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Default Mar 19, 2019 at 07:24 PM
  #1
When someone is covert, sneaky, and physically non-violent, it can be hard to prove such person as "abusive"--whether that person is male or female. Do you know what I mean? So I think this PC article breaks it down well:

The Female Malignant Narcissist is Just as Dangerous as Her Male Counterpart
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Default Mar 19, 2019 at 07:35 PM
  #2
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Originally Posted by ennie View Post
When someone is covert, sneaky, and physically non-violent, it can be hard to prove such person as "abusive"--whether that person is male or female. Do you know what I mean? So I think this PC article breaks it down well:

The Female Malignant Narcissist is Just as Dangerous as Her Male Counterpart
One particular female narcissist comes to mind. She was in my social circle about 20 years ago.

1. A sadistic sense of pleasure at someone else’s pain.

She would go out of her way to deliver backhanded compliments with a sneer so wide you could see her teeth. She always smiled when she snarled.

First, she would befriend you and lovebomb you to make you her bestie. Then, once she knew she had your loyal friendship, she'd use every last ounce of goodness you had until you were as withered as a prune.

2. An insatiable sense of competitiveness, due to pathological envy and the need to be the center of attention.

She also always had to be the center of attention in our group. She would knock down the other females, by physically flirting with the males in my social circle; touching their arms, hugging almost humping them, licking her lips as she spoke to the men.

If one of the women in my social group ignored her, she hated that. And she would spread snide lies about that person to everyone in the group.

Also, if you brought a new friend into the group, she poached that friend off of you immediately. You lost that friend forever.

3. An obsession with her appearance as well as a high level of materialism and superficiality; this could also translate into a haughty sense of intellectual superiority, if the narcissist in question is more cerebral than somatic.

She was thin, tall, and had long hair. She never wore a bra and always talked about how great it was going bra-less. She dressed very trashy.

4. A blatant disregard for the boundaries of intimate relationships, including her own.

If you were with a significant other, who didn't know her, that didn't stop her from practically humping your s.o. when she'd hug him/her. She wanted you to know that SHE had the sex appeal and that the best you could offer your s.o. was a nice smile.

She had no boundaries with anyone. Especially the men in our social group. She'd ask married men or coupled men for shoulder massages, she'd comment on their muscles, she'd drape herself on the men any chance she could and they loved it. The women, not so much.

She did some terrible, terrible things to people in my social group.

Last edited by Anonymous48672; Mar 19, 2019 at 08:10 PM..
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Default Mar 19, 2019 at 08:06 PM
  #3
I know what you mean....

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Default Mar 20, 2019 at 06:49 AM
  #4
This kind of abuse is so much worse than the obvious kind, because it's hard to explain and others don't see it. Therefore, the victim just doesn't get help, and it goes on and on.
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Default Mar 20, 2019 at 06:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Arbie View Post
This kind of abuse is so much worse than the obvious kind, because it's hard to explain and others don't see it. Therefore, the victim just doesn't get help, and it goes on and on.
So-so-so true! People tell you things like, "Well, maybe you misunderstood."
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Default Mar 20, 2019 at 06:39 PM
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Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche View Post

4. A blatant disregard for the boundaries of intimate relationships, including her own.

If you were with a significant other, who didn't know her, that didn't stop her from practically humping your s.o. when she'd hug him/her. She wanted you to know that SHE had the sex appeal and that the best you could offer your s.o. was a nice smile.

She had no boundaries with anyone. Especially the men in our social group. She'd ask married men or coupled men for shoulder massages, she'd comment on their muscles, she'd drape herself on the men any chance she could and they loved it. The women, not so much.
Thank you for the real life examples. You always make articulate arguments and write so eloquently!

So I have a question about disregard for boundaries "including her own" part. Is she cool with it when someone flirts with her partner?

I know someone like the one you described, but I've never attempted to stoop to her level and flirt with her man, so I am not sure what the reaction would be.
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Default Mar 20, 2019 at 07:03 PM
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So-so-so true! People tell you things like, "Well, maybe you misunderstood."
Like my my thread in this forum! 3 different posters pretty much invalidated my belief that the guy I encountered is a narcissist, making excuses for his behavior instead of validating my feelings about it. Then when i called them out on invalidating me, they deny it. I don't understand how these same people can be supportive of other victims of narcissistic abuse in other people's threads here but not with me (maybe they just don't like me, I don't know). It boggles my mind.
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Default Mar 20, 2019 at 10:54 PM
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Like my my thread in this forum! 3 different posters pretty much invalidated my belief that the guy I encountered is a narcissist, making excuses for his behavior instead of validating my feelings about it. Then when i called them out on invalidating me, they deny it. I don't understand how these same people can be supportive of other victims of narcissistic abuse in other people's threads here but not with me (maybe they just don't like me, I don't know). It boggles my mind.
And that is all I did for years, telling myself:

"Maybe I misunderstood"

Until I maxed out on my benefit of doubt for this person and came to see it for what it is.

So when someone else says,

"Maybe you misunderstood"

I feel like I'm being taken back to point zero, where I started.

So I wish people would read this article first.
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Default Mar 21, 2019 at 11:10 AM
  #9
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Originally Posted by ennie View Post
Thank you for the real life examples. You always make articulate arguments and write so eloquently!

So I have a question about disregard for boundaries "including her own" part. Is she cool with it when someone flirts with her partner?

I know someone like the one you described, but I've never attempted to stoop to her level and flirt with her man, so I am not sure what the reaction would be.
No, she would immediately say something insulting or snarky to anyone who tried to have a platonic conversation with her boyfriend at the time.

The irony? She became a licensed life coach.

So, people are paying a Narcissist for life advice.
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Default Mar 21, 2019 at 11:14 AM
  #10
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Originally Posted by ennie View Post
And that is all I did for years, telling myself:

"Maybe I misunderstood"

Until I maxed out on my benefit of doubt for this person and came to see it for what it is.

So when someone else says,

"Maybe you misunderstood"

I feel like I'm being taken back to point zero, where I started.

So I wish people would read this article first.
Isn't it strange how quickly people are to invalidate the victim of Narcissistic abuse, as though we're the crazy ones, when that's not the case at all. It infuriates me, b/c these people are either complete idiots, or they don't respect me to begin with, to say something so dismissive.

What really irks me, is people who tell me that b/c I'm not a licensed mental health professional, that I'm not qualified to judge if a man or woman is a Narcissist. So, to those people I say, "what makes you think you're qualified to invalidate my life experience so quickly?" They're not, of course. But they believe the internet gives them license to do so.
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