my life, unlike yours, though, would stonewall any such attempts rather than turn aggressively on me.
Yes, because in their eyes, the narcissist is perfect. Like, this response when I tried to bring up my concerns and my feelings based on how the narcissist treated me, "Well, none of my other friends have a problem with me like you do." Oh, gee thanks! I bet they do, but you ignore them or they just won't bring up their issues with you anymore.

How does your narcissist stonewall you though?
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 03-18-2019, 02:43 PM #6
Mopey's Avatar
Mopey Mopey is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 1,150
Mopey Mopey is offline
Poohbah
Mopey's Avatar
Mopey remove
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 1,150 (SuperPoster!)

857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Well, one way was if anything that might be a touchy interpersonal subject came up in a conversation, the Narc. would simply ignore what I said. Not respond. Change the subject.
Mopey is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 03-18-2019, 02:53 PM #7
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 401
StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
Member
StreetcarBlanche's Avatar
StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 401

1 yr Member
108 hugs
given
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mopey View Post
Well, one way was if anything that might be a touchy interpersonal subject came up in a conversation, the Narc. would simply ignore what I said. Not respond. Change the subject.
Yes that is definitely a narcissistic trait -- ignore the subject and change it to something they want to talk about. So that is deflection for sure.

Has your narc ever invalidated your feelings through mimimalization to make you feel bad for even wanted to talk about your feelings? As if they don't matter b/c they aren't the same feelings that the narc has?
StreetcarBlanche is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 03-18-2019, 04:20 PM #8
Mopey's Avatar
Mopey Mopey is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 1,150
Mopey Mopey is offline
Poohbah
Mopey's Avatar
Mopey remove
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: California
Posts: 1,150 (SuperPoster!)

857 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Yes, but again in a more indirect way than your narc. For example once I asked if the N might want to attend an exercise class with me. The answer? Contemptuous side glance, little dismissive guffaw.

N prided itself on being "artsy" and "adventurous". Told me contemptuously about the wedding of a niece N considered to be hopelessly conventional; when I asked if N had attended the wedding, looked at me as if had just crawled out from under a rock, and spat "NO!!" Then went on to put me down for expecting other people to have "all the right feelings". Too hopelessly square, you know.
Mopey is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 03-20-2019, 07:55 PM #9
ennie's Avatar
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 725
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
ennie's Avatar
ennie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 725 (SuperPoster!)

1,445 hugs
given
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

Yes, I came to PC because of my experience with a covert malignant narcissist...possibly a dark triad with dominant traits in machiavellism.

One time, I set a firmer boundary than usual (yeah, I'm a softie and not good at saying "no").

Well, it would have been better if she rashed out on me in denial or gaslighted me since her true color would have shown. At least I would have a tangible sign to point a finger at. But no, nothing obvious like that.

She apologized and evern appreciated me for "informing" her, and appeared to be very understanding. She even complimented me on what a wonderful person I am. It seemed too good to be true based on the pattern of behaviors I have seen over the years (since she holds grudge against others forever when she doesn't get her way).

And it was too good to be true. Because soon the passive-aggressive retaliation came my way.

You can never think that you are the narcissist's exception. If she has done damage to others, she will eventually do so to you also. A narcissist is not loyal to anyone except herself...if even that!
ennie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 03-20-2019, 07:58 PM #10
ennie's Avatar
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 725
ennie ennie is offline
Veteran Member
ennie's Avatar
ennie has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: United States of America
Posts: 725 (SuperPoster!)

1,445 hugs
given
Default Re: Do you have direct experience with Narcissism?

My question on PC regarding a narcissist was posted last December (as you can see my name next to "Asked by"):

How Can I Get a Narcissist to Let Me Go Emotionally ? - Ask the Therapist
ennie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:47 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.